Mum slams her £55k-a-year husband for saying she should go back to work full-time after baby… but is she in the right?
The upset mum had only been planning on returning to work for two or three days a week
A MUM has sparked a debate online after she was left feeling “upset” when her husband asked her to go back to work full-time when her maternity leave was up.
The aggravated Mumsnet user took to the parenting forum to ask other mums what they made of her hubby’s request – and it proved quite the discussion starter.
The mum added that even though she used to be the breadwinner, her husband earns £55,000 a year and the pair have savings - so she didn’t see the need to go back to work full-time.
She went on to say that she had only been planning on doing “two-three days a week for the sake of my job”.
But, when the couple started looking at nurseries for their baby, it became obvious that her other-half was expecting them both to work a full-time job.
She added: “I can't even exactly specify why this makes me sad, perhaps makes me feel less like a woman and more like just his mate?"
Fellow mums were quick to wade into the debate and many were critical of the matter.
One wrote: “Less like a woman? Because he thinks you should have a job rather than staying at home raising children?
“How utterly depressing.”
Another added: “I don't get it. Why haven't you had a proper sit down chat about all this?”
One user blasted the mum’s outlook as backwards, adding: “This is very 1953! The womanly thing to do is stay at home with the DC [ darling child]?! Come on!
“Sounds like your DP [darling partner] is perhaps a little more open minded as to a woman's role in the family!"
But some were more supportive of her, and urged her to chat to her husband about where to go from here.
“I see what you mean, given that you don't need the money it would be nice if he took a more generous/holistic attitude regarding what was best for you/the baby.
The mum's post in full
“I've never really planned on being a SAHM [stay at home mum] but I also never voiced a wish to go back full time post baby.
“In principle I don't really agree that LO should go to nursery before he's at least one but I was willing to do it for 2-3 days a week for the sake of my job (I've got a feeling they might want to replace me with my mat cover longer term, and if I come back after 12 months they are not obliged to give me the exact same position I occupied previously whereas this is guaranteed if I get back within 9 months.
“Also following my husband's recent (massive) promotion he is now on £55k and we have savings (to which I have very largely contributed as was previously earning more than him) so it's not like we really desperate for the extra income.
“So imagine my surprise when we were viewing nurseries and he asked for full time rates.
“I told him I was only thinking part time and he accepted this but I could tell he was a bit... I don't know, disappointed?
“AIBU for feeling a bit upset about this? Considering the costs of childcare it's not like I'd be bringing home much anyway whichever option we choose.
“I can't even exactly specify why this makes me sad, perhaps makes me feel less like a woman and more like just his mate?
“It's especially so as his mother never worked post children and also in the past he had a girlfriend who just chose not to work (no kids or anything) and as far as I understand he was perfectly fine supporting her.
“We've just had his friend nip over a few days back to announce his wife was pregnant and my husband gone into giving him financial advice straight away including to factor in for the extortionate costs of childcare, and his mate just said ‘I'm not worried we have savings and I'd be happy for her to stay home with the baby.’
“That just really did it for me - how nice that he didn't have some inherent expectation that the wife needs to constantly perform both at home and at work.”
“Even if he wanted to go part time to spend more time with the baby himself, that would at least show concern for your families work/life balance.
“Just all sounds a bit money driven, which isn't very attractive imo [in my opinion]” .
Another backed her up, adding: “If you can get by on one income, do it.
“You will never get those years back.
“Looking after children and a home IS a full time job and one he needs to show you some respect for doing.
And someone else reasoned: “I hear you. But I think you need to have an open and frank discussion with your DH rather than just feeling upset.
“He may simply not understand what it is that you want to do”.
What do you think?
Earlier this year, another Mumsnet user sparked a debate when she was given a wedding invite that said “adults only” and another user was left angry that her new husband’s mother invited herself on their honeymoon.