Parenting experts say it’s never too early to talk to your kids about sex, drugs, death or cancer
They may be difficult subjects to bring up, but experts reveal how to breach tough subjects with age-appropriate chats
WHETHER it’s cancer, sex or eating disorders, there are many issues parents find hard to talk about with their kids.
Here, CLARE O’REILLY reveals how to broach tough subjects with age-appropriate chats.
Some of the advice comes from parenting experts and behaviour change charity Addaction, which was formed in 1967 by Mollie Craven, whose son was addicted to heroin.
Death and bereavement
SACHA Richardson, Director of Family Services at Winston’s Wish, a charity for bereaved children, says: “Be honest with children about death. Say ‘died’, not ‘gone away’ or ‘lost’. Nothing you say will make it worse – the worst has already happened.
“For very young children, explaining that when a person has died their body doesn’t work any more and they can’t walk or feel pain can help them understand what being dead means.
“A child’s first experience of death may cause them to worry about things they have not considered before. Show them it is OK to feel upset and to grieve.”
Pornography
SEX and relationship therapist Nick Turner, relationship counsellor from Paula Hall Associates, advises parents to talk to their children about porn before they access it by accident.
He says: “You wouldn’t leave an open bottle of whisky in a child’s room without saying anything about it, yet young people walk around with the potential to access porn in their pockets.
“If you find something on their search history, keep calm. Ask about it but don’t be accusatory.
“It won’t be a single conversation, it’s a dialogue that needs to continue. Reiterate that it’s not an accurate representation of either sex or relationships.”
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Divorce
ALMOST half of couples who divorce have at least one child under 16, according to the ONS.
Nick Turner, relationship counsellor from Paula Hall Associates, says: “Children will be much better served in terms of ongoing mental health if parents can sit down together and explain a relationship breakdown.
“Avoid blame and reiterate it has nothing to do with the children or how much love there is for them.
“Explain that relationships sometimes don’t last for ever and people can change. When handled well, a split can teach children positive lessons about how relationships can end well.
“Talk to teachers so they can be vigilant for any behaviour change.”
Sexual health
NICK HICKMOTT advises: “Pick a situation where the topic arises – when TV adverts use sex to sell products, for instance.
“It will be awkward but emphasise you’re only finding out what they know because you want them to be safe.
“Try to find out what their current level of understanding is, what they’ve covered at school and how it was presented to them.
“Ensure that they are aware of contraception schemes in the area. Make sure you talk about sexually transmitted disease.
“Talking about intimacy and relationships can be really embarrassing but persevere.”
Cyber bullying and internet dangers
IT is estimated that 5.43million young people have experienced cyberbullying.
Suzie Hayman, of Bullying UK, says: “Parents need to set boundaries early on regarding screen time, and instil a rule that devices are switched off at bedtime. Try to lead by example.
“Vulnerable children can be consumed by negative online comments. It is crucial that a sense of perspective is injected.
“Encourage children to talk openly and without judgment about how their internet use and comments from peers are making them feel.”
Self-harm
IT is thought that one in every 12 children self-harms.
Rick Bradley, Head of Addaction’s Mind and Body Programme, says: “Understand there will be reasons behind what they are doing, even if they can’t really explain them.
“Self-harm is not ‘attention seeking’. Self-harm can offer a sense of control for people who feel they lack ownership of their life. Self-harm often comes with feelings of guilt and shame, so don’t judge.
“Talking about other ways to reduce anxiety can help.
“Sometimes, professional support is the way to go.”
Mental-health
APPROXIMATELY three children in every class suffer with a mental health condition, according to Young Minds.
Rick Bradley says: “It is normal for young people to sometimes feel sad, angry, hopeless or helpless. It is nothing to be ashamed of and making it a source of embarrassment will often only make things worse.
“Find new ways to talk to your kids – often walking side by side for a chat is easier than across the dinner table. If needed, get support together. The quicker you get the right help, the better.”
Cancer
EVERY day, around five children and 960 adults are diagnosed with cancer in the UK, according to Cancer Research.
John Newlands, Senior Cancer Information Nurse Specialist at Macmillan Cancer Support, says: “A child’s age will play a big part but being straightforward is generally the best approach.
“Drawings and books will help with small children, while open conversations will often be best with teenagers.
“Give all the information you can. Make clear that nothing they did caused the cancer and that, whatever happens, someone will be there to care for them.”
Drugs and alcohol
NICK HICKMOTT, Early Intervention and Risky Behaviour Lead on Addaction’s RisKit Programme, says: “Experimental behaviour is a part of growing up, so try to empathise with their attitude toward drugs.
“Make use of the resources out there to have accurate information so you are credible. Try to be non-judgmental, supportive and assertive.”
And never encourage them to drink alcohol before they turn 18.
Nick says: “Having open conversations can help develop a sensible relationship with alcohol. Consider your own approach to alcohol as it sends a message.”
Eating disorders
EVERY year, about 4,600 girls and 336 boys aged 15 to 19 in the UK will develop eating disorders.
Addiction psychotherapist Lou Lebentz says: “It’s vital parents practise what they preach. If you scrutinise yourself all the time, your kids will start to do it too.
“Eating disorders are usually a symptom of a bigger emotional issue. Focus on what’s underneath the eating disorder, without being judgmental.
“Talk about your own experiences, speak personally. If they see parents as non- judgmental and non-threatening authority figures, they’re far more likely to talk to you.”
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