GCSE results not what your child expected? Here’s how failure CAN be an option and how to help your kids cope

HORDES of teenagers will collect their GCSE results today . . . but not all will be left smiling.

For some, that brown envelope will reveal they failed to reach the grades they were ­hoping for.

If your child is struggling to come to terms with their exam results, what can you do to help?

Psychologist Emma Kenny says: “Failure is a part of adult life but exams are often the first time young people are really exposed to it.

“Any successful entrepreneur will tell you it’s a vital part of personal and professional growth.

“Knowing how to deal with it and make it work for you will be a huge learning curve but it’s possible.

“If your child hasn’t got the grades they wanted and they feel like their peers are heading off in new directions without them, helping them make sense of their results can see them grow as an individual and gain a mental strength that they didn’t even know they had.”

Here Emma tells CLARE O’REILLY how failure CAN be an option and gives her top tips for parents helping kids to cope.

Don't hide upset

Emma says: “No one bounces back or learns their lessons instantly from failure.

“Give yourself or your child time to grieve and be upset, angry or let down by what’s happened.

“Whatever they’re feeling, allow them to feel it guilt free.

“Before you can move on to using it in a positive way you need to reconcile the natural distress that comes with not getting what you wanted or hoped for.”

Don't panic

Emma says: “Panic is useless, it clouds judgment and clear thinking and while it’s most likely going to start rising in their chests, there’s no good that can come from it.

“Over the summer teach them some breathing techniques to stay calm like the 4-7-8.

“Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold your breath for seven seconds, then breathe out through your mouth to a count of eight.

“Keep them focused on the facts at hand. No they didn’t get the results they wanted but their lives aren’t over, they will keep going, they can still get to where they want to go or their dream job.

“Teenagers can be prone to drama at the best of times so limit the dramatic scenes and meltdowns by getting them to focus on what they’re good at and what they can do.”

Put it in context

Emma says: “While it might feel like their world is falling apart, the reality is that it’s not.

“They might believe they’re the one of their friendship group or class that’s not fared well but the reality is that millions of young people across the country are in the same boat.

“There are always hashtags on social media that will show them they’re not alone and give them some much needed solidarity.

“Encourage them to ask teachers or adults they respect whether they ever failed exams.

“Richard Branson left school with no qualifications and Alan Sugar has one GCSE. People fail all the time, you’re not alone.”

Learn from it

Emma says: “They won’t want to do this immediately but when they’re ready, encourage your son or daughter to think about why they failed.

“Did they, hand on heart, work as hard as they could? Did they do their absolute best?

“The answer is most probably no but in order for your child to grow from failure they need to identify why it happened.

“Did they pick the wrong subjects? Was their coursework below par?

“By identifying why your child feels they failed, they can ensure it won’t happen again given the same set of circumstances.”

Have fun

Emma says: “More than ever, in the face of failed exams, it’s important for your child to remember their age and have some fun.

“There’ll be plenty of time for analysis and decision making but remind them to be kind to themselves.

“Nothing can be done immediately to change what’s happened so concentrate on what they love doing and have some fun.

“Smiling and laughing will release the happy hormones, which will help them approach their decision making on what to do next in a more balanced manner.

“Get them exercising or out with friends and also get them planning something, whether that’s their next step, applying for summer jobs or a holiday with friends.

“By refocusing their negative energies into something positive they’ll reframe their feelings of failure.”

What happens next?

Emma says: “When they’re ready, turn their thoughts to the future and make sure they thoroughly explore every avenue.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

“If they’re going to re-sit they need to identify their failings and remedy them before they go back to school.

“Speak to colleges about NVQs, access courses, apprenticeships.

“There’s never a single route to where they want to go so get them thinking about other ways they can achieve their goals.

“Whatever they do, they need to explore and exhaust every option before deciding on their future.”