I’ve given my long-term boyfriend an STI after my Spanish beach romp with mystery hunk
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I CHEATED on my boyfriend with a lad I met on the beach on holiday a couple of months ago.
We had sex behind a rock with the noise of the sea and the gulls all around.
It was wonderful but now I know I caught an STI and I am terrified I have passed it on to my boyfriend.
I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend, who is 23, for one year. He was too busy to go away so I went with some friends I’ve known since school. I was longing for a bit of sun.
The friends are nice enough but talked about student things all the time while I work in a hairdressing salon.
So I took to wandering off by myself. This particular day I went a bit further than usual and sat on a rock.
An English guy around my age came and sat by me and asked if I had ever been to Spain before. We got talking and he was lovely.
We must have been there for an hour. He mentioned having a bit of fun and ran his finger along my thigh.
I said it was not the place but I didn’t pull away. It actually made me feel all shivery.
He nodded over to the other side of the rock and winked. I followed him and we had sex there and then.
It felt exciting and wicked at the same time.
We went home the next day and I never saw him again.
When I got home and saw my boyfriend again I started to feel guilty about what I had done.
I imagined how I would have felt if I discovered he had been having sex with another girl while I was away.
To put my mind at rest I went for sexual health check-up and to my horror it came back positive.
I have had sex with my boyfriend since the holiday and I am scared to tell him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sad to say it but holiday hotspots are often hotbeds of sexual infection.
Getting tested was the right thing to do, but now you have to find the courage to tell your boyfriend so he can be tested too, otherwise his health could be at risk and he might re-infect you.
Some sexual infections can be symptomless for a good while, so it might be possible you didn’t contract this STI on holiday but before you met your boyfriend – or even that he gave it to you.
Check with the clinic whether that could be possible in your case. It might make for an easier conversation with your boyfriend.
If it’s clear it’s down to your holiday fling, he will be furious and you will just have to beg him to forgive you.
Either way think about why it was so easy to cheat. Was it just down to the holiday spirit or alcohol?
Loss of libido due to baby woes
Dear Deidre
I CAN no longer bring myself to have sex with my partner because we have been trying for a baby for so long and nothing has happened.
We have been together for four years. He is 22, I’m 23.
His brother’s wife recently had a baby, my sister is expecting and both my cousins have small children.
It breaks my heart because I long to be a mum. I feel they do not deserve to be parents.
It was all so easy for them. My partner means everything to me but I am totally off sex.
The whole baby thing is coming between us.
DEIDRE SAYS:Wanting a baby is a powerful longing but try to stop blaming and resenting your partner and families for what you fear is a failure on your part.
My e-leaflet Want To Have A Baby? explains how to give yourself the best chance of conceiving.
But see your GP too if you have been trying for more than a year.
Bullying brings me back to the school
ground
Dear Deidre
I WORK in a small supermarket and a guy who bullied me at school often comes in.
If he comes in my direction I find something urgent to do out the back. I feel sick and panic.
He is huge. I’m 25 but short and inclined to anxiety.
He never hit me when we were boys but he intimidated me and I was always scared of him. I have a vivid imagination and still worry about what he might do to me.
He stares at me and I am always worried he knows how I am feeling.
DEIDRE SAYS: He was a bully because he was weak. All bullies are weak at heart.
If they were confident people themselves, they would not need to intimidate others to feel important.
If he is still trying to stare you down, it shows how little he has grown up.
You can tackle your anxiety and panic with help from the self-help organisation No Panic (, 0844 967 4848).
TOPIC FOR TODAY
MORE men than ever struggle to climax these days.
Lasting long enough to satisfy your partner is one thing, but it’s quite another if it takes so long she’s bored – or sore.
For a copy of my e-leaflet Man Who Finds It Hard To Climax?
For a copy email me at [email protected].
My girl's father is abusive horror
Dear Deidre
MY husband was so angry about me divorcing him he sent threatening messages to women he’d had affairs with, pretending they were from me.
One attacked me in the street when I was out with my little girl.
I am 27 and he is 31. He cheated on me endlessly and sent intimate pictures of me to other woman as “security” to ensure getting a picture back.
It was so demeaning that I left him before our daughter was born.
He now wants our little girl to stay weekends with him.
She’s 18 months old and hates going. She comes home upset, looks neglected and hasn’t eaten properly. It takes me days to calm her down again.
Now he wants to have her more often and when I refuse he says I am unreasonable. I worry what he will do next. Our divorce still isn’t settled.
DEIDRE SAYS: Ideally children get regular contact with both parents – but not when one is an abusive bully like your husband.
Remember the court will aim to act in your little girl’s best interest.
Explain things to the NSPCC, which can advise you on protecting your daughter (, 0808 800 5000).
Fiancee's guessing I want to try guys
Dear Deidre
I THINK my fiancée suspects that I am bisexual.
Every time she asks me what I am thinking, I worry she plans to talk about whether I want to have sex with a man.
We are both 30 and I have known for years that I’m attracted to men as much as to women. I wish I was not.
We plan to marry in 2017. She is religious and I know I can never tell her my fantasy is to be with a man and a woman at the same time.
When my fiancée asks if she satisfies me and whether I have any fantasies, I keep my mouth shut about my true thoughts. I know I will lose her if I speak out.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though your fiancée already guesses something is up, but finding other people attractive is not unusual – and doesn’t mean you will necessarily act on those thoughts.
Do you intend to be faithful once married? Will you be able to keep to that?
If so, tell her you love her and will be faithful even though you find men attractive too.
If this longing is too strong for you, then best call off the wedding plans.
My e-leaflet on Bisexual Issues will help you decide.
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