Young British Muslim women reveal the challenges of finding romance – as their MUMS go with them on ‘dates’
FINDING ‘The One’ is a challenge many young British Muslim women face.
Caught between their 21st century lives and the expectations of an older generation, singletons are now turning to mosque matchmaking services to meet their life partners.
Channel 4’s new documentary Extremely British Muslims is a fascinating three-part series that examines what it is like to be a Muslim and live in the UK today.
The programme features Albela ‘Bella’ Nabi who has turned her back on an arranged marriage and taken it upon herself to find a husband with the help of Birmingham Central Mosque.
The 24-year-old fashion graduate - who had hoped to meet someone at university - explains the perils of meeting men.
“You’re not allowed to have a boyfriend. You can’t meet men in bars or clubs. If you meet them you need to have a chaperone,” she says.
She admits finding the strict rules imposed on dating a struggle, adding: “There are too many rules. I just wish I had freedom.”
Bella is sometimes envious of romantic dates, first crushes and kisses that western Brits enjoy as part of young adulthood.
“You can do whatever you like. You know when you watch... rom-coms and stuff and they're like, let's go for weekends away to Paris,” she says.
But she’s hopeful the Islamic dating service will come up trumps, adding: “The people I meet at the bureau are serious. They’re looking for a life partner, like me.”
The documentary shows Bella meeting with a potential match called Mikael.
Their first encounter takes place in the mosque and is witnessed by her mum and sister Sabrina, who sit just a few metres away.
At the end of their meeting she says: “He was lovely. He’s not really backwards and stuff. He was kind of cute.”
It doesn't prove fruitful but Bella isn't deterred and is determined to find someone - with the help of her family.
The film narrator explains that British Muslim women are “facing a crisis”, because many are caught between modern life and the older Muslim generation keen for them to settle down.
Engineer Nayera, 30, has been looking for love for two years.
“This is the problem, you’ve got these two cultures and finding a common ground between them is a discussion you need to have,” she says.
Nayera sets up an early evening meeting with a man she met on a Muslim-only marriage website.
“Race isn’t important to me but religion is because it’s a fundamental part of who I am,” she says.
“So is being British because that is a fundamental part of who I am.”
Nayera meets Hanaan, 35, who has been looking for a wife for five years. He tells her what he expects from a future partner.
He says: “I will be straight up, if I have a child with my wife and she is working I would expect her to prioritise the kids.
“I will not leave my job to be a ‘man dad’, so I will be the breadwinner as long as she realises that the child needs a mum.
“To me a mother is more important than a father bringing up a child.”
Nayera explains that she believes domestic responsibilities and financial commitments should be shared equally between two parents, adding: “It is not feasible in this day and age to survive on one parent working.”
Their ‘date’ comes to an abrupt end but Nayera later meets someone through her mum and is now getting married.
Extremely British Muslims also gives an insight into the Birmingham Mosque Sharia Council.
The council is an Islamic court that deals with divorce applications and is the only one in the country with a female judge, Dr Amra Bone.
Many women attend the court that have had an Islamic wedding but are not married by British law.
To end a marriage a man only has to say “I divorce you” three times, but a woman must seek permission from the Sharia council.
Fatima, 33, explains: “This is the only route I can take to get divorced by my husband.”
Fatima’s partner decides not to take part in the Sharia process.
She explains they have been married for 14 years but he has been in prison for two years for drug dealing and has not supported her and their four children.
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“After a couple of months of marriage he showed his true colours and asked for money from me,” she says.
Fatima says there is no trust between them and she is fearful of him. “There is no looking back.”
The council agree to dissolve Fatima’s marriage.
The documentary also features Osma, a single mother-of-two, who got divorced nine years ago as she attends a Muslim Marriage Event.
“Divorce is a taboo subject. A divorced man might be interested in marrying another divorcee, but the family say no - they find that a bit of a burden,” the 37-year-old explains.
Meanwhile, 28-year-old Mohammed Ashraf ‘Ash’ Mahmood is seen resisting his mum Shamima’s attempts for an arranged marriage with an 18-year-old Pakistani girl.
He shares some of his own traditional Muslim views, saying that in an ideal Islamic household his wife wouldn't mix with her husband.
“If it comes down to a proper Islamic household, women should be in one section and men in another, there should be no mixing," he says.
“There is no real need to. If my friends were to come round my wife can just knock on the door and say ‘there’s some tea’. She doesn’t need to meet anybody, that’s how it would work.”
Extremely British Muslims airs Thursday on Channel 4 at 10pm