Should I ditch my older husband for his sexy son now our thrilling affair has escalated?
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I’M having passionate sex with my husband’s son. I am falling in love with him and we are thinking about running away together.
My partner is lovely and we have been together for two years. We got married just before our daughter, who is now one, was born.
He is 44, I am 26. He was my boss at work and runs a building firm. We began a fling while I was still with my ex and he was with his wife.
He has a son aged 20 who works for him. He is lovely and really good-looking. He comes over for Sunday lunch and we have always had a laugh.
He babysat for our daughter one night so we could go to a trade dinner.
My husband went to bed when we got home. I sat with his son and watched a film. We opened a bottle of wine and then another.
As I sat next to him I could smell his aftershave and, as I leaned over to reach for the TV control, he suddenly kissed me. He apologised but I didn’t mind and I turned to kiss him back.
One thing led to another and we were all over one another and ended up having sex on the lounge floor. He is a far better lover than his dad.
I went to bed and he’d left by the time I got up the next morning. He called me later and asked to see me. We met in town and had a chat.
He admitted he had feelings for me and had no regrets about what happened. He asked to see me again and I agreed.
We now sneak around to be together and have sex when he is supposed to be out on jobs or I am going to the gym.
I know we are risking being caught but it is thrilling. He asked me to run away with him with my daughter. He said he’s saved enough money and we can get a place. He’s got it all worked out. I am so tempted to take him up on his offer but it would hurt his dad.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your attraction to this young man, nearer in age to you than his dad, is understandable. His attraction to you, his dad’s partner, is a lot more complex than either of you realise.
His parents split up, he’s working for his dad and, as a man, it would not be surprising if he feels he has a lot to prove.
Winning the woman his dad is with would be a prize to make him feel his dad’s equal.
Stop fuelling the excitement by meeting this guy and put your energies into your marriage.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help.
Rocked by her secret affair
Dear Deidre
MY girlfriend has been having an affair with someone I know. I found out two months ago and was shaken to the core. I thought we were madly in love with one another.
We are in our thirties, have been together for seven years and have two daughters.
She said she did not know why she did it but that she was unhappy and enjoyed the attention this guy gave her. It is true I have not been overly affectionate. I want to get over this.
DEIDRE SAYS: There is a lot of talking to be done. If your girlfriend felt unloved, she was easy prey for someone else.
It’s in your power to stop her feeling neglected. Work out between you what needs to change. My e-leaflet Looking After Your Relationship will help.
CONTACT DEIDRE
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
Granddaughter's worth more than violent boyfriend
Dear Deidre
MY granddaughter thinks it is OK that her boyfriend lifts his hand to her because she hits him back. She refuses to hear a word against him.
She is 18 and been with this boy since she was 14. The police got involved and gave her leaflets about domestic violence, trying to warn her about their relationship.
He’s 19. He has stopped her seeing her friends and he’s now bad-mouthing her mum and dad. She is such a beautiful, intelligent girl. My wife and I can see what he’s trying to do to her and we are worried about her.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have good reason to worry. He is controlling and isolating her stops her getting a different perspective on his behaviour.
Talk to her about her future plans and help her believe she is worth so much more.
Speak to Family Lives (0808 800 2222, ).
Long road to engagement worries me
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend says he will get engaged only when I stop nagging. I might buy myself an engagement ring but I will look foolish if he turns me down.
We have been together two years. He is 23 and has a good job, I am a 19-year-old student. I am ready to get engaged and we are saving for a house.
He is the love of my life and told my dad that he will get engaged this year or next but when I talk to him about it he goes funny, like I should not be mentioning it.
I am petrified it is not going to happen and he means the world to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Buying yourself a ring would be a big mistake. It would be more likely to push him away and actually would give you little long-term peace of mind.
He is not ready to make the commitment so give him some breathing space.
You’ll be more irresistible if you make the relationship fun and don’t focus on the future.
I'd love to be a teen mum
Dear Deidre
I AM a girl of 16 with top grades in my GCSEs and on track to do well at A-levels, but all I want is a baby.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he would support me if I fell pregnant. He’s 17. We’ve not yet had sex – I could never have an abortion.
DEIDRE SAYS: Most women get broody but best wait until you can offer a baby a stable home.
This could be about your inner child being needy and stem from experiences in childhood. Understanding that will help you fulfil your potential as an adult.
You have a baby for a few months, then must raise a child to adulthood for the next 16 years. Your time will come but first you must be able to provide for yourself.
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Sexting shame left me suicidal
Dear Deidre
I WAS tricked by a fake account on Instagram.
I am a boy of 15 and thought I was pretty clued-up on social media. I met someone who said he was 17 and we hit it off. He liked the same things as me and soon we were swapping explicit sexy messages.
Then one day he posted our chats for everyone I knew to see. I’m so embarrassed. I’ve thought about ending my life.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes, especially young. Tricksters are often very skilled at manipulating and grooming victims.
Reach out to family and friends and share your feelings. My e-leaflets on Gay Worries and Staying Safe Online have sources of help and explain how to protect yourself against this ever happening again.
Papyrus HopeLineUK is there to help young people who are thinking about suicide (, 0800 068 4141).
