My hubby slept with my pal… and then told me while we were on our honeymoon
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
ON our honeymoon, my husband confessed he had cheated on me with one of my best friends.
It happened years ago but I am in bits.
My husband and I have been together for seven years and have a little girl.
We got married last month and went on our dream honeymoon to Thailand.
My mum looked after our daughter so we could have a really romantic break.
I’m 35 and I put up with so much crap from him because I loved him but I was always low down on his list of priorities.
Even when I went into labour he was in the pub.
He’s 40 now.
A rumour went round about five years ago that he’d had sex with one of my close friends.
She’s 38 and we used to take our kids to pre-school together.
He always denied it and when I confronted her, so did she.
He hung out with the wrong crowd so I figured it was somebody being spiteful.
He says he regretted it straight away and it was the biggest mistake of his life
He’s had a tough upbringing and a lifetime of people letting him down.
I didn’t want to bail on him when I had no proof.
He has been like a different person for two years now.
He’s attentive, hardly ever goes out and has said he realises what he has with us.
When he proposed it was like a dream come true.
The wedding was amazing but after a lot to drink one night on our honeymoon we were talking about our marriage.
He then dropped the bombshell and confessed that he did cheat on me with the friend that I’d thought he’d been with.
He says he regretted it straight away and it was the biggest mistake of his life.
But I feel heartbroken.
We’ve socialised with this girl all these years.
She’s even been in our house with her daughter, acting like nothing has happened.
I can’t see how we can move on.
DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand how raw the pain feels but it would be a shame to let a long-ago fling wreck what has recently been a strong and happy relationship, for your daughter’s sake too.
Tell your husband he can’t expect you to forgive and forget, but you are willing to try hard.
He was let down as a child, which may have made it harder for him to fully commit to your relationship.
But it sounds like he has now.
Tell him you’ll need reassurance but my e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can rebuild your relationship.
If you struggle, get help through Relate (, 0300 100 1234).
EVERY problem gets a free personal reply. Email [email protected], private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
I’m 55 and my daughter is 30. I’m not a prude but I felt very uncomfortable
Dear Deidre
I COULD hear our daughter and son-in-law having sex every night during a holiday in a lodge.
It was so embarrassing.
I’m 55 and my daughter is 30.
I’m not a prude but I felt very uncomfortable.
My husband is 58.
We enjoy regular sex too but we agreed we’d wait until we were both home to do it again.
I don’t want them to know what I’ve heard but it’s coming up to our 30th wedding anniversary and my daughter has arranged for us all to go away again.
This time she’s paying and we are going to be in a caravan where there’ll be even thinner walls. Help.
DEIDRE SAYS: Simply be honest.
It needn’t be a difficult conversation.
Make it light-hearted by saying: “And when we go on holiday, would you mind postponing your bedroom Olympics until you get home?”
Laugh it off and she’ll soon get the message.
Take some ear plugs – and have a lovely time.
I really want to know more about Dad but time is running out
Dear Deidre
I’M longing to find out who my biological father is.
My mum had a fling with a married man when she was younger and got pregnant with me.
She made contact when I was born, to see whether he would help pay for my upbringing, but he denied that he even knew her.
My mum died very suddenly when I was three.
I was brought up by my grandparents. I’m 22 now and my grandparents are getting on.
I really want to know more about Dad but time is running out.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your grandparents’ ageing is bringing up your feelings of rejection and loss but your father wasn’t rejecting you.
He was unable to cope with being a parent.
My e-leaflet Tracing Someone will help but if you find him it will be a shock and you can’t be sure how he will react.
Speak to PAC-UK (, 020 7284 5879).
Sex has never felt so good – but I still can’t climax
Dear Deidre
I’VE never had an orgasm and it makes me so sad.
I’m a 25-year-old girl and I’ve had partners of both sexes.
No matter the type of relationship, I still feel unsatisfied.
I am now with a wonderful man.
He’s 28 and our sex life is passionate and adventurous and sex has never felt so good – but I still can’t climax.
I got used to my body during my teens.
I know what works and what feels good but I don’t know how long to keep trying to get to that goal, or should I just put up with enjoying the sex as it is?
I don’t know what to tell him he should try.
DEIDRE SAYS: If sex is enjoyable and loving, then stick with it.
It’s frustrating but you need to explore together what feels good for you.
Focus on exploring your sexual responses and maybe less on intercourse and his satisfaction.
My e-leaflet Self-Help for Orgasm Problems can help.
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Teenage trouble
Dear Deidre
MY parents hate my boyfriend and they have banned me from seeing him.
I’m 17 and I met at guy of 27 at college.
He’s really nice.
I told my mum about him and at first they were fine about him – even the age difference – but then I got upset one night when he told me I couldn’t see my friends.
He then criticised me because he said my top was too low when we were going to a party.
My parents think he’s trying to control me.
He’s got a reputation for being a ladies’ man so they think he’ll cheat.
I want to give him a chance but don’t want to disappoint my parents.
DEIDRE SAYS: It would be great if you could get their blessing but they will have reasons for not liking him and there are alarm bells ringing for me too.
He sounds to be trying to control you.
Tell him that he can’t treat you this way.
If he changes, then talk to your parents about meeting him properly so they can make a more informed decision.
Otherwise, end it.
I’m longing to try but I’m terrified I’ll be laughed at.
Dear Deidre
I’M scared to ask girls out as my manhood is so small.
I’m 16 and my penis is just four inches long erect.
I play football for my school but dread away matches as some have communal showers.
My friends are now all asking girls out.
They all talk about sex.
I’m longing to try but I’m terrified I’ll be laughed at.
Should I try to find some growth pills to make my penis bigger?
DEIDRE SAYS: There’s nothing that can increase the size of your penis other than risky surgery.
You’re looking down on your own penis so it appears shorter.
When you’re older and in a sexual relationship, you’ll discover that technique is more important than length.
My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small? will help.
BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years - especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.
Dear Ben
I UNDERSTAND how tempting it is to spill the beans to your mum about Josie’s real job but leave her to resolve that dilemma for herself.
Focus on your own life. If it’s true there are no job opportunities in your area, why not consider a move? Or get some more qualifications so more is open to you.
My leaflet Help For Job Hunters gives lots of ideas and contacts.