Amazing romps with my secret lover are just too good to give up… even though his fiancee has warned me to stay away
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I AM still meeting up with my lover for amazing sex – even though his fiancée has warned me to stay away.
I fell in love with him two years ago. He is 29 and I am 26.
I knew he was engaged when we met but he kept telling me he would leave his fiancée for me and I believed him.
We have wonderful sex and enjoy one another’s company. We cannot wait for our next meeting.
We talk every day too. He has saved me on his phone under a made-up name.
He did actually leave his fiancée at one point but he got such a lot of grief from people who knew about us that he eventually went back to her.
She’s 28 and he felt it was what everyone wanted.
Even so, our affair is ongoing. He tells me he loves me and wishes things were different.
We meet in places where no one will see us. If it ever got back to his fiancée, it would cause all sorts of trouble.
In some ways it makes our meetings and the sex all the more exciting because it has to be secret and is always in a different place.
The situation and the secrecy are starting to get me down but I love him so much, I could not bear to cut all ties with him.
I really have tried to replace him. I have a new boyfriend — someone I have known for years and once had a brief affair with.
He knows nothing about my lover because he thinks it is all in the past and done with.
My lover does not like me seeing my new boyfriend but he is now planning to start a family with his fiancée so I don’t think he should tell me what I can and cannot do.
I could not bear to be without him but all the secrets and lies are so painful.
DEIDRE SAYS: The longer you hesitate to break off contact with this two-timing guy, the more you will get hurt.
He doesn’t intend to be faithful to anyone. He is quite content to cheat on his fiancée and now talks about bringing a child into this unhappy situation. Do yourself a favour and stop seeing him.
You would do well to finish with your boyfriend too as he is obviously not so special in your life.
Ask yourself if you are drawn to men who cheat. If you are, give some thought to how and where you meet them and why warning bells don’t ring for you.
There are decent men out there. You need to find ways of seeking them out, maybe by improving your social life and meeting different people.
Listen to those warning bells in future. If you discover a guy has a fiancée or regular girlfriend, walk away. My e-leaflet on Finding The Right Partner For You can help.
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Boyfriend made me sob on Xmas
Dear Deidre
My partner bought me some lovely things at Christmas but we’d agreed not go mad because we could not afford to get into debt.
I stuck to my budget so my present to him was just a jumper.
He had a right go at me, telling me it was rubbish.
I am 32 and my partner is 35.
We both work full-time but my money pays all the bills so I could not afford to get him a flashy present.
I do all the cooking and cleaning but he makes me feel stupid and worthless.
He treats me like a child and sometimes I just sit and cry.
DEIDRE SAYS: He is bullying you and using issues like the Christmas present to wrong-foot you.
Do you really want to stay with a man who persistently makes you feel stupid, worthless and miserable?
I’m sending you my e-leaflet on Raising Self-Esteem because I think you deserve better, and I hope it will help you realise that.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
GAMBLING is easier than ever now we can do it online – as 2.1million of us do, spending £650million a year.
For most, it is just a flutter. But for some, it can turn into a life-wrecking addiction. My e-leaflet Gambling Problem? explains. For your copy email me at [email protected]
Lesbian girlfirend ruined my confidence
Dear Deidre
After three years together, my girlfriend dumped me but would not allow me to move on.
Now I have discovered she is a lesbian.
My confidence is totally wrecked and now I am having problems getting an erection.
I am a man of 29. I thought things were good until my girlfriend, who is 23, told me it was over between us.
This has turned everything upside-down for me.
I am worried there must be something wrong and that these problems will continue. I could not bear that.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover was the one who had the problem, not you.
This unhappy experience has clearly damaged your confidence, however.
Concentrate on getting over your disappointment at losing your girlfriend.
If you find you still have erection difficulties with your next girlfriend, my e-leaflet on Solving Erection Problems will help.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also private message on the Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE)
Guy next door is stealing my wife
Dear Deidre
I popped home to see if my wife was all right when she left our neighbour’s party early – and met him coming down the stairs.
My wife was in bed and claimed it was nothing to do with her.
I checked her itemised phone bills and found out she had been messaging my neighbour, but she deleted the texts every day.
My wife promised nothing had happened but their chats were so frequent, I could not help worrying.
Then I discovered she had been contacting him via Twitter, saying she missed and loved him.
Now she says she wants space.
I am 41 and so is she. We have been married for 17 years. What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: There is something very wrong in your marriage and you need to find out what it is.
Apart from all these accusations and denials, do you talk to your wife about your relationship and how she feels about you?
If she says she still loves you, start by thinking about your sex life. If it is not exciting enough, this might be a key issue.
My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Woman In Bed could give you some fresh ideas.
My nasty message was sent to family
Dear Deidre
I wrote a stupid email to let off steam about my fiancé’s uncle.
I thought I deleted it but it somehow got sent to his mum. Now his family hate me.
I am 25 and my fiancé is 30. He and I live together.
I used to get on well with his parents but now they want nothing to do with me.
I wrote some unpleasant things in the email about my fiancé’s uncle, who is too touchy-feely.
I have tried to apologise but got no response. They have even slammed the door in my face.
I worry I am going to lose everything – my home and the man I love.
I cannot take any more and feel completely broken by what was just an idiotic mistake.
DEIDRE SAYS: Talk to your fiancé. He is the one who can bridge the gap.
Ask him to find a quiet time to talk to his mum or his dad – whoever is likely to be the most understanding.
Ask him to say your sending the email was a horrible mistake, that you regret it very much and want to be friends again, but don’t backtrack on the content if it’s true. They should listen and reflect.
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