Work at it together or a marriage will wither on the Vine
WHAT a few weeks the Prime Minister has had.
A marriage, an affair and a break-up — though the latter two didn’t directly involve Boris Johnson but a couple of his senior Cabinet ministers.
Hot on the heels of Matt Hancock’s marriage split — following The Sun’s revelation of his affair with aide Gina Coladangelo — Michael Gove announces he is separating from his wife after 20 years.
This news is the last thing Boris would have wanted to hear after Hancock resigned as Health Secretary in the wake of his Covid rule breaking.
What any leader wants is stability.
And what a strange and unstable time it has been in Downing Street.
No one knows the reason why Gove and Sarah Vine decided to call it a day.
But Boris may have known this bombshell was waiting in the wings.
You don’t just wake up after 20 years of marriage and decide it is over.
The break-up of a long-standing relationship, particularly one that involves children, happens over time.
People tend to hang on until they get where they can’t even stand the way their partner breathes.
Then they feel they have no choice.
It is never nice to see a couple get divorced.
People say it should be easier when no one else is involved, but it seems sadder to me.
When a couple part ways like this it appears to be a reflection of just how difficult their marriage must be.
The implication is that they cannot bear to be in proximity to each other.
Sarah Vine wrote just last week about how hard being wed to a politician can be.
The best marriages are those where the couple grow together, and where no one gets left behind.
When one partner is building a business or a career it is vital they take their partner with them on their journey.
Many such jobs involve trips abroad, dinners and glamorous events.
Your confidence starts to build, and your network and wealth.
It is vital that your partner goes with you, or else your lives start to move in opposite directions, not least because you have nothing to talk about as you end up with nothing in common.
As Sarah Vine wrote in her column, which was ostensibly about Hancock’s marriage: “These women are still more or less the same person they were when they got married. But their politicians are not.”
Resentment creeps in when you are left at home while your partner is off doing all the things you would like to be doing. That can be corrosive.
Speaking personally, I have been married for 26 years, and I am privileged to say that we have grown in every way together.
We have also supported each other throughout.
I feel lucky that I have always had in mind that it is important to have more than the kids in common.
It is vital to be able to have a laugh and enjoy each other’s company, to have friends together who you enjoy spending time with.
But most of all, it is important that when you are alone together, you like it.
MID-LIFE CRISIS
Like anything, left unattended, marriages get stale after a year, let alone two decades.
That is why you have to keep putting in the effort.
When you know you are drifting apart, then it is time to do something about it.
But looking around, I can’t help but wonder if the pandemic has had something to do with the sheer proliferation of men who seem to be going through a mid-life crisis.
Having affairs, relationships deteriorating — could it just be down to spending too much time together during lockdown?
Which, let’s face it, could test the patience of a saint.
The good thing about Boris, with his history, is that he won’t pass judgment when it comes to dealing with the fallout of an affair and a break-up.
All that aside, though, it seems that the events of the past couple of weeks have had an effect on the public.
Amanda Milling, the Conservative Party co-chair, acknowledged that Hancock’s conduct was an issue in this week’s by-election campaign.
“It was something that came up on the doorstep,” she said. “I have to be honest about that. They (voters) had some issues over the weekend in terms of what happened.”
To be clear, Sarah Vine seems quite a formidable woman.
My suspicion is that it is her who has called time on her marriage while she is still young enough to have “another” life.
At 54 she is in her prime. She has the energy and focus to go out and lead a different kind of life, one that Gove is no longer fulfilling.
And if that is the case, I wish her all the best, and I admire her for making that call.
Queen is joy at 95
ISN’T the Queen simply amazing?
Pictured alongside her daughter Princess Anne, seeing Her Majesty wearing a fabulous turquoise coat and matching hat at the University of Edinburgh this week, I marvelled at how radiant she looks at the age of 95 – and after having recently lost her husband, the love of her life.
The Queen looked as if she had a spring in her step, if such a thing is possible at her age.
And then there is Anne, such an unsung hero of the Royal Family, always with her mother.
They say a daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.
Well, that certainly seems to be very true in the case of the Queen and Princess Anne.
Wonderful family event
I HAVE just been loving watching the football these past two weeks.
I loved watching England win against Germany in particular and seeing Prince George at the game with his mum and dad.
It’s such a good reminder that football is the most wonderful family event and also why it has been one of the “emergency” services through the pandemic, with the players continuing to play, keeping everyone entertained while we have been stuck at home.
That was a great match, and the Euros are proving to be great for the country.
Mamma mia, what a lady
OH how I loved the photos of Goldie Hawn having what appeared to be the time of her life as she took a dip in the ocean on holiday in Greece with her actor husband Kurt Russell.
At 75, Goldie has the joie de vivre of someone half her age
She shared a video of herself dancing to Abba’s 1975 track Mamma Mia! on Instagram with the caption, “Can’t stop, won’t stop dancing in Skiathos, Greece. . . Mamma Mia, what an island!”
They say you only live once – but if you live it right, once is enough
This woman has lived her life “right” – she’s had a fabulous career, a great family and lived with the love of her life by her side.
This must be why she looks beautiful on the inside and the outside.
Get HRT sorted
MOST women with menopause symptoms must visit a GP several times before they are diagnosed, a new survey reveals.
Three-quarters suffered symptoms such as hot flushes for a year before they got help, and 15 per cent waited six years.
It is astonishing GPs are so slow to diagnose when your periods stop and you get hot sweats.
Most women cope admirably without medical intervention.
But those who need HRT should expect to be prescribed it.
Thugs shame march
I FELT sickened watching footage of the female police officer who was knocked to the floor and kicked in the head by protesters at an anti-lockdown march.
Released this week to help find her attacker, the film shows the officer being carried away by colleagues during the demo in central London on June 14.
She fell down as a struggle broke out when protesters tried to free one of two people arrested on suspicion of obstructing the highway.
What is wrong with these people?
They have the right to march.
After all, we are a tolerant society. But why can’t they do it peacefully?
There is no need to attack an officer who is just there to ensure everything goes smoothly.
Protesters marched again last weekend, in London’s Oxford Street, defying social-distancing rules and protesting against Covid precautions including facemasks and vaccine passports.
They seemed angry and raged at other people who had the temerity to simply be wearing masks and trying to cross the street.
People have been advised during the pandemic to wear masks, wash their hands, keep their distance and get vaccinated.
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This is not to control people but to keep them safe, as well as others who are vulnerable.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
Things do change.
When it was proved that wearing a car seatbelt keeps you alive, we were made to wear them by law – not to control us but to keep us alive.
Flexible working
THE new boss of Citigroup has called on parents to use her career to promote flexible working, saying: “All those mums and dads, and all of those thinking about being parents – please use me as an example.”
Jane Fraser became the first woman to lead a large Wall Street bank when she took the top job at Citi in February, and worked part-time when her children were young.
She is a champion of women and diversity, and we can’t have too many of those in the world.
Reading about her journey from being part-time to CEO, it reminded me of that old saying, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think” – that’s the perfect message to give your kids.