Look good, be honest, snog… but don’t get legless, says First Dates love guru Fred Sirieix
DATING is a tricky game – especially when you don’t know the rules.
One man fell foul of the basic guidelines this week when he BILLED his date for half the cost of their night out — because she did not fancy a second date.
Londoner Lucy Brown, 38, was shocked when the guy from dating website Plenty of Fish texted her demanding she cough up and giving details of his bank account.
He wrote: “I really fancied you and saved up some money to take you on a nice date . . .
“I’d be grateful if you could send along something to contribute for the drinks I spent on you thinking I’d at least get to see you again. The total cost of the night was £85.”
The key to finding lasting love is to get that first date right
Fashion designer Lucy duly sent him £42.50 and donated the same amount to a donkey sanctuary.
She said she had “never laughed so hard” about the unfortunate end to their night spent drinking Jagerbombs in a Clapham pub.
But just what is the etiquette of modern-day dating?
One man who knows is maitre d’ turned love guru Fred Sirieix, who oversees Channel 4’s First Dates at his restaurant in central London.
Fred, who has written a book on the subject, says: “So many things can go wrong in dating these days. It’s more difficult than ever.
“That’s not because we are meeting more unsavoury types, but because modern technology means we have more choice than ever — and that’s not necessarily a good thing.
“I know people who have gone on 100 first dates, but no second or third dates. The key to finding lasting love is to get that first one right.
"You can’t become a karate master overnight, but this is my guide to get you on your way.”
Here, Fred shares his top dating dos and don’ts . . .
DO the asking, even if you're a woman
By and large I think women do like to be asked out. But it is 2017 so if women want to take the reins, then that is wonderful.
I recently met a few couples where the women had done all the legwork when they first started dating — nothing wrong with that.
DO dress to impress
You need to look and feel your best so pick clothes which are going to help you feel confident. They can be sexy, they can be casual, whatever you like, but always look clean.
Iron your shirt or dress, polish shoes — these are the basics people don’t always think of.
And NEVER wear dirty clothes — you shouldn’t look like you’ve come from a building site.
Perfume or aftershave is good, but not too much, just a spritz to create a little aura.
DO be honest
When you post pictures and describe yourself on dating sites, they have to be true to what and who you are — there is no point in lying.
Similarly, while you can be open-minded about your date, you have to be compatible.
If someone isn’t what you envisioned of course be kind, be sweet, but don’t kid yourself.
DON'T worry if you mess up that first impression
First impressions are important but you can always make amends later. I think of it like dealing with someone who has made a complaint in the restaurant — first acknowledge the mistake, apologise for it and then ask to start again.
Try saying something like: “Forgive me, I did not greet you well because I was a little nervous.” Turn your mistake into your advantage.
DO share your food
If you know a particular restaurant or a bar don’t be afraid to take the lead and order for your date.
I do this, but don’t assume people will like everything and be careful when it comes to something less middle of the road like chicken livers.
My top tip is to go somewhere where you can share food. There is nothing better than sharing plates, because it’s all about that intimacy.
DO have a drink, but not too much!
Alcohol helps to relax you, it helps you feel cool. It’s good to have a couple of glasses of wine for some Dutch courage but don’t drink so much that you have to be taken home in a taxi or ambulance.
And remember, on a first date eating is not cheating, so line your stomach.
DO mind your manners
Good manners are not old-fashioned and they should always be remembered on a date.
We might be forever reinventing things but basic manners are always de rigueur.
Dating is like customer service, you have to show that you care. People aren’t mind readers so little acts of kindness such as opening a door or holding out a chair show who you are as a person. As Shakespeare said: “Action is eloquence.”
The only rule is have fun
TINDERELLA, The Sun’s dating columnist has this advice . . .
“Think that dos and don’ts are the key to finding love? Do one. This is not Fight Club (it just feels that way sometimes) and there are NO rules.
“These days people hook up and split up in the blink of an eye, thanks to the unprecedented choice and freedom of apps like Tinder. So telling them how to bag The One with a list of set behaviours seems hopelessly old-fashioned.
“The key is just to have fun and do what works for YOU. My only tips? Don’t sext an ex, never lie and be kind to everyone even if you don’t fancy them (karma, yes?).”
—Don’t miss Fabulous Daily in Friday’s Sun for Tinderella’s latest adventures.
DON'T talk about yourself too much
Conversation, especially on a first date, is a two-way street and don’t forget it.
Take an interest in the other person, let them choose topics for conversation. I often overhear one person talking too much about themselves on a first date. This is just not good and is bound to end in disaster.
And never bring up your ex on the first date. That is a massive no-no.
DO flirt
Lots of people get scared by the prospect of flirting, but it’s much easier than you think.
Make eye contact, smile, use the tone of your voice and gentle touch on the hand or back — or by gently swiping an eyelash off a cheek.
That’s the wrapping and bow on top. But always do it with humour and make sure your flirting is shared and accepted.
DON'T reveal too much too soon
The more dates you go on the more you can reveal about yourself, but on early dates some things should remain on a need-to-know basis.
Have a little faith that things could work out but take things slowly, and concentrate on enjoying getting to know the other person before disclosing too much.
After all, if you put everything on the table right away then you are defeating the object of having that exciting first date.
Romance on the skids
WHEN the rules of dating are broken it can all go very wrong, very fast. These people should have read Fred’s guide . . .
Romantic Phil Stephenson, 22, took things far too fast when he whisked a girl he had only just met on Tinder to Turkey for their first date.
Unfortunately they were caught up in a military coup.
They were stuck in their hotel room, where things soon turned sour.
Phil, pictured, did a runner and flew home – leaving the girl with a £60 bar bill.
Show-off Martin Taylor from Belfast necked 11 pints and nine Jagerbombs on a date, then insisted on going bowling.
The video his date took of him drunkenly tripping over the rails, launching his ball down the wrong lane and falling flat on his face went viral last week.
Made in Chelsea’s Stephanie Pratt revealed when she was on a first date with a guy in LA, she left a $100 bill on the bar for drinks while she went to the loo – and when she returned he’d nicked the change.
Twitter user Makela from Toronto, who calls herself @_blotty, shared the story of her most disastrous date last March.
She revealed that she used her date’s toilet but panicked when her poo would not flush away, so she fished it out and left with it in her handbag.
And a snap of a couple dining in the Olive Garden, North Carolina, went viral in 2013 after the man, apparently furious with his companion, built a fort out of menus as a barricade to hide behind.
DO split the bill
It’s 2017, always split the bill between you. But if you think your date should pay, make sure that you are clear on this from the start.
If you can’t agree on something as simple as this on the first date then you’re in trouble.
DO have a snog (at the very least!)
Kiss! I never hold back and if you both want to, why wouldn’t you? If you want to go to bed on the first night there is no right or wrong.
People often find their beliefs on this evolve as they age; they are different when you are in your twenties, to your thirties and your fifties.
Just always be mindful and respectful of your date.
DON'T wait to text
If you really liked your date, you shouldn’t play games by waiting to get in touch. And besides, they are not a friend, you didn’t go out as friends — so just go for it.
A simple line telling them that you had a great time, and you can’t wait to see them again, should do the trick. Adding a kiss on the end of a text shows you like them.
An emoji is OK, too if it’s in keeping with the style of the conversation.
DO dump them politely
If things are going badly just make your excuses very quickly but always politely.
It’s not your date’s fault that they are not what you’d hoped for so never say anything that may hurt their feelings.
I would even send them a text afterwards, something like; “I’m sorry things can’t go further romantically but thank you for a great time. I wish you all the best. Fred X”.
— First Dates: The Art of Love by Fred Sirieix is available on Amazon now