Shamed Prince Andrew should ask for advice from Kate Middleton’s Uncle Gary on how to deal with a scandal

REMEMBER Kate Middleton’s Uncle Gary and his “Maison de Bang Bang” cocaine scandal?

He’s behaving himself these days but perhaps the unedifying experience means his niece is now well placed to advise her husband on his own naughty uncle issues?

It’s been reported that Prince William was very much instrumental in getting “Uncle Andrew” erased from the public elements of the Order of the Garter event at Windsor Castle yesterday, though, awkwardly, his name was still listed in the programme.

So, instead of using the occasion to re-enter the public life he reportedly craves, Andrew has become a modern-day version of Prince John — the youngest son of King George V whose epilepsy and possible autism saw him largely confined to a hidden life on the Sandringham estate before his death from a severe seizure at the age of 14.

Andrew’s “condition” is one of poor judgment rather than poor health, but the similarity lies in a hidden life — in his case, a rather ghostly looking figure seen driving around the Windsor estate where he continues to enjoy the palatial surroundings of his home, Royal Lodge.

His centre-stage appearance at his father Prince Philip’s memorial can perhaps be explained away as a concerned son escorting his grieving mother to her seat. Fair enough.

But any notion he held that this would ease him back into official events and a restoration of his titles appears to have been swiftly quashed by the firm intervention of kings-in-waiting Charles and William.

What started as a gentle, “We need to talk about Andrew” with his devoted mother has perhaps now morphed into, “Let us deal with Andrew” as Her Majesty’s frailty increases.

Andrew has repeatedly denied any wrongdoing but, whatever the truth, he fraternised with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and ended up paying a reported £12million to a woman he claims he never met.

Not a good look, by any standards.

What’s more, he has shown zero remorse for the events and behaviour that led to his fall from grace and, by all accounts, feels he should be parachuted back into a prestigious public role as soon as possible.

He has long had a reputation for arrogance and rudeness, and it seems we can now add lack of self-awareness to that list.

Last week, the sale of his Swiss chalet was frozen when yet another debtor came forward to claim he owes them £1.6million.

This follows the experience of Isabelle de Rouvre who, having sold him the chalet for £18million in 2014, ended up having to sue him over a £6million debt.

She says now: “It was a horrible experience.

“I do not understand how he operates and I feel very sorry for people who are involved with him in business.

“He is an absolute fool and I just cannot understand how he goes about his life.”

The answer, perhaps, is that the “spare” to the heir has been overindulged his whole life and it’s gone to his head.

When he was a working royal and moving in wealthy circles, The Queen’s “favourite son” used his status as currency to get what he wanted, perhaps assuming no one would ever dare to question his behaviour or call in their debt.

But now­ he’s simply the tainted and virtually unemployable ninth-in-line to the throne and his chickens are coming home to roost.

Maison de Bang Bang — still owned by “Uncle Gary” and now renamed Villa Tesoro de Oro — is available for rent.

Perhaps Andrew should check himself in for a period of reflection and regrowth?

A FEW HOME TRUTHS

WHEN Paul McGee made a trip home to the UK from China, his Shenzhen-based girlfriend Rachel Waters took to social media when he failed to return as planned or even get in touch.

Turned out he’d neglected to mention he had a wife and three kids in Norwich.

It reminds me of the time my friend’s husband was regularly “working away” and, during one of their phone chats when he was supposedly in his rented flat alone, she heard a young child walk into the room and say, “Daddy”.

Turned out he’d been doing a lot more than just working away from home.

Needless to say, they’re now divorced.

 ROWDY CHILDREN ON A SUGAR HIGH? IT’S A MUGS GAME 

MIKE TINDALL has a theory on why Prince Louis came close to outshining grandma with his wriggling, gurning and raspberry-blowing at the Jubilee celebrations.

He says the royal kids were on a “sugar high” after eating too many sweets.

But several medical studies have already disproved the supposed link between sugar and behaviour.

So, in Louis’s case, may I suggest another theory?

It’s the classic antics of a youngest child whose exhausted parents rarely have the energy to impose the same boundaries they instilled in their firstborn.

In fact, if any of the Cambridges’ friends are stuck for Christmas presents to buy them, they could do worse than the set of mugs someone bought our three daughters with the following slogans . . . 

“I’m the first child. I make the rules.”

“I’m the middle child. I’m the reason we have the rules.”

“I’m the last child. The rules don’t apply to me.”

MONEY MAGIC JARRED

LILLY STATHAM charges people £20 for jars filled with crystals and herbs to help them through the cost-of-living crisis.

She says they have “wealth-encouraging properties” and she then “chants for prosperity”.

She adds that there’s no certainty in magic, but that the money trickles in the more you trust it and “you can’t be sceptical”.

No, of course not. God forbid.

It reminds of the wonderful scene in Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights when a punter says to Madame Zelda: “A pound for two questions?

“That’s a bit expensive, love.”

The fortune teller replies: “It is love, yes. And your second question?”

GEMMA: A STARE IS BORN

IS it just me or does Love Island’s star signing Gemma Owen spend an inordinate amount of time either staring at the floor or into the middle distance with an expression of bored disdain?

I know she’s primarily there to flog her bikini range, but someone should tell her to show a little bit of zing for her supper.

CRAZY COVER STORY

JUST when you think the world can’t get any madder, another story comes along to assure you that indeed it can.

A woman who had unprotected sex in a Hyundai Genesis and contracted the HPV virus from her partner is trying to claim $1million in damages from the car’s insurers for “negligence and negligent infliction of emotional distress”.

The insurers denied the claim, but at an arbitration hearing last year she was awarded $5.2million before the insurers were told there were insufficient grounds for appeal.

The case will now go to federal court and, depending on the outcome, could prove a precedent for what can be claimed in the future.

Bonkers in every sense of the word.