After two weeks of food and booze, I’ll show you how to beat the post-festive blues

IT’S only the first week of the new year. But those medical gremlins have started already. That’s why my waiting room’s packed.

And one of the things it’s packed with is patients holding their bellies and groaning.

Which is hardly surprising — you’ve just spent the past couple of weeks stuffing yourself with food and booze.

So you’ll be begging me for some acid-zapping wonder drug.

And I’ll probably oblige. But not before the standard finger-wagging about eating sensibly, regularly and not too late, going easy on the spicy stuff and giving the alcohol a rest for a while.

That in itself might put out the fire in your gut.

Next patient, please. Feeling hopeless and helpless? Ah, it’s those post-Christmas blues.

It’s easy to be dragged down by the combination of scarily big bills, depressing dark days, packing up the baubles and a return to the humdrum.

But come on, no matter how much you wish it could be Christmas every day, you know it has to end. So put your pressies away, man up and get on with it.

Pep talk not enough? The quickest fix for those suffering a seriously unhappy New Year may be to take some exercise.

This boosts your natural anti-depressants, gets you out and about and helps shed the post-festivities blubber.

Though if you really are feeling seriously depressed, you might need a talking treatment or even medication.

What else is cluttering up my waiting room? An acute attack of guilt, that’s what.

Because you’ve already broken your New Year’s resolution, haven’t you? You’ve binged on chocolate, overdosed on nicotine and cracked open a beer or ten.

If your willpower’s running on empty, don’t despair. Your doc can help. Well, we can with fags and alcohol, anyway.

There are loads for treatments available on prescription to help you stop smoking.

And if simple advice doesn’t get on top of your boozing, we can point you in the direction of the local alcohol support service.

There’s more guilt, too. A handful of patients who’ve had “an accident”, by which they don’t mean a broken leg — they mean a broken condom. All that Christmas spirit got them carried away.

Emergency contraception can now be used up to five days after the event. And it’s certainly a better idea than crossing your fingers — though make sure you keep that resolution to sort out more reliable contraception for the longer term.

Not spotted yourself in the waiting room yet? Don’t be too smug. If dyspepsia, depression or dumped resolutions don’t get you, the winter lurgy probably will.

Not that you really need to see me about that. Whether it’s a sore throat, a hacking cough or a touch of D&V, a bit of common sense, a dose of self-help and, if necessary, a trip to the pharmacist should sort you out.

You only need an appointment with your GP if your symptoms are severe or showing no signs of settling down.

But even when I’ve cleared that little lot, I still seem to have plenty of patients to see.

And they’re all after the same thing: a sick note. Because, every January, there’s always an acute outbreak of work-itis.

After all, you’d really rather bury your head under the duvet than face the harsh reality of getting on with 2017.

I sympathise. I get that same sensation every Monday morning. So I feel your pain – but you’re still not getting a sickie.