I went inside Ibiza sex parties that made White Lines look TAME – with romps on stage and unspeakable acts by dwarves
SCOURING the beaches of Ibiza in its hedonistic heyday, I saw enough bare boobs and public romps to fill a whole holiday album.
The year was 1997 and I was producing the TV show Ibiza Uncovered — bravely venturing into its notorious 'fancy dress' sex shows and rooms occupied by dwarf orgies.
Like most clubbers from the 90s, I've now found myself fixated with Neftlix's smash hit White Lines, watching through my fingers with my hands clamped over my eyes.
The sexy thriller stars Laurence Fox, Daniel Mays and Angela Griffin and is based around the death of superstar DJ Axel Collins - as his sister Zoe turns up to investigate what really happened.
But just how authentic a portrayal is it of the wild, no-holds barred clubbing on the party island?
Let me tell you what I saw during one steamy summer filming in Ibiza's superclubs...
'Ecstasy eyes' and cocaine nosebleeds
Working in telly, you get to rub shoulders with the rich and the famous.
But nothing could top spending the summer of 1997 flying back and forth between London and Ibiza and producing an X-rated telly series.
Ravers would walk around with saucer eyes widened by ecstasy.
Then there were those clubbers talking at you a thousand miles an hour while sniffing or dealing with a massive nosebleed - predictably revealing they’d had too much cocaine.
Our bosses in London were clueless about what we’d witness.
In our health and safety meetings their biggest fear was jellyfish attacks.
We got told to make sure we wore rubber footwear at all times on the beach and in the sea.
To be fair, the suits in the office knew nothing - and no one could prepare a dozen 20-somethings for filming in the world's rave capital.
Super-yachts and A-list stars
I arrived in Ibiza in June just in time for the superclubs' opening nights.
Back then it was like Mardi Gras. Each club "owned" their own night of the week.
Every promoter signed up the fittest girls and boys to flyer beaches and flog tickets.
Processions involving stilt walkers and dwarves marched through the 18-30 stronghold San Antonio and other tourist hotspots.
Scantily clad girls strutted around Ibiza Old Town.
It was the chichi gay capital of the island with even more outrageous clubs hidden down backstreets.
The port also had super yachts moored. The summer we were there it was rumoured Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman had flown in to go clubbing too.
But then you wouldn’t ever notice them because Ibiza is known for being a destination where A-listers can privately party too.
Sex on stage 'week in, week out'
The most OTT club was Manumission. Everyone always asks me, "Did club promoters Mike McKay and his wife Claire really have sex on stage?"
Yes – they really did. Week in, week out in front of 10,000 clubbers.
With one another and with other people too: girls chained to a bed, performers, errr, performing sex acts on dwarves – it all happened.
Those sex scenes in episode one of White Lines are not far from the truth.
Except the sex shows were staged around the swimming pool in the middle of Privilege nightclub.
It made their Monday night extravaganzas the club to go to.
Naked aerial acrobats
As a 25-year-old producer having to wait with a camera kit and then film the shows, it was a nightmare because they’d make the crowd wait for hours.
The only way to stay awake was knocking back endless vodka and Red Bulls.
That summer Manumission used the “Carry On” theme. Every week featured a different film and it was reflected from the T-shirts employees wore to the sex acts performed on stage.
Doctors and Nurses week was one I filmed. Mike and Claire dressed and “performed” accordingly.
There weren’t any VIP areas — celebs mingled with us normals, all intent on having a good time.
One couple started having sex behind some bushes on a day trip. We'd only arrived half an hour earlier.
Samantha Brick
DJs were never announced in advance but the likes of Fatboy Slim regularly played.
There was always something to see - from naked aerial acrobats to Mike using his teeth to pull a Union Jack out of Claire's lady garden and a huge glitter ball exploding over the dance floor.
When an extravagant curtained backdrop went up in flames, everyone assumed it was part of the performance and carried on dancing.
The fire was real though and everyone had to temporarily leave. Once it was put out, thousands of clubbers steamed back in - to the tune of Fire by Arthur Brown.
Cockroaches in hotel rooms
As a team we’d get a permit pass to go into Manumission and other clubs.
Clockwork Orange was in San Antonio and regularly featured foam and water parties.
I saw everything on the dance floor through those murky fountains of water.
Couples snogging, bonking, losing their clothes, money and shoes.
People will tell you Space was cool and the same goes for Pacha and DC10.
They all had their own start times and if you wanted to stay out there was no reason to see your hotel room.
Which was just as well because most holidaymakers stayed in the mankiest accommodation.
The Spanish were fairly canny knowing it was just a place to put your head down. The rooms were grim — I spotted rats and cockroaches.
Then there were all the 18-30 day trips.
One couple started having sex behind some bushes on a day trip. We'd only arrived half an hour earlier.
Money was everywhere around the Old Town harbour area.
Me and a colleague got invited on to one floating gin palace — it was easily the length of my west London cul-de-sac.
The original 'wellness hippie' paradise
The Laurence Fox eco-warrior character in the series absolutely existed when I was on the island.
The “wellness” industry thing was going on in Ibiza decades before Gwyneth Paltrow knew how to steam her vagina.
Naturists hang out everywhere including the coolest beach Salinas.
It’s also why everyone wanted to go to the beach at Es Vedra where the small rocky island is reckoned to be the third most magnetic spot on earth – that’s after the North Pole and the Bermuda Triangle.
It explains why the hippies have been settling in Ibiza for decades.
People reckon it’s this rock where sirens were first spotted and UFOs have also been "seen" there too.
No one ever turned up to a meeting on time, it was always ‘manana’ this and 'later' that.
Everyone undergoes a personality transformation on the island.
Even a trio of 60-something “merry widows” out for a good time were happy to be filmed dancing in their bras.
But then as a group of girls shouted proudly into my Ibiza Uncovered camera: “We’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time!”
Olé to that and Ibiza.