HEADLINE from 2030: Fans of classic TV comedy Friends stockpile bootleg DVDs after it is banned from TV and deleted from streaming services.
Unlikely, you reckon?
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What on earth has that harmless barrel of laughs that dominated Nineties viewing ever done to offend?
Well, according to its critics, a lot.
There’s transphobia (Chandler is embarrassed about his drag queen father), sexism (Joey’s misogynistic treatment of women as sex objects), homophobia (Ross’ horror at his ex-wife’s lesbian relationship) and racism (no member of the core cast is an ethnic minority, something Lisa Kudrow has admitted would be unacceptable today).
Actually, looking at that list, maybe it won’t take a decade for the liberal elite to decide this much-loved show should be “cancelled”.
There has been a cultural reckoning this week for many favourites, in part prompted by the Black Lives Matter movement.
Ant and Dec said sorry for “impersonating people of colour” on Saturday Night Takeaway.
Keith Lemon issued an emotional apology for the use of blackface on Channel 4’s Noughties series Bo Selecta.
Netflix and the BBC ditched the David Walliams and Matt Lucas comedies Little Britain and Come Fly With Me altogether – a decision with which the Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden has said he disagrees.
And, in the most controversial move, HBO decided to yank Gone With the Wind from American TV, eighty years after its release.
That decision is particularly complicated. A period drama that was first in cinemas in 1939 but set during the American civil war in 1861 predictably features unsavoury depictions of slavery and race relations.
But the film, widely considered to be a classic, was groundbreaking, in part because Hattie McDaniel, who played the slave Mammy, became the first African American to ever win an Academy Award.
The concept of cultural censorship fills me with dread.
When this particular Pandora's box is flung open I wonder where it will end.
If all TV programmes and movies and books are judged by the standards of 2020 then how can we see how far we have collectively come as a society?
ONCE THE PANDORA'S BOX OF CULTURAL CENSORSHIP IS OPENED, WHERE WILL IT END?
Is it not the correct approach to view any artistic work from the past as a time capsule, the equivalent of a historic artefact?
And, if not, then what does that mean for so many of our classics?
What about Shakespeare, whose Othello is considered racist by some?
Do the woke elite erase Harry Potter because they disagree with JK Rowling’s position on trans rights?
And what about my favourite TV series of all time Mad Men? That period drama so faithfully represented the racist, sexist and homophobic Sixties advertising industry in New York that in early episodes you only see African American staff working as lift attendants. But that’s the very point. For us to understand just how horrific life was in that era for anyone who wasn’t a straight white male.
I’ve thought hard about these questions this week and come to an unpopular conclusion: Trying to gloss over bigotry and barbarism from another time does little to prompt modern understanding of what went on and why it must not be repeated.
As a gay man, of course it’s depressing that no TV shows of my youth featured characters that represented me – but I don’t think they should be banned as a result.
Disney has come up with a simply, common-sense solution that doesn’t involve censorship.
Rather, films like Dumbo, which has been criticised for its portrayal of African-American characters, now come with this warning: “This programme is presented as originally created. It may contain outdated cultural depictions.”
The past two weeks have quite rightly prompted so many uncomfortable but necessary conversations about our culture, from age-old statues to contemporary media.
However, I implore organisations, corporates and impassioned individuals to take a deep breath and start a dialogue, rather than making knee jerk demands and giving into censorship that might be irreversible.
Bat Chance
DESPERATE for some sort of fun activity, I imagine many of us will be rushing to zoos and safari parks when they reopen on Monday.
But I have a feeling we might be avoiding the bat enclosures.
No one wins in this war of WAGs
COLEEN Rooney, can I please offer you some advice?
It’s free.
It will save you and Wayne spending £100,000-plus on yet another set of expensive lawyers after you got rid of your first lot.
And, most of all, it will prevent you going through a tonne of emotional stress in the midst of a global pandemic.
Newsflash: You won the Wagatha Christie wars.
Despite poor Rebekah Vardy’s very strong denials and no matter the complexities, the public will only remember your well-planned Instagram allegation.
It was a moment in time where the world felt far more carefree.
As someone who has been tied up in the past by spurious legal action, I can confirm you will end up regretting the unnecessary psychological damage caused to both sides.
Sort this madness out with Rebekah like grown-ups. Without lawyers.
Then move on with your dignity – and savings – intact.
Open Britain's loos!
NEVER did I think I’d be writing about peeing in a bush.
But, yes I’ll admit it, the inhumane closure of public lavatories drove me to it. I know you’ll understand when I say there was simply no choice.
The government and local authorities must open up Britain’s loos without further delay.
Made to pay for BBC bias
THE fury over the cover up by our taxpayer-funded public broadcaster is very real after the corporation's dubious news coverage last weekend.
That's why it's no surprise a new campaign to Defund the BBC - backed by anti-woke actor Laurence Fox - has gained such momentum.
Credit to the Glasgow University student James Yucel who set up the grassroots movement in his bedroom.
Speaking on my talkRADIO Drivetime show this week, he said: "We've got one aim really: To completely scrap the BBC licence fee. It's an absurd, almost comical, concept that if you told someone abroad about they'd just laugh at you."
Like me, James believes the only way the corporation has a future is as a subscription service.
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