I fear the cops will come knocking at my door after I cheated on my girlfriend with a schoolgirl
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Dear Deidre
I had sex with a girl who I’ve now found a picture of on Facebook in school uniform.
I’m terrified the police will be knocking on my door.
I’m a 24-year-old guy and I have a girlfriend of 25 but she works away a lot.
I work in a wine bar which gives me lots of opportunity.
I am a bit of a lad and have lots of one-night stands.
A group of girls came in recently.
They said they were celebrating the 18th birthday of one of them and they all looked in their late teens and even early twenties.
I started chatting to one of the girls who was gorgeous looking, with long brunette hair and tight leggings showing off her long legs.
She was flirting and so was I.
She asked me what time I was finishing work and whether I was good at making nightcaps.
She came back to my house after I’d finished my shift.
We both knew what we wanted.
We started kissing and cuddling and then we took our clothes off.
We had hot and steamy sex on the stairs as we were too caught up in the moment to go up to the bedroom.
I then carried her upstairs and we did it again.
She said she couldn’t stay the night so I got her a cab to take her home.
I felt guilty about my girlfriend but we’ve always agreed on a sort of open relationship.
I then traced this girl through social media and she was photographed with all her mates on the hockey field at school and then pictured in her uniform.
It says she’s 15.
I’d just assumed she was older.
Now I’m worried sick.
I’d never have gone with her if I’d have known she was underage.
I’ve been trying to message her but she won’t accept me as a friend on Facebook so I can’t explain myself.
DEIDRE SAYS: Girls can look older than their years – but in the eyes of the law, ignorance is no excuse.
You should have asked her how old she was.
Contacting this girl to apologise will only highlight that you now know she was underage so you just have to hope she takes this no further.
Please tell me you practised safe sex or else you could have further problems to deal with.
She sounds troubled – an attention-seeker who made a play for an older guy.
However, let me be clear, that even proving promiscuous behaviour wouldn’t help you if you were charged.
You were the responsible adult who should have asked her age.
This nasty wake-up call shows you that one-night stands can leave a bitter taste.
Talk to your girlfriend about truly committing to one another.
“Open” relationships usually end up causing trouble all round.
Devastated my idol has gone
Dear Deidre
I feel so sad since George Michael died.
I keep crying but I don’t really understand why I feel this way.
I’m 43 and I’ve followed him since I was a girl of 12.
If there was a programme about him or new music, I had to watch.
I suppose in today’s terms, I was a Whamette.
What’s happened was a total shock and I still can’t believe he has gone.
He’s always been there, if you know what I mean.
He was a legend and a very talented musician, too young to go.
DEIDRE SAYS: His music provided the backdrop to so many of our lives, it felt as if we knew George personally and he will be sadly missed.
It’s like losing a friend.
My e-leaflet Coping With Bereavement explains more about how loss can impact us.
But if you find you continue to be strongly affected, it’s probably a sign that this has triggered some personal issue for you it would help to look at.
RELATED STORIES
Marriage sex life is non-existent
Dear Deidre
My wife never orgasms when we have sex.
I don’t think she really likes sex at all.
We have an active sex life and make love every three days or so but it’s always me who instigates it and I always feel she’d prefer to be doing something else.
We are happily married with two boys and we are both 31.
She doesn’t refuse sex often but since she never orgasms, am I doing something wrong?
I worry we are growing distant.
When she’s got that faraway look in her eyes when we have sex, it makes my self-confidence plummet.
DEIDRE SAYS: The far-away look can be the inward gaze of a woman focusing on sexual sensations, but you need to talk to her.
If you’re sure she doesn’t orgasm, you need to do more exploring about what would work for her.
Only one in three women reach their first orgasm through intercourse.
My e-leaflet Women And Orgasm will help.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
AROUND two out of three of us suffer from depression at some time in our lives, and that affects our partner, children – anyone close to us.
We need not suffer in silence and my e-leaflet Dealing With Depression explains effective self-help.
Email [email protected] for your copy.
Gambling tearing us apart
Dear Deidre
My boyfriend’s addiction has almost destroyed us.
He’s 23 and I’m 24.
He used to put £1 into a betting pot once a week with his mates but then he got a job in a bookies and his gambling took off.
He’s spending nearly all his wages on gambling.
He told me he’d shut down his accounts and wouldn’t go into any betting shops.
He then opened new accounts in my name, using my bank account.
If I refuse to give him any money he kicks off.
He then loses my money and shouts at me for lending him it in the first place and we end up arguing.
He has to borrow to tide him over.
We want to move in together and have a baby but his gambling is stopping me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t contemplate a baby now.
A child deserves a stable family but your boyfriend will either make family life insecure or split you up.
Tell him you love him but he stops or loses you.
You both can find support through GamCare (0808 8020 133, ).
Giving him cash is just encouraging him.
Change your bank card and account numbers, look after his cards and only allow him the minimum.
If he refuses, call it a day.
I found sexts to work pal
Dear Deidre
I read a message on my girlfriend’s phone saying: “I’ve bought new undies specially for you.”
But she had sent the text to another guy.
For weeks she had been offering me sex if I babysat our son, who is two, while she went out with her mates.
I got suspicious and when she rolled in at 3am I checked her mobile and I found that message to a colleague.
I showed her the screenshot.
She went nuts and told me she had been unhappy for months.
She said she needs space.
I’ve gone to stay with my parents but I really miss our boy.
I’m 39 and she’s 36.
I was brought up in a broken home and I don’t want my son to be.
Can we recover?
DEIDRE SAYS: You can if you used to have a strong relationship and you’re both prepared to work, but you need to have a serious talk.
Ask her to be specific about what changes would make the difference.
Lots of couples find the early years with a small child very hard.
You’d have to be firm that the other guy would have to be out of the picture, though.
Assuming he is, my e-leaflet Looking After Your Relationship can help.
BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years – especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.
