I had an abortion and I don’t regret it – it’s not easy but it’s my body, says Ulrika Jonsson
I DISCOVERED I was pregnant in an airport lavatory while travelling to Sweden in January 1996 following a shock phone call announcing my father’s sudden death at the age of 53.
I already had a 15-month-old son. I was going through a divorce and was in the early stages of a relationship.
Contraception had failed me and I was neither willing to have or prepared for another child.
I chose a termination. There was not a moment’s doubt in my mind.
I carry no guilt over that. It was clear cut. My body was not ready for a pregnancy, my mind even less so.
To that end, there was no emotional trauma surrounding my decision because for me it was my right to have the procedure.
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And most importantly, it was my choice.
I was lucky. For many women, the decision isn’t always as simple and is shrouded in guilt, coercion, deep contemplation, sadness and regret.
But the potential overruling of the 1973 Roe v. Wade court decision will take away a woman’s right to an abortion in the US because the power to decide will be handed over to individual states.
As things stand, it looks as if 26 states — in essence half of America — are “certain or likely” to ban abortion.
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Oklahoma now forbids abortion after six weeks, which is very close to an outright ban as most women don’t find out they are pregnant until they are at least four weeks.
This is as shocking and outrageous as it is a detrimental return to times when women had no authority or autonomy over their own bodies.
It is a constitutional right but Justice Alito of the Supreme Court has come to the conclusion, after nearly half a century, that Roe v. Wade was “egregiously wrong” from the start.
It is surely no coincidence that Justice Alito is a man? How can it be that in 2022 we are still allowing the state and governments to have control over women’s bodies?
I don’t even need to climb on to my feminist high horse because this is not solely a feminist issue.
It is not just a women’s issue. This is an issue for all of us. Issues that affect women, also affect men.
These are men’s daughters, sisters, aunts and mothers, whose rights need protecting.
As a proud feminist, I have never made it my mission to have power over men — all I ask is that women have power over themselves.
Yet, here we are in the 21st century potentially returning the control men have historically had over our bodies in all manner of sexual, medical, biological, psychological ways — and we are supposed to just sit back and accept it?
I am normally open to conversations.
I always try to see both sides of a debate and feel edified when I accept someone’s opposing argument, but when it comes to abortion there is no conversation to be had. I am pro-choice — always have been and always will be.
Those who say they are pro-life appear to be overlooking the woman’s life. They are not pro-life, they are quite simply anti-abortion.
They cower behind the belief that all life is sacred and have chosen — for religious, righteous or fragile moral reasons — to present themselves as defenders of an unborn life.
Right to choose
Yes, I had a termination 26 years ago. But I was offered one again, under very different circumstances, when it was discovered five years later that my unborn daughter had a serious congenital heart defect.
At one point, it was thought she had a chromosomal abnormality which would mean she would be “incompatible with life”.
I was six months pregnant at the time. And had I felt that a termination was the right decision for me, I would have taken it.
But I did not and she is now 21 years old. It was my right to choose.
Please do not have the arrogance to suggest that a termination is the easiest option for women. It isn’t.
It’s not because we got sloppy with contraception — a responsibility which just coincidentally falls largely on our shoulders.
We don’t do it to simplify our lives or because we just can’t be bothered.
It is because medically it is possible to do so safely and we no longer have to contemplate death because of it.
But it is also because we are owed the right to decide over our own bodies.
If this is allowed to happen, there will be a political earthquake. And in the words of Vice President Kamala Harris, “How dare they?”.
What will they ban next? Contraception?
Don’t lose your life and love to the kids, Helen
HELEN FLANAGAN says she hasn’t shared a bed with her fiancé Scott Sinclair for seven years because she co-sleeps with her three kids instead.
The ex-actress says they’re less like a couple and more like flatmates. I understand and respect Helen’s choices.
But there is going to be a price to pay. And not just a sexual one.
You know me better than to suggest that she should keep her man happy in the bedroom because, for me, it’s all about equality and he needs to keep her happy, too.
It’s about intimacy. The lack of it will starve you and you will shrivel up and be left a mere vessel for the children – who will eventually abandon you and pursue their own lives without a glance over their shoulders.
The lack of physical connection with your partner will inevitably see you drift apart because there is no regular reminder of what you both were before you became parents.
You will lose yourself in nappies and baby sick, and forget what it was like to have your own thoughts and opinions.
To suggest any relationship is strong enough to sustain long periods apart without as much as a pause for a peck on the cheek or a fumble under the covers is a lie.
Don’t fall into the trap of always prioritising the kids.
Remember you are not just a mum. You are a person in your own right, too.
SHOE’S ON OTHER FOOT, SIMON
FORMER Radio 2 DJ Simon Mayo claims working for the BBC could be “soul-destroying”.
Well, he ploughed on pretty well with it for decades and reap the financial rewards despite it spoiling his fragile, wee soul.
He goes on to claim that he has moved his film podcast with the great Mark Kermode away from the Beeb partly because “two middle-aged men” would have “no chance” of being commissioned in today’s woke era.
Oh, Simon, are you feeling the pinch, mate?
Imagine how it must have felt for all those of ethnic minority backgrounds, those with disabilities who were never allowed to be seen and heard over the years. And welcome to the world of being a woman many times overlooked.
Perhaps you’re finally getting a taste of what it’s like to have tried so desperately to get commissioned for programmes but because you’re a woman, those in charge – mostly men – pass the gig over to another male instead.
Because that’s what I’ve lived for 35 years in the world of showbiz. Living with the constant knowledge that, despite knowing that I was beyond competent and experienced, being a woman was seen as a weakness, less trustworthy, deficient somehow and was constantly associated with shortcomings.
And because no one took a punt on a woman doing a show on their own, no one got to see just how capable we were.
So, forgive me, Simon, for putting my tiniest violin away while you moan about an institution which made you plenty of money over the years and afforded you opportunities some of us would never had a sniff at in the days of old.
My heart bleeds.
I have heard enough
I’VE lost track of who has defamed who, and who is suing who – but the narrative emerging from the Heard/Depp court case is too incredulous to even make a Hollywood film script. You simply couldn’t make it up.
The debauchery and episodes of utter madness between these two people is quite breathtaking. But at least we now know how the other half lives . . .
On a serious note, you’d be forgiven for thinking this was a case about domestic abuse.
For the avoidance of doubt, this tragic, toxic tale of a most volatile relationship has everything to do with the salvaging of reputations.
The treatment of each party by the other overshadows the experience endured by many abuse victims that is not enhanced or gilded by wealth and excess.
Domestic abuse cases are not always fuelled by drugs and alcohol, but are more likely to be powered by coercion, fear and control.
If it is our intention to bring about some equity in this wild west show of insane behaviour, and we insist on men being removed from jobs and work while at the mercy of accusations – and Depp appears to have lost his share throughout the end of this supposed “great love affair” with Heard – then it is only right that the same applies to her.
A petition to have her 10 minutes of fame removed from the Aquaman 2 film has reached more than 3million signatures.
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So, while these two ’slebs continue to sling mud at each other in court to expose who is the worst behaved, neither should be given platforms to perform.
We can’t have one rule for one and not for the other.