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Kelvin MacKenzie

I smell a Brexit win … Dave doesn’t listen to the little guy and certainly can’t speak for him

Our columnist tears into David Cameron’s attempts to win over voters to Remain cause

David Cameron on Good Morning Britain 03 Jun 2016

THE game is beginning to change.

I can smell victory in the air.

These are the clues over the last few days.

David Cameron gave a lamentable performance in the Sky News debate.

 Unconvincing ... Audience gave David Cameron a hard time during live debate
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Unconvincing ... Audience gave David Cameron a hard time during live debateCredit: Rex Features

He was lecturing not debating and when the little people started biting back he clearly hated it.

Doubt if there’s much talking back in Downing Street.

I am told that when the credits started rolling at the end the audience was still giving him hell.

He left the studio at 100mph with steam coming out of his ears.

Little sweet talk with TV bosses.

Secondly, a friend of mine was visiting a relative in Doncaster where all the locals he met were Brexiteers.

They said their prices as painters and decorators and the like were being massively undercut through migrant labour.

They said nobody spoke for them — Corbyn doesn’t — and this vote gave them the opportunity to make a protest over open borders.

 Slow clap ... Corbyn doesn't speak for working class voters either
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Slow clap ... Corbyn doesn't speak for working class voters eitherCredit: Getty Images

In this campaign only Leave speaks for the little guy.

The bosses all speak for Remain.

It is, as Luke Johnson, the chairman of a private equity firm and a rare financial Outer pointed out, the tyranny of the status quo.

If all we did was accept the status quo we would still be riding horses to work — mind you it might be quicker.

Unless we want the UK viewed as something just above a county council but well below an independent nation the only answer is Brexit, even if it just means putting in a new PM who knows how to negotiate a decent deal which we could then vote on again in a couple of years.

We are winning.

Stay strong.

 

On the Game of Thrones

 Experience ... Josephine Gillan, right, was a sex worker
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Experience ... Josephine Gillan, right, was a sex worker

IN a rare example of art imitating life the actress who plays Marei, the red-headed courtesan in the hit TV show Game of Thrones, has revealed that before finding stardom she was a real-life prostitute.

Josephine Gillan, 27, right, was a sex worker when she saw an online ad saying the show was looking for young women with natural breasts, no tattoos and who didn’t mind being filmed naked. Imagine she had to fight off the entire cast of Geordie Shore for the role.

She could combine her two careers and do a sequel called On the Game of Thrones.

Front seat for Chris Evans

 Get in ... Chris Evans has received Kelvin’s backing
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 Get in ... Chris Evans has received Kelvin’s backingCredit: Getty Images

STUFF the critics, I just love the new Top Gear and I think Chris Evans has bought a new energy and flavour to the show.

He’s no Clarkson but that doesn’t make him worse – just different.

Last night’s show was marvellous.

Eddie Irvine, Matt Le Blanc, Tinie Tempah and Sharleen Spiteri brought humour and endeavour to really good film vignettes.

My only concern is how Evans, above, will be able to do his five breakfast shows a week on Radio 2 and still have the energy to fly round the world to film the fun.

After all he has two children and a wife.

Or he did have before joining Top Gear.

Evans has been really strong in ignoring the naysayers.

We should be grateful for his strength – and talent.

Cash with inflation from migrant influx

 Easy money ... Selling lilos to migrants is a money-spinner
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Easy money ... Selling lilos to migrants is a money-spinnerCredit: Alamy

WITH half of Tirana (it’s the capital of Albania) now making its way across the Channel I have come up with a legitimate way of making money out of illegal migrants.

Although the Albanians arrive by night, my sense is they will be shocked at the state of the seaside town of Margate when the dawn breaks.

They won’t even be able to check into many of the hotels as they are already full of the skint and the dim.

They should have checked TripAdvisor.

Here’s my wheeze. Using crowdfunding we corner the market in lilos and sell them on the beach to the many Albanians, who having tried the dodgems at Dreamland are now anxious to return home.

I checked online and for a very reasonable £16.49 you can buy a pack of two “luxury” fashion lilos with drink holders — an important accessory to steady nerves while passing Dymchurch.

Mind you it could have been worse.

They could have been washed up in Yarmouth.

Neck nominate

 Put your neck out ... Ross Barkley
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Put your neck out ... Ross BarkleyCredit: PA:Press Association

IS the neck size of Everton and England footballer Ross Barkley higher or lower than his IQ?

Discuss.

Desires of the flesh

 ‘Sex and meat’ ... Media mogul Sumner Redstone
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‘Sex and meat’ ... Media mogul Sumner RedstoneCredit: AP:Associated Press

SUMNER REDSTONE, the 94-year-old TV mogul who basically owns CBS, Paramount and MTV, is involved in a messy bust-up with his ex-girlfriend, who claims his only interest is “sex and meat”.

Gives a new meaning to a 10oz T-boner.

Puns of the week

 Van-tastic ... Safety footware firm Our Soles
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Van-tastic ... Safety footware firm Our Soles

SAFETY footwear firm in Southampton – Our Soles.

Garden maintenance van in Leicester – The Green Reaper.

Café in Macclesfield, Cheshire – Nosh & Breks.

Mobile dog grooming in Derby – Pugwash.

Coarse fishing supplies near River Soar in Kegworth, Leics – Soar Tackle.

Indian restaurant in Cardiff – Balti Towers.

Hairdressers in Bilston, West Mids – Root 66.

Hairdressers in Ilkeston, Derbys – Hairway to Heaven.

Clothes shop in Mitchelstown, Ireland – Off the Rails.

Tattoo shop in Littlehampton, West Sussex – Needle & Fred.

Sandwich shop in Cadishead, Manchester – Bready2Go.

Snack bar in Bridgnorth, Shrops – Serial Grillers.

Window cleaners in Ludlow, Shrops – Rise & Shine.

Great punnies. Keep sending them to [email protected].

We want Moore

 Winner ... Bobby Moore
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Winner ... Bobby MooreCredit: PA:Press Association

YOU may remember a month or so back I had nothing but praise for the doco/biopic film on the life of Bobby Moore, our World Cup-winning captain who finished his days not Beckham-like but as a local radio commentator unloved and unwanted by the football establishment.

Well I am pleased to report you share my views.

The film Bobby has sold out at Amazon and HMV, plus Tesco have ordered another 10,000 DVDs.

It was immensely well done, with the closing scene of commentator Jonathan Pearce weeping at his last conversation with Bobby worth the money alone.

My congratulations to Matt Lorenzo for producing a creative AND commercial success.

Either Sky Sports or BT should buy it as a curtain- raiser to the new Premier League season.

Energy savers

THANK you for the thank yous . . .

Column reader Tony Boullemier from Northampton used to switch his house and contents insurance from Allianz at £842.56 to £605.73 with One Call, a saving of £236.83.

The Bowyer family from Colchester in Essex switched their gas and electric from SSE, who were charging £1,884, to Places for People Energy at £1,236, saving £648 a year.

Do mail your saving stories to [email protected].

Copycat thriller

 Clever line ... But did Sir Rodge nick it?
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Clever line ... But did Sir Rodge nick it?Credit: Getty Images

THE BBC security correspondent Frank Gardner is publishing his first novel Crisis about the murder of a British spy.

On the cover is tongue-in-cheek praise from Sir Roger Moore: “Once you put it down you can’t pick it up again.”

I thought it clever.

But while on holiday in Majorca’s Cala D’or last week I started reading the magnificent thriller I Am Pilgrim and reached chapter five where the hero said in the opening paragraph about his own book: “Once most people put it down they couldn’t pick it up again.”

I Am Pilgrim was published three years ago.

You don’t think Sir Roger nicked the line?

I can’t be too po-faced about plagiarism since when I edited this fine organ I would steal rivals’ stories and put them on the front.

It got so bad it was called Plage One.


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