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'LOOKED TERRORIST IN THE EYES'
I saved 17 US soldiers in my convoy from Al-Qaeda suicide bomb blast – and now I’m helping raise funds for Ukraine
A US soldier leaned over the protective shield of the Humvee with his M4 rifle, met eye contact with a suicide bomber and opened fire.
Purple Heart recipient Pasha Palanker said the suicide bomber "pushed into us" then momentarily fell back under a barrage of warning shots before bumping up against the 17-man convoy
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"At the closest point, he was about two feet from me, and we were side by side," Palanker told The Sun in an exclusive interview.
"He was close to me that I couldn't use the (Humvee) machine gun, so I picked up my M4 rifle and leaned over the protective plate, and engaged that way.
"I still don't know why he didn't detonate at that point. We would've been done. But whatever I did gave us enough time to pass him. Then the car exploded seconds later."
A video taken by the terrorist group showed how the convoy's narrow escape with thanks to Palanker's bravery.
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The whole ordeal lasted about 30 seconds, Palanker said, but it felt like his actions went into slow motion.
"My brain was like this is a horrible idea. But I felt this anger unlike anything I've ever felt before," the war hero said.
"That anger is what drove me and fueled my action. It might've saved my life and the lives of my teammates, but it changed my life forever."
'I STEPPED ON AN IED BUILT FOR A TANK'
The close-call run-in with the suicide bomber happened back in 2005.
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A few months later, Palanker stepped on an IED (improvised explosive device) that was packed with enough firepower to destroy a tank.
It had about 100 pounds of explosive power and was packed with 500 pounds of shrapnel.
And by sheer luck, he survived, he said.
"The explosion left a hole in the ground that was 15 feet long, 12 feet wide and six feet deep," Palanker added.
"It sent me flying like superman. I don't remember the flight, but I ended up about 15 feet from where I started."
Medics were called, but he was presumed dead.
"I went through this whole out-of-body experience where I couldn't feel anything," Palanker said.
"I figured that this was it. You don't know know what's on the other side of this life, so I'm just thinking, 'What's next?'"
While lying face down, he said he began to feel burns on the back of his leg.
He wiggled his toes and pressed them against his boots and couldn't believe it. He wiggled his fingers, which were at his sides.
"I was like, 'Oh s**t. I'm still alive.' My legs were still there. My arms were still there. The medic ran over and said he couldn't believe I was still in one piece; nevermind alive."
He suffered a severe head injury and was bleeding profusely from the ear.
Right before he stepped on the IED, he kicked electrical tape from a separate IED that they diffused.
That moved him from the center of the underground bomb to the side, likely sparing his life.
"I don't know why I kicked it (the tape). I just did," Palanker said.
He was able to walk to the Humvee and just put his head on the vehicle.
'30 SECONDS CHANGED MY LIFE'
Palanker's deployment ended after that, and he returned home as a 24-year-old with undiagnosed head trauma that slowly took over his life.
"At the time, there wasn't a lot of information about traumatic brain injuries or PTSD. It wasn't a thing," Palanker said.
He had multiple surgeries on his ear and still hears the ringing sound, but the severe concussion was "going to heal itself."
"But I struggled a lot with irritability and sensitivity to light, noise, and movement," he said.
As a 24-year-old war hero awarded with medals of honor for his service, he compared it to a guy who fought someone during a road rage incident.
He recalled one particular story when he was on a plane with his brother, and someone kicked his seat a couple of times behind him.
";After the third time, I lost it. I went right back to the anger I had with the suicide bomber," Palanker said.
"I got up and started screaming. I was like, 'F**k you, you piece of s**t. I'm going to kill you' at the top of my lungs.
"In hindsight, that should've been a red flag that I needed help," he said. "That encounter with the suicide bomber opened a door to this primordial anger that we all have.
"Fortunately, most people don't reach that point, but for me, I felt like once that door opened, I have not been able to close it."
But he said, as a young, single man, he didn't think much of it.
The rage and irritability became a problem after he married his wife and had four boys under the age of 12.
"There's a lot of fighting, testosterone, and then anger towards me when I discipline them," Palanker said. "They're not doing anything wrong. They're doing what young boys do.
"But I know it was wrong for me to snap at them, and I overreacted. Then I felt guilty, so I would drink. That's how the spiral starts, and I couldn't pull myself out.
"The constant anger and irritability put a strain on all my relationships."
SECOND TOUR IN IRAQ: MISSILE NEARLY KILLS HIM
In 2015, Palanker was on the runway about to board the plane for his second tour in Iraq.
A year earlier, this third son was born, but the most "mundane" tasks at work were a mountain climb, and he was struggling at home.
The ramp to the back of the aircraft opened, and everything that he was struggling with "flooded" his head.
"Everything that was deep down inside me flooded back," Palanker said. "Nobody knew what I was going inside me."
He was stationed in a base near ongoing conflicts between local militias that were fighting back against ISIS.
"One day, this rocket comes in out of nowhere and hits right in the middle of the base," Palanker said. "It was nowhere near as close as the other things I've experienced, but the cumulative effect had a bigger impact on me."
He suffered another head injury, and his good ear suffered permanent damage.
Palanker said he stayed a week until he was dispatched to another base, but the flight back "was the most painful thing I ever experienced."
As the plane descended, he couldn't relieve the pressure in his ears.
"Forget all the explosions. That was the most pain I ever felt," Palanker said. "The next morning, I felt like I had golf balls inside my ears. I couldn't hear anything."
The excruciating pain forced his deployment to come to a premature end, and he needed two more surgeries in his ears after he returned home.
"I was already in a bad place before my deployment," Palanker said. "Then I hit rock bottom. I started to see my anger in my kids. They don't listen to what we say, they do what we do.
"And that was my wake-up call. That was the first time I went to a medical clinic and was like, 'I need help.'"
THE UNSEEN WAR AT HOME
The rage strained every relationship with his loved ones, most importantly his children and his wife.
"When I got back (from Iraq) in 2016, I couldn't function," Palanker said. "I couldn't do the most basic stuff like drive. At work, I would pass out. At the grocery store, I was having panic attacks and I felt like my mind was gone."
He said, at this point, there was still a lack of awareness about traumatic brain injuries, PTSD, and how to deal with them.
Palanker began to write about his symptoms in online posts and get feedback that another person who served in the military suffered the same symptoms.
Soon, he realized he wasn't alone and started noticing the same behaviors in other veterans and helped each one as much as he could.
All while trying to get his own life back on track.
His work was noticed by a friend, who put him in touch with nonprofits and he spoke openly about his difficult experiences. That's how he met other veterans, and they all spoke about what was going through their heads.
HOW HE'S HELPING UKRAINE
Palanker is a model war hero and mental health advocate who shepherds other struggling veterans through tough times while keeping his own mental health on track.
Now, Palanker, who has Ukrainian roots, is part of a huge effort by United Help Ukraine to procure medical supplies and the (VSRG).
He said he wished he recognized the warning signs when he was a 24-year-old man after he returned from Iraq, but the VSRG saved his life.
"The spiral used to be permanent. I was always down. Then the spirals lasted a couple of years, then a couple of months, then a couple of weeks," said Palanker, who's been working hard on his mental health since 2016.
"Now it's a couple of days or even a couple hours," he said. "I can recognize the triggers early and for the most part, pull myself out after a couple of hours.
"And I've been open with my boys. I told them what I'm feeling and what I'm going through, and that's helped."
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"I just hope my story reaches other people who are struggling and convinces them to get help. There are so many nonprofits out there who want to help," he added.
"Reach out for help. That's my message. Don't be afraid to reach out."
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