I’m pregnant after the ultimate dirty weekend… and my baby has three potential fathers
In a wild 48 hours I slept with three men but I forgot to take the pill
Dear Deidre
I HAD sex with three men in 48 hours. Now I’m pregnant and any one of them could be the dad.
I’m 25, my boyfriend is 27 and we’ve been together for two years. We decided from the start not to have children for a while because we felt we weren’t ready.
My sister got engaged recently. She’s 22 and lives with her fiancé, who is 23. They had a party at their flat on a Saturday night.
Everyone got really drunk and after all the guests had gone, there were only the four of us left.
My boyfriend and I offered to help clean up but we first opened more wine and some beers. My boyfriend and my sister went off separately to bed so I was left with her fiancé.
He then suggested another glass to finish the wine. Once it was empty we decided to play spin the bottle.
I had to pay a forfeit, which was to take my top off. So I did. Then it was my skirt, then underwear.
Before I knew it we were having wild sex.
The following morning we acted as though nothing had happened.
My boyfriend had to work later on the Sunday so I went shopping and bumped into an ex of mine in town.
We broke up three years ago. He was a player and broke my heart. He is 29 now and said he’s changed and asked me to have a drink with him.
We started flirting and he used all his old charms. I couldn’t resist going back to his place. Sure enough we had sex but I realised afterwards he is as much of a player as ever.
There were photos all over of him with his girlfriend.
I must have forgotten my Pill that drunken weekend, and my boyfriend and I had already had sex on the Friday night.
Now I’ve found out I am pregnant and I don’t know which man is the father.
DEIDRE SAYS: Talk over the details with your doctor, because he may be able to say if one of the men is the more likely father.
But let’s be realistic. Your boyfriend doesn’t feel ready to be a dad, your sister’s fiancé clearly only wanted a one-night stand and your ex is still a player – and has a girlfriend.
Sounds as though you’d likely be a single parent and just think what a nightmare organising DNA testing would unleash.
But you have to be sure, as you have to live with any decision for the rest of your life.
My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy tells how to think this through and find support.
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My foot fetish is ruining my relationship
Dear Deidre
I HAVE had a foot fetish for as long as I can remember. It’s destroying my relationship.
I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months. I’m 23 and she is 21.
I confided in her about my fetish after around six months and she let me act out some of my fantasies on her, but it quickly turned sour as now she thinks her feet are all I’m interested in.
She is fed up that I never initiate sex unless I get to play with her feet. It makes her feel like she isn’t good enough.
I feel like I am letting her down. I want a normal relationship and so does she.
It’s not easy to suppress a deep-seated fetish and it may come down to negotiating boundaries – such as you have sex at least as often without involving her feet.
My e-leaflet Fetish Worry? explains more about why such desires develop and gives self-help tips.
My boyfriend is distant since we lost the baby
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend said I needed to get over losing our baby just a few days after I’d had a miscarriage.
I am 30 and he is 33. I’d been told I couldn’t conceive without IVF so we were both delighted when I got pregnant. I then suffered a miscarriage later that week.
My boyfriend said he would support me and we could try again in the future. But when I was crying a couple of days later he told me to just get over it.
It’s like he changed overnight. I have tried talking to him but he just says he is upset and won’t let me help him. I am so hurt and confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: Many men tend to go inside themselves when distressed. Give yourselves more time to grieve and contact the Miscarriage Association for support (01924 200 799 ).
BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years - especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.
Niece holidays in Spain but won't repay my £4,000
Dear Deidre
MY niece has virtually ignored me ever since I lent her £4,000, though I’ve asked her endless times to pay me back.
I am a man of 54. My niece is my late sister’s daughter and is 25. The money was meant to pay for a car and equipment to start a new job as a freelance hairdresser.
She has only paid me back £300 in 18 months. She could afford to go on holiday to Spain this year and her boyfriend has a good job.
I feel as though she just used me. Should I write to her asking one last time if she will repay me or take legal advice?
DEIDRE SAYS: This is shabby behaviour but unless you have an agreement in writing that this was a loan, the law is unlikely to help.
Go to see her and explain that you cannot afford to write off so much money. Try to reach an agreement about how much she can afford to pay back each month. Good luck.
Alcoholic mum is ruining my relationship with my sister
Dear Deidre
HATE my mum so much, I can’t stand to see her. My sister has invited me over but she lives in the same town as my mum and I’m scared I’ll bump into her.
I’m a 17-year-old girl and I haven’t seen my sister for a year. She’s 22, lovely to me and I really miss her.
My mum was a single parent but kicked us both out a year ago. She’s a raging alcoholic.
I live with my dad now while my sister lives with her boyfriend.
Mum called my dad recently saying she wanted to change and come home. Dad took her back but she didn’t stop drinking and would pick fights with me.
She’s gone again – and has taken all our money. I never want to see her again.
DEIDRE SAYS: Being rejected by your mum is so painful, as is feeling she loves alcohol more than you. It happened to me too.
Talk to your dad about how you feel. Also contact Alateen (, 020 7593 2070) who help 12 to 17-year-olds affected by someone else’s drinking.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
Customer at work is Mr Perfect... but am I being too keen
Dear Deidre
Dear Deidre
I GET on well with a customer who comes into the store where I work but I don’t want to fall for him if there’s no hope.
I am a gay guy of 18 and I think he is in his early twenties. I only work two days a week. We chat in a friendly, natural way and I can tell he likes me.
We have started to joke and flirt. He fits the bill of Mr Perfect but I don’t want to look too keen only to find out he is just being friendly.
DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t want to compromise your job. Be friendly until you find out if he is single.
That way you’ll avoid getting in too deep and being let down. Leave it to him to make any move to see you outside work.
