I’ve just had my husband’s baby and now he’s cheating on me with my 22-year-old SISTER
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I HAVE just discovered that my husband has been having an affair with my younger sister.
We’ve been married for only two years and I’ve just had his baby — so I’m devastated.
I am 30. I was married before but left my first husband because I’d fallen in love with my current one.
He is 45 and was also married before.
I have since discovered he cheated on her as well.
My sister is much younger than me — 22 and still a student.
I was like a mother to her when she was growing up.
She has been coming to us in the holidays because our parents live abroad.
I had no idea she and my husband were sneaking around the house, having sex, whenever I was at work or when my back was turned.
I came across them whispering more than once and, on one occasion, I found her jeans in our bedroom.
I thought they were mine and tried to get into them but when I found they were too tight, I realised they were hers.
I convinced myself that it was a mix-up in the wash but I think that deep down I knew something was wrong.
Another time it suddenly started raining and my husband came in from the garden soaking wet and obviously bothered.
My sister was nowhere to be seen and I think she came in later, also very wet.
I found pools of water on the kitchen floor and wondered where they came from.
Again, I think I knew they had been out there together.
The secret looks and moving apart when I entered the room got beyond a joke and I finally plucked up the courage to confront them about it.
Their faces told me I was right.
The next morning my sister moved out, to a friend’s home but my husband just carried on as though nothing had happened.
I feel so let down.
How could they do this to me?
DEIDRE SAYS: You have your new baby to consider but if your husband still loves you and wants to stay married, you and he will have to figure out together why he found it so easy to give in to temptation.
It’s no excuse but did he feel side-lined by your pregnancy and the baby?
Or is he simply a serial cheat and sees little wrong in what he has done?
In that case you might be better off without him rather than always living with doubts about what he might be getting up to.
Spell out to him that this is make or break. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help you both.
Your sister may always have wanted what you have but she is old enough not to give in to temptation and it was a terrible betrayal.
Take your time but it’s sad to lose a sister.
Again, understanding may lead to forgiveness.
related stories
My fella says he's fallen out of lust
Dear Deidre
AFTER six months together, my partner says he no longer feels lust for me.
I still feel it for him.
I am a male of 24 and my boyfriend is 26.
We have had a wonderful relationship, seeing one another most days.
The sex has been great and we agreed we are totally compatible in other ways.
Then he suddenly announced that the lust is no longer there, although he still cares for me and loves me.
It makes me wonder if I am his type at all or ever was.
I keep questioning if it is how I look, talk or behave, and my confidence is zero.
We meet by chance when we’re out but now we are like strangers.
I cannot understand how this can happen after all we have meant to one another.
DEIDRE SAYS: When desire suddenly disappears for someone like this it is often about their fear of commitment or a lack of understanding of how to deepen a sexual relationship.
If what he said about still loving you is true, suggest you work together on your sex life so it is more pleasurable for you both.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.
BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years - especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.
I'm scared he will mistreat our tot
Dear Deidre
MY ex expects me to drop off our daughter at his new girlfriend’s house and he wants her overnight too.
I do not know this woman and worry she or one of her children may not be nice to my 18-month-old, who is at the stage when she touches everything, breaks things and has tantrums.
I am 26. My husband, who is 31, said he no longer loved me and left.
At first he visited our daughter at my house, then he moved in with this new woman.
My daughter does not want to stay anywhere away from home but he is threatening not to hand her back if I do not go along with his wishes.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex sounds to be putting his “rights” above your daughter’s needs.
She will be picking up on the tension.
My e-leaflet When Parents Fall Out could help him better understand.
Ask him to try mediation with you, to arrange what is best for your daughter.
Contact National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).
Catch my phone-in on ITV’s This Morning show from 10.30am tomorrow. Got a problem to discuss on air? Call me on 08000 30 34 44.
I fell for a woman on a long-haul flight... but our love ended at the arrival gates
Dear Deidre
ON a long flight back home after visiting relatives in Vancouver I got talking to the amazing lady beside me.
We clicked instantly.
We talked about our favourite TV shows, our favourite newspaper – yes, you guessed it – and a thousand other topics.
I am 38, she’s 36 and I have rarely experienced such stimulating conversation with a woman.
After landing, we were both pretty jet-lagged.
We walked towards our connecting-flight gates and said goodbye.
Too late, I realised I had forgotten to take her contact details.
I have tried searching for her online but with no luck.
DEIDRE SAYS: How very frustrating.
Let’s hope she reads this.
If you know which town she came from, you could put ads in the local newspapers, with details she would recognise.
But don’t let your search for her stop you being alive to people, and women, who are nearer to hand.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
I OFTEN hear from people worried that the way they or their partner like sex isn’t normal or is kinky. Nothing is wrong if they both enjoy it but one’s fancy can fill the other with horror. My e-leaflet Kinky Sex Worries? may help. Email [email protected].
Dear Deidre
I AM scared my relationship with my fiancé will not work out happily – he’s becoming increasingly violent.
He says he does not want to hurt me but he has put me in hospital with a fractured jaw and other injuries.
The other day he threw an empty wine bottle at me.
I am 23 and my fiancé is 26.
We have been together for almost a year.
I always forgive him because he says he is just struggling to grow up.
He still lives with his parents.
They say it must be my fault for stressing him out.
I do not know what to do, as I love him so much.
DEIDRE SAYS: This is not your fault at all, or about him needing to grow up.
His violence is his responsibility.
He has hurt you seriously and worse could happen. End it now.
You can get advice on how to do this safely, from the National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247), or see .
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
