The highs, lows and the biggest office-snogging losers losers of British politics in 2021
IT was the year that proved the old saying that rules are made to be broken – especially if you are a politician.
Restless MPs seemed to spend most of 2021 flouting the pandemic safety restrictions they imposed on the rest of us.
In a year dominated by on-off travel and curbs on socialising, our ruling classes still gave us something to laugh about with their crass stupidity.
Here, Assistant Editor David Wooding takes a light-hearted look at the year in Westminster in his annual political awards, The Wooders.
TEAM AWARD FOR COVID CLOTS
While the nation spent months in lockdown, Downing Street staff gave party politics a new meaning by throwing cheese and wine bashes and quiz nights. Perhaps they’d been on the Cabinet sauvignon.
BBC STARS OF THE YEAR
There’s no escape from heckling for MPs, even when working from home. Shadow health secretary Jonathan Ashworth was interrupted by his excited daughters during a BBC interview on Zoom. He pleaded: “Girls, I’m on the TV”. Johnny is clearly grooming them for a future Commons career.
INTERNET STAR OF THE YEAR
Parish council clerk Jackie Weaver, 63, became an overnight sensation when clips of her trying to keep order during a foul-mouthed Zoom meeting went viral. The video attracted six million views and may even inspire a new sitcom. Which proves you can laugh off a virus by going viral.
CCTV STAR OF THE YEAR
Matt Hancock wins, er, hands down for breaking the social-distancing rules he imposed on the rest of us. The married Health Secretary was forced to quit after being caught on camera in a steamy clinch with his aide Gina Coladangelo in his Whitehall office. What’s that slogan he kept reciting again? Handsy, Face-to-face, No space.
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QUIP OF THE YEAR 1
American pollster Frank Luntz tells a London gathering: “I’ve polled 1,000 women asking if they would sleep with Boris. Twenty per cent said ‘Never again’. ”
QUIP OF THE YEAR 2
Keir Starmer published an 11,500 word essay on what he stands for as Labour leader — leaving us all none the wiser. Tory chairman Oliver Dowden remarked: “If this is his big vision, then he should have gone to Specsavers.”
WISH YOU WEREN’T THERE TRAVEL AWARD
Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab was sunning himself in Crete as the Taliban over-ran Afghanistan. He later denied he was paddle-boarding as Kabul fell. But he found himself up s**t creek on his return when demoted in a reshuffle.
QUEEN ELIZABETH III
Mr Raab’s successor Liz Truss channelled her inner Margaret Thatcher by riding in a tank in Estonia. But that wasn’t enough for the ambitious Tory big gun, who sent out a Christmas card in which she struck a pose more akin to royalty. Is the country ready for a new Mrs T?
BRIGHT IDEA OF THE YEAR
What do you buy the woman who has everything? MPs and peers spent £175,000 on two lamp posts for the Queen to mark her Platinum Jubilee. If Her Maj doesn’t like them, perhaps they’ll come in handy for the royal corgis.
GAFFE OF THE YEAR
Shadow attorney general Lord Falconer described the pandemic as “the gift that keeps on giving” in a talk with millionaire lawyers. The Covid mask has slipped.
GUFF OF THE YEAR
US President Joe Biden produced some nasty emissions of his own when he let rip while talking to the Duchess of Cornwall at the COP26 climate summit, it was claimed. Perhaps the world’s most powerful man should rename himself Seepy Joe.
BALLS-UP OF THE YEAR
Education Secretary Gavin Williamson thought he had been talking to footballer Marcus Rashford after a Zoom call with rugby star Maro Itoje. It was left to bemused Itoje to clear it up by telling fans: “I am not Marcus Rashford, and while we are here my name is not Mario, either! Much love, Marcu . . . I mean Maro Itoje.” Hapless Mr Williamson was later substituted in a Cabinet reshuffle.
ORDER OF THE EARLY BATH
Keir Starmer was thrown out of the Raven pub in Bath after he clashed with the landlord over Covid restrictions. No beer for Keir.
WEDDING OF THE YEAR
Boris Johnson married mum-to-be Carrie Symonds in a secret service in Westminster Cathedral — days after sending friends save-the-date cards for next July. But a giant gazebo erected for a reception in the Number 10 garden gave the game away and The Sun on Sunday broke the news the next day.
FEARLESS PEERLESS
Plain old John Bercow defects to Labour with a blistering attack on his old party. Couldn’t be anything to do with the PM refusing to give the spiteful ex-Speaker a seat in the Lords, could it?
DISHY RISHI
Rishi Sunak admits he has an “OCD approach” to dishwashers. He said: “There’s a way to optimise how much stuff you can get in a dishwasher. I take great pride in that.” Let’s hope the squeaky-clean Chancellor is as obsessive about balancing the books as he is his dish racks.
CODS-WALLOP
Stroppy French President Emmanuel Macron branded Boris Johnson a “clown” after he refused to give in to demands for fishing rights. But Macron was on the receiving end when one of his own countrymen slapped him during an official visit. The question is, which face did he slap?
LAUGHTER AND TIERS
Downing Street aide Allegra Stratton resigned in tears hours after a video clip showed her laughing about a lockdown-busting party at No10. Perhaps a little too much cheese and whine.
WESTMINSTER COME DINE WITH ME . . . PLEASE
Boris Johnson invited all living former PMs to dinner at Chequers to mark the country retreat’s centenary — but only old adversary Theresa May turned up. Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Sir John Major and David Cameron all had to wash their hair that night. What Party poopers.
CLOWN OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE
Woke opera boss Wasfi Kani branded the singing of Rule, Britannia! at the Last Night Of The Proms a “call to imperialism”. But the Pimlico Opera founder sang a different tune when the Queen offered her a gong. She accepted a CBE, the highest ranking award in the Order of the, ahem, British Empire.
STRICTLY DAD DANCING
Newly single Michael Gove was filmed disco jiving at an Aberdeen nightclub in the early hours. Perhaps his strange moves were part of his new levelling-up agenda — or perhaps he just wants to be in cha-cha-charge.
SCUM YOU WIN, SCUM YOU LOSE
Labour’s gobby deputy leader Angela Rayner took a month to apologise over a rant in which she branded the Tories “scum”. Wonder what word she privately used to describe her boss Keir Starmer after he kept her in the dark about his shadow cabinet reshuffle?
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MINER OFFENCE
The PM faced a backlash from Labour and unions after he joked that Margaret Thatcher was the first to fight climate change by shutting coal mines in the 1980s.
THE LAST LAUGH
Pandemic hero Captain Sir Tom Moore, whose sponsored walk raised £33million for the NHS, died aged 100 after contracting coronavirus. His headstone read: “I told you I was old.”