Do I have to call off my hot fling with an old friend now my girlfriend is up the duff?

Dear Deidre

I AM having fantastic sex with an old friend from university but what do I say to my girlfriend, who has just told me she is pregnant?

I am 26 and my girlfriend is 24.

We have been together for two years.

Our relationship has mostly been good but my girlfriend has been distant and cold towards me lately.

I can’t understand it.

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We rarely have sex these days and she has made nasty comments to me too.

I went clubbing one night with some friends to clear my head.

I was having a good time and trying to put all my problems to one side.

I bumped into a girl who was with me in class at uni.

She is 27 and a gorgeous blonde with a body to die for.

We had a brilliant time catching up.

We had a few drinks and danced together.

She suddenly put her arms around me and looked deep into my eyes.

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She then kissed me as we danced.

I was taken by surprise but I couldn’t resist and passionately kissed her back.

Later we hailed a cab to her house and she invited me in.

Once inside, we kissed each other more passionately and moved to her bedroom where we quickly undressed.

I had the best sex in a long time.

I know I have developed real feelings for my friend and I think she feels the same.

We have been meeting up whenever we can.

I don’t feel guilty and I don’t think my girlfriend has any idea about what I am doing.

The relationship between me and my girlfriend is almost dead, while the sex I am having behind her back is unbelievable.

I want to break up with my girlfriend and get together with my friend.

I have explained the situation to my friend and she says she understands and is willing to wait, but when I tried to break with my girlfriend she announced that she’s going to have my baby.

DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe your girlfriend was acting coldly because she was feeling queasy and scared of telling you she’s pregnant.

Don’t just try to pretend everything is OK and let her continue with this pregnancy under the impression that all is well between you if it isn’t.

Is your relationship effectively over?

In that case, you must be honest if there is a likelihood she could become a single parent.

Legally, you will have to pay child maintenance – and you have a moral duty to be a caring and involved dad.

It’s so easy for sex to feel exciting with someone new, but what happens when your lover is the girl back home?

If the baby on the way makes you realise you have been letting your relationship slide, break with your lover and put fresh energy into life with your girlfriend.

My love for cross-dressing may end my marriage

Dear Deidre

I’m a 39-year-old married man but I’ve bought new high heels, kinky PVC dresses, basques, stockings – the lot. I’m feeling the urge to cross-dress more of late.

My wife is 37.

She knew about my secret life before we married but she’s discovered my new purchases and it upset her.

I don’t want to lose her.

She’s my world.

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I am heterosexual but need to dress up now and then.

I can’t stop.

I have never done it in front of her but she caught me in a skimpy leotard once.

Is there a happy medium?

I just wish she wouldn’t see me as some kind of weirdo.

DEIDRE SAYS: This need is unlikely to go away.

It’s a basic part of your sexuality.

Happy relationships are based on trust and honesty.

It won’t be easy but you must talk this over with your wife.

Tell her how much you love her and see if you can agree on a compromise.

My e-leaflet Worried About Cross-Dressing? might help.

Scared to tell him he's the one

Dear Deidre

I want to marry my boyfriend but I don’t want to scare him off by telling him.

We have only been dating for three months and he is my first proper boyfriend.

I’m 20 and he’s 22.

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My friends are all getting married, which is putting a bit of pressure on me.

I already know that I want to marry him but I’m not sure whether I should tell him as it’s so soon into our relationship.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t rush.

There’s plenty of time and he probably will feel pressured if you start hearing wedding bells now.

You are both still young to be planning your future and may find you both change over the next few years.

Enjoy spending time getting to know one another and just let your relationship develop at its own pace.

And resist the temptation to compare yourself with your friends.

It’s an added pressure you don’t need.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also private message on the  Facebook page.

Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE)

Cut off from family at Xmas

Dear Deidre

I will spend Christmas aching for my grandchildren who I haven’t seen since Christmas 2011.

My son-in-law raised his fists to me that Christmas Day when I asked him to stop swearing in front of his kids.

He had been drinking heavily.

But my daughter just sat there saying nothing.

She is 42 and he is 44.

I haven’t heard from them since.

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They cut me off and then moved to the other end of the country.

I have written but my daughter never replies.

I am 69 and miss my grandchildren so much.

Not being part of their lives hurts.

I can only think my daughter and her husband were angry over other issues and took it out on me.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is heart-breaking for you.

My guess is that your daughter felt awful but she had to stand by her husband because she was afraid of the fall-out for her and the children.

Keep writing to your daughter and send a little money for her to buy them presents if you can.

You can find understanding guidance through Grandparents Plus (, 0300 033 7015).

She will move on if I don't move in

Dear Deidre

My girlfriend is threatening to break up with me as I won’t commit to moving in with her and having a baby.

We’ve been together for six months and love one another very much, but I’m worried about my son.

I’m a 33-year-old single dad and my son is nine.

My girlfriend is 29 and has a daughter aged five.

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This has been my first relationship in five years.

I’ve found the transition from single parent to being in a relationship very difficult.

My son lives with me half the week and is used to having me to himself.

My girlfriend has become frustrated by this at times.

She now wants me to move in with her and for us to have a child together ­– but I don’t think I or my son are ready.

My girlfriend is furious I won’t commit to moving in and says she will dump me.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s to your credit as a dad that you are so sensitive to your son’s feelings and it’s not a good sign that your girlfriend is showing so little patience.

Ask her to be patient but stand your ground.

Find support at Families Need Fathers (, 0300 0300 363).

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