Boris Johnson’s ‘oven ready’ tripe minimises Brexit – he must ditch it to win election
WHAT the hell is an “oven-ready” Brexit deal? Makes the most important thing this country has done in 70 years sound like an Aldi vegetable moussaka.
Oven pre-heated to 200 degrees, take off the cellophane and allow to stand for two minutes before serving. Try it with our crunchy garlic bread.
Boris Johnson kept using the phrase in that awful debate he had with Old Man Steptoe the other night. Steptoe was worse, mind, but only marginally. You look at the two of them and think: “Christ, is this the best we can do?”
This is the most important election of our lifetimes. Not just because it will deliver Brexit or kill it for good. But because of what awaits us if the Tories don’t win.
Corbyn and the Trots, backed up by the monomaniacal Scottish Nationalists and the Lib Dems’ ghastly Jo Swinson.
If you work hard for a living and are sick of the whining hierarchies of victim politics, good luck to you if that lot win.
The latest accusation is that Corbyn’s going to pull us out of Nato, having called for it to disband in the past. I look forward to our new military alliance with Iran, Venezuela and North Korea. The man is genuinely berserk.
Until the past week, I’ve been very pessimistic about Bojo’s chances. Labour does not have to do very much to make it the largest party in a lefty-remainer coalition.
But for the past seven days I’ve been travelling the country — and I think things have changed, decisively.
From Jarrow in the North, down through the Midlands to Essex, voters are turning away from Labour. They may not always much like the Tories. But, by God, they can’t stand Corbyn’s Marxists.
This is especially true in my home area, Teesside. Absolutely solid Labour area — until very recently. At the last election the Tories nicked a seat from Labour. Since then things have picked up pace.
Incredibly, Teesside elected itself a Conservative mayor, Ben Houchen. And now — even more incredibly — Labour has been ousted from power in Middlesbrough. The independents have taken over. And Middlesbrough’s MP Andy McDonald, a bad-tempered Corbynista, faces a challenge from a very popular independent, Antony High.
This is the thing. In northern and Midlands working-class areas, the Tory vote is picking up rapidly. The Labour vote is crumbling.
And in areas where Tories cannot win, independents or other parties — including the Brexit Party — are poised to take crucial votes from Labour.
So, in Leeds, my party, the Social Democrats, are challenging Labour’s awful stranglehold on the city. The same thing in Warrington, where Kevin Hickson is standing for the SDP and may take enough votes to give the seat to the Tories.
Everywhere I went there was disillusion with Corbyn — among the working class. There’s still a bit of support for him among the middle classes, for sure. And among the bloody hipsters.
LABOUR NO LONGER PARTY OF THE WORKING CLASS
And this is the point. It shows that Labour has ceased to be the party that represents ordinary, working-class people. It has become a party of the metropolitan middle class. If you wear a beanie, have a beard and run a café selling Rice Krispies for ten quid a bowl to merchant bankers, you’ll be for Corbyn. Nobody else is.
My guess is Bojo will pick up a good ton of seats in the Midlands and the North East. Especially if he stops using stupid phrases like “oven-ready” Brexit deal.
For the first time in a very long while I can see a clear path to a Tory majority and Brexit. Thank the lord for that. And once Boris has won, let’s replace the Labour Party with an opposition that truly cares about the working class.
Labour's new slogan
WELL done to the Labour Party for sticking to its guns.
Its latest poster begging you to vote for the Marxist rabble features a party member who has been censured for making vile anti-Semitic remarks.
At least you know where you stand with Labour.
They are not remotely sorry about the awful anti-Semitism in the party. All they need do now is slightly alter their campaign slogan by one letter. So it reads: “For the Many, not the Jew!”
Andy's a Prince of fools
THE thing that has got me about the Prince Andrew stuff is that people were surprised.
Surprised, first, that the Prince seemed a bit thick. No, really? You were expecting penetrating shafts of wisdom? It’s Prince Andrew, ffs! He has the IQ of a box of polyurethane, all-weather garden ornaments (B&;Q, £15.99).
And surprised, second – that until yesterday – he wasn’t repentant for having been a friend of the horrible Jeffrey Epstein.
Listen, it’s Prince Andrew. He has spent his entire adult life mixing with appalling people, in between playing golf. Arab arms dealers, Russian gangsters, grizzled old tyrants from the ’stans.
But credit to the BBC’s Emily Maitlis for a good interview. She actually asked sensible, measured questions and listened to each reply.
I half hoped she might carry that method on into her political interviews. But nope, two days later she was back shrieking abuse at the Conservative James Cleverley.
Em will get to dress up
POUTY albino Game Of Thrones moppet Emilia Clarke has been complaining that she was “pressured” to do nude scenes to keep her fans happy.
A couple of years ago she was telling the world that the bits in GoT where she gets her kit off were all in keeping with the plot. And all done in the best possible taste. Hmmm.
Emilia should rest easy. She is now in her thirties. And such is the horrid sexism and ageism of the film industry that she won’t be “pressured” by film directors for very much longer.
And then she can moan about that, too.
Uni union so loony
NEW evidence emerges that our university students are being taught by morons and maniacs.
The union which represents lecturers and professors has decided that white people should be allowed to identify as black, if that’s what they want.
Never mind that they’re not black and have no experience of being black. If they want to be black, they can be.
But presumably they’re not allowed to make themselves LOOK black?
These people are genuinely deranged.
Claire's election thriller
LET’S hear it for Miss Whiplash, the fun-loving Liberal Democrat candidate in Canterbury.
Claire Malcomson has paraded in S&M gear for a TV advert.
Masochism is a complex thing and comes in many forms. One might be nailing your old fella to a plank of wood. Another might be joining the Lib Dems.
Anyway, Claire says she won’t be doing such ads any more because it might, “damage my credibility”.
Nooooo! Surely not!
Incidentally, have you seen the opinion poll which showed that the more people see Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson, the less they like her?
A shrill, undemocratic harridan in my book.
I think I’d rather vote for Magic Grandpa’s Trot Alliance.
China
YOUNG Simon Cheng, who worked for the British Embassy in China, has a story to tell.
He was abducted by the Chinese police, beaten up, shackled and blindfolded.
They thought he was stirring up trouble in Hong Kong. I wonder how tough we will get with this foul country? We’ve summoned the Chinese ambassador and given him a bit of a ticking off.
But the Chinese have just told us to get stuffed. As they always do.
Get tougher and threaten them with sanctions and they’ll probably bung us another bloody panda, like they usually do.
But we ought not to be scared of China.
And we should stand up for people who work for us, and fight their corner.
Brain on beakfast
A NEW scientific study seems to show that kids who eat a proper breakfast get better GCSE results.
Hmmm. I have no doubt the numbers are true. But I suspect it’s not the food that’s making the kids better at exams.
It’s well-off parents who tend to give their kids decent breakfasts every day. Because they have the time and the money to do so.
The real link is between affluent parents and GCSE results.
A boiled egg won’t make much of a difference.
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Mars as empty as Andy's head
A PROFESSOR in Ohio has decided there are lots of insects on Mars.
He had a look at some photographs of the Martian surface. And the shapes he saw were, he reckoned, weird alien beetle-type creatures.
I think he got out those photographs just after last orders, frankly. The stuff he thinks are beetles look to me very much like rocks.
I suppose we’ll never accept the truth – that there’s nothing out there at all.
No life, sentient or otherwise. Just a vast echoing emptiness of the kind you find inside Prince Andrew’s skull.
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