Lesbian couple share the joy of their IVF baby miracle thanks to a sperm donor
AN Irish lesbian couple have revealed how they had to travel abroad to fulfil their dream of starting a family.
Audrey Rooney and Ranae Von Meding, from Dublin, always knew they wanted children together.
The loved-up pair tied the knot in March after going out for eight years.
And the happy occasion was made even more special because Ranae was 18 weeks pregnant with their daughter Ava.
She said: “It was one of the most magical days of my life.”
The cute tot, now four months old, was conceived using reciprocal IVF treatment.
In their case Audrey donated her eggs, and Ranae carried the baby.
Ranae said: “We may not have been able to have a baby the conventional way, but through this life-changing experience we have a deeper love for one another.”
And she added: “There are many ways of making a family.”
“Audrey and I always knew we wanted kids.
“We both come from big families and it was something which we were both very clear on from the start of our relationship.
“After we had been dating for a couple of years, we began talking about how we would start our family.”
They pair decided that Audrey, a stage manager at the Gate Theatre, would donate her eggs and Ranae would give birth.
Actress Ranae explained: “I don’t think we ever made a conscious decision that I would carry the baby.
“It just seemed a given. I had always wanted the experience of being pregnant, whereas Audrey didn’t really have the desire to actually give birth.”
She told how using Audrey’s eggs meant both women were physically involved in the baby’s conception, saying: “In our mind, that meant that the baby would truly be a part of both of us.
“We had built our relationship on sharing everything and this would be no different. A 100 per cent team effort.”
Audrey’s egg was fertilised by a sperm donor with characteristics similar to Ranae’s.
And Ranae told maternity magazine Mums and Tots: “Quite simply, we asked for a male version of me. So eye, hair, skin, weight, etc.
“But to be honest it didn’t really matter to me what our child would look like. Our baby would be a part of both of us. Her flesh and my blood.”
The pair decided to undergo reciprocal IVF without knowing there was a term for what they were planning.
It is becoming an increasingly popular choice for lesbians seeking fertility treatment.
Audrey and Ranae got engaged in December 2014 while on holiday in Portugal.
However, they soon learned they could not start a family the way they wanted at home in Ireland as there is no legislation to allow clinics to do reciprocal IVF here.
Ranae explained: “The doctor told us we could either do a standard IUI (intra-uterine insemination) with my own eggs or we could seek treatment in another country.”
She immediately began to wade through the options saying she was determined to make their dream a reality: “If they won’t let us do it here, we will just go abroad. I trawled chat rooms and IVF support pages, looking for advice.
“I was blown away by the sheer number of people travelling abroad, for many different reasons.”
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The pair flew to Barcelona for a month-long ‘baby making’ holiday.
They had chosen to work with The Cefer Institute just outside the city — the first fertility clinic in Spain to offer reciprocal IVF.
Ranae said: “I know this would not be a possibility for most people and so we were very fortunate to be able to take the time to do this. It meant that we were relaxed and rested, which is really important when undergoing any type of fertility treatment.
“At times we got very frustrated, having to go through all of this to start our family.
“You start thinking of all the people who fall pregnant without even trying.
“But you just have to accept that everyone has their own way.
“Every person, whether gay or straight, co-parenting or doing it alone — everyone has their own struggles when it comes to pregnancy and parenthood. There are always obstacles to overcome, and we just had to accept that this was ours.”
On their first round of IVF the pair were delighted with a very early positive pregnancy test.
But bliss turned to heartbreak when a few days later they had a miscarriage.
Undeterred, they tried again the following month. Ranae flew to Spain alone for one night for the procedure. And she felt this time was different.
She said: “I stayed in a hotel beside the clinic and the following morning had the transfer before heading back to Dublin. Later I just knew that it had worked.
“Sure enough, when I used a home pregnancy test a week and a half later, the word pregnant popped up on that little blue stick.”
On the situation in Ireland senior clinical embryologist and director of ReproMed Declan Keane said: “Clinics are in limbo. If they do offer it (reciprocal IVF), they’re offering it in a void without any clear guidance from our legislators.
“This field, this area of medicine, is rapidly evolving and with it comes those ethical and social dilemmas and the government needs to stand up on two fronts. One, give us regulation. We want it, the patients deserve it. Secondly, funding for IVF and fertility treatments should get some contribution from the public purse.
“One in six couples are in this position. We need help.”
Mr Keane called for a regulatory authority to be put in place to navigate the issues.