Identical twins reveal what it’s like when one sibling transitions to another gender
The 36-year-old twins were born as brothers but, at 23, Alyssa underwent gender reassignment surgery to become a woman
WHAT'S it like to be an identical twin who transitions to another gender?
Alyssa and Matt Call share their story...
‘Matt has always protected me’
Alyssa Call, 36, is an NHS receptionist and ward clerk and lives in Exeter, Devon, with her brother Matt.
“I’ll never forget how I used to sit on the garden wall at our home in Exeter when I was just five and watch my twin brother Matt kick a football about with our cousins and uncle.
They would try to get me to join in, but I longed to be allowed to go inside and play with my sisters.
Matt and I may have been identical but we couldn’t have been more different.
Where he was happiest playing with action figures or climbing trees, all I wanted was to play hopscotch or dress up dolls.
Looking back now, I can see I was screaming to be a girl, feeling completely trapped in the wrong body.
I didn’t even know what transgender was, but I knew what I felt in my head didn’t match my body.
As young as five, I’d ask my mum Janet, now 63, why I couldn’t use the girls’ toilets at school, and she would reply it was because I was a boy.
It was the obvious answer, but it made no sense to me at all.
I knew Matt was a boy, and I knew I looked exactly like him, but everything on the inside felt different.
He and I were incredibly close, sharing that special bond all twins do.
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When we went to secondary school at 11, we stayed close.
We did paper rounds every morning and attended choir together.
We’d stop and pick apples and blackberries on the way home so Mum could make a crumble.
But our social lives went in opposite directions – he made friends with lots of boys and was on the football team while I surrounded myself with girls and started refusing to cut my hair.
Thankfully, Mum never believed in boys doing ‘boy things’ and always encouraged us to do what made us happy.
While at home I was completely supported, I wasn’t at school, where I was called names like ‘sissy’ and ‘poofter’.
I kept it a secret from Mum because I was so embarrassed.
The only person who knew about it was Matt, who would always stick up for me.
But he couldn’t make it stop, and I didn’t know where to turn.
This feeling of being in the wrong body tormented me, and I was crippled by my insecurities.
At 14, I realised I was attracted to boys, but it felt like too much to deal with.
Lost in a fog of depression, I overdosed on painkillers and had to be rushed to hospital.
I felt so ashamed for putting my family through the ordeal.
They were devastated and begged me to talk to them instead of hurting myself.
I knew then I would never do that to them again.
And that’s when I started telling myself that I would be OK.
I began counselling and opened up about how I felt – that inside, I was female.
Even so, I didn’t use the word transgender until I was 17 and saw Dana International win Eurovision for Israel in 1998.
I researched her journey and surgery and it suddenly hit me – I thought: ‘Oh my god, that’s me.’
I booked an appointment with my GP and told him I thought I should have been born a female.
He suggested starting hormone therapy, as I’d been receiving counselling already.
Knowing there was something I could do gave me the confidence to come out to my family – starting with Matt.
Although he had known I was unhappy, he was shocked when I told him why.
He said he was worried about how people would treat me, but assured me he’d support me no matter what.
My parents split when I was a baby and my dad has not been a main fixture in my life, but my mum and siblings were understanding, and gradually I started wearing make-up.
Then when we were 21, Matt came out as gay.
Growing up, I did think he seemed a bit camp but I never wanted to pry or try to make him talk about it.
When he told the family, I wasn’t surprised – just proud of him for being honest about who he was.
I had gender reassignment surgery in September 2002 to create my vagina, and a breast augmentation the following year when I was 23.
Being able to look in the mirror and see my body finally reflecting how I had always felt on the inside was the most wonderful feeling in the world.
At last everything matched and I wasn’t trapped any more.
My family and Matt were so supportive and they could tell I was now the real me.
But it wasn’t so easy to leave the past behind me.
People who had known me from school would hurl abuse at me in the street, calling me a ‘tranny’, ‘he/she’ or ‘freak’, and asking: ‘What are you?’
The windows of my flat were smashed, and I was targeted by a man who punched me in the face as I was getting off the bus.
So in early 2009, Matt and I decided to move in together – he wanted to protect me, and knowing he was watching over me, as he always had done, was such a comfort.
We still live together, and apart from normal sibling bickering, we’re closer than ever.
Of course, I’d like to fall in love some day, but having relationships as a trans woman has been challenging.
When I was younger, I shied away from dating because I was too scared of being attacked, and because my confidence was so low.
Over the years, I’ve had a few flings but I could never bring myself to tell the guy I was trans.
Instead, I’d just end things before it got serious as I was terrified of their reaction if they found out.
Now, however, I’m determined to be more open.
Everyone has a past, and I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of mine.
I’m dating again and I’m ready to be honest about myself for the right guy.
Meanwhile, I know Matt will always have my back, just like I have his.
I spent so many years trying to hide who I was, but thanks to his unfailing love and support, I’m happy in my own skin at last.”
‘Seeing my brother become my sister was amazing’
Matt, 36, is a delivery driver.
“My twin brother was always a bit different, but when you love someone you don’t really think anything of it.
Aly was just Aly, and has always been a very sensitive soul.
From the age of six, he’d try on our sisters’ clothes, but at 13 he stopped.
I suppose when you’re struggling, the only option is to live a lie.
The first time it really dawned on me that Aly wasn’t like other boys was when we were six.
He was running down the street with his coat over his head, pretending to be She-Ra Princess of Power, when he ran into the road and was hit by a car.
He was rushed to hospital and the only thing he asked for was one of our cousin’s dolls.
That memory always sticks with me because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ for a boy.
As we got older, Aly became more effeminate.
It used to break my heart when kids would call him names – all I wanted was to protect him.
Aly used to hate PE because he was always the last one picked for teams.
Once, he left his PE kit at home to get out of the lesson and the teacher started mocking him in front of everyone, putting on a camp voice.
I stood up and shouted: ‘You’re nothing but a bully!’ and stormed out after Aly.
Even though he was getting bullied himself, Aly was always the first to stand up for other people.
When one of our friends was victimised for being gay, the rest of us said nothing, but Aly sat by him.
I thought Aly might be attracted to boys, but I never guessed he was transgender.
Even though I had known I was gay for a while, I waited until I was 21 to come out because I didn’t want to take anything away from what Aly was going through, and I knew some people would think it meant I was trans, too.
When you’re twins, people can think you are the same in everything.
I knew by then I fancied men, but I never wanted to be female.
At first it was hard for everyone to adjust, but seeing my brother transition into my sister was amazing.
She’s had so much abuse though, and it’s terrifying knowing that she is a target just for being true to herself.
Moving in together has been a brilliant decision because we support and protect each other.
Aly has fought back and grown from a shy and insecure boy into a beautiful, strong woman. I am so proud of her.”
If you found this story interesting, you might like to read about how two transgender bloggers documented their transition on YouTube.