We take greenest e-Golf on the market and the mental Golf R out for a spin to settle the Golf debate

QUESTION: What multiplies quicker than a wet Gremlin?

ANSWER: The Volkswagen Golf.

10

Every 40 seconds somebody, somewhere in the world buys a new Golf. Every F-O-R-T-Y seconds. Even chateau le Clarkson has one.

We’re now on generation 7.1 (a little tweak with, er, more Gizmos) and there’s four modern flavours to choose from – petrol, diesel, hybrid and pure electric.

Here we compare the greenest, the e-Golf, with the meanest, the utterly mental Golf R.

POP! That’s 40 seconds . . . and another new Golf finds a home.

10

VW e-Golf

GO save the planet – and look damn good while you’re at it.

This is the VW e-Golf, zero emissions and 100 per cent electric.

It doesn’t scream “I’M DIFFERENT” by being buck-tooth ugly like other eco warriors. Yes, you Prius, Leaf, Ioniq.

MOST READ IN MOTORS

HIGHWAY HELL

Fury as skinflint councils reject up to 96% of pothole compo claims

NEW LOOK

Volvo reinvents its smallest car as all-electric 4x4 with all-terrain features

CLASSIC SUPERCAR

Rare 70s Lamborghini with enormous V12 engine to sell for £4MILLION

HIDDEN GEM

Iconic 80s hatchback abandoned for 20 YEARS is uncovered.. & worth lucrative sum

It looks tidy, like a normal Golf, except for one small thing — there’s no poo chute at the back.

Even the charging socket is hidden behind the normal fuel filler cap.

It’s subtle and understated and means you can go about your business quietly and efficiently under the radar.

Now, just because the e-Golf is kind to polar bears it doesn’t mean it is weedy or boring. Not a bit of it.

10

Electric cars are fast. Just one forward gear with maximum torque instantly — and they just keep going and going.

The e-Golf bangs out 136hp and 290 Nm of torque.

They’re also a giggle to bomb along a B-road. Just ease off the accelerator before a bend and the regenerative braking slows the car for you.

Another win is that it runs on pennies. As low as 2p a mile compared to at least 10p for a petrol car.

10

But there are still issues. Several issues, in fact.

Firstly, range. The official NEDC figure (New European Driving Cycle) is 186 miles. That’s as likely as a snorkeler in flippers beating Mo Farah in a marathon. But VW is quick to quote a real-world range of 124 miles and I matched that on my test drive.

Next up, charge time. A rapid public charger will give you 80 per cent juice in 45 minutes. Not good.

A 7kWh wallbox at home would take 4hr 15mins.

10

But use a normal 230v socket and you may as well walk (13hours 15mins).

There needs to be seismic improvements in charge time and range before we reach the so-called “tipping point”.

Lastly, price. The e-Golf will cost around £27,500 (including £4,500 Government grant).

That’s big money for the privilege and inconvenience of being green.

10

But it does come loaded with all the top kit, including hand-gesture control, digital driver’s screen and fancy sweeping indicators.

And it is a Golf after all, not a Prius.

Out May.

Golf R

GENTLEMEN, please be upstanding for the 2017 Golf R.

The hairy-chested hero of the VW Golf family — and now a man-size 310hp.

Utterly mental, utterly entertaining and a delicious antidote to those scratchy words “sustainable mobility” which are starting to infest the car world today.

10

Now let’s talk numbers.

The 2017 Golf R has ten more horses than the old Golf R — and 65 more than second-in-command, the GTI Performance (245hp).

It also has sticky all-wheel drive, whereas the GTI Performance is front-wheel drive. So it’s different gravy.

The Golf R can bang out 0-62mph in just 4.6 seconds with the DSG auto.

10

That’s sports car fast, a tenth quicker than the Ford Focus RS, and makes it harder to pass than a kidney stone.

Even the Golf R estate stops the clocks at 4.8. But VW isn’t done yet. Tick the box for the Golf R

“Performance” option and the limited top speed of 155mph is hiked to 166mph and you get a throaty titanium exhaust and even better brakes.

Of course, all of that is perhaps a little frustrating.

10

Use it properly on the road and you’ll be facing a custodial sentence and sewing up mail sacks.

I did all my research on a race track. Another plus for the Golf R is the looks. It’s not shouty.

It is pleasingly understated and only a real aficionado could tell it apart from the rest of the bloodline.

Clue: Some gloss black detailing, quad exhausts and the ‘R’ badge. And that’s about it, apart from the driver sat there with his happy face on.

10

Inside, the Golf R has the same crisp look as the e-Golf and shares the same cutting-edge tech like hand-gesture control, Apple CarPlay, the 12.3in digital driver’s display and so on.

But now it’s decision time.

Would I spend my cash on the e-Golf or Golf R? Er, no contest.

The Golf R with wipe-clean seats in the back please.

It makes my heart dance. It does everything brilliantly.

But show me the e-Golf in ten years when it goes further, faster and can refuel as quickly as a petrol car.

When it matures, then. When it’s got some hairs on its chest.