Volvo V90 review: Estate put through its paces – and driving it feels like piloting a rocket ship

WHY can’t criminals resist the urge to spend their dirty money on total show-off cars?

It baffles me. If some scumbag ends up with enough grey matter to make serious wedge from crime, and uses his powers for evil, he should have sense enough not to advertise.

But they can’t help themselves. Managed to amass hundreds of thousands from selling drugs and still not got caught?

Yeah, go ahead, spend it on a Porsche 911 Turbo. It will fit right in on the estate.

Who would be suspicious of an unemployed person driving a £150k car?

Now, I in no way condone a life of crime but if I were to live that life, I would choose my ride very carefully.

I would want something that blends in, a car which doesn’t turn heads but instead screams “two kids and Bupa gold membership” whenever I drove past the cop shop.

But the snob in me also wants the luxury and performance my bank balance can afford. It’s a tricky one, but such cars exist — like the Volvo V90.

I expect I’ll get an angry phone call from Volvo about this one — it won’t see the funny side of my analogy — but Lord knows someone needs to sex up its image.

And my point is, no gaudy gangster would be seen dead in a Volvo, even though Volvos more than match the quality and class of cop-baiting cars made in Germany. So really, I’m paying a big compliment.

The V90 is a very fine car.

If you still can’t let go of the boxy, family-wagon image, I urge you to book a test drive.

The first thing you’ll notice is the fact the V90 is actually a bit of honey. She’s easy on the eye this one, especially for an estate.

But it’s inside you’ll want to be most. Driving feels like you’re piloting a rocket ship.

Every bulge and bump on your body is cosseted by deep, plush seats as you survey your perfectly designed command centre.

Crowning the lavishly leathered centre console (leather dash standard across the range) is a portrait-style 8in touchscreen, which is so slick and intuitive it feels like Steve Jobs invented it.

Room in the front and back is ample, although with 560 litres of boot space the V90 is no longer the class leader.

In typical style, the manufacturer sent me the range-topping version, which meant I was in the hybrid T8.

It’s clever tech, boasting a pure electric range of 28 miles, and it has got one hell of a wallop (0-62mph in 4.8 seconds. I had fun playing chicken with Storm Eleanor).

But you don’t need to pay a £60k-plus price tag to get the best out of the V90.

For those living away from unfriendly cities, the diesel is ultra-refined.

But if you are in one of the NOx-Nazi’s catchment areas then you can opt for the 190bhp T4 petrol.

There are six trim levels to choose from, starting at £36k with the diesel and topping with the T8.

But the list of standard features is mind-boggling.

Even in entry level Momentum trim you will get adaptive cruise control, Volvo’s semi- autonomous Pilot Assist system, Hill Start Assist, LEDs, automatic wipers, dual zone climate control with pollen filter, heated seats . . . you get the idea.

It even comes with a parking ticket holder for the Waitrose pay and display. Volvo knows its audience so well.
Although I suppose you could hide drug money in it.