Meet the new fans of ‘gentle parenting’ who ask their kids permission to touch them and never punish them when they’re naughty
These parents believe you should treat your children and babies in exactly the same way as you would an adult
YOU may think that there is only one type of parenting - you know, just simply “parenting”, but you’d be wrong.
You have your authoritarian parents, where parents dictate and kids obey, then there’s permissive, where kids can run free and everything in between.
But there is one style that stands out and is swiftly on the rise - “gentle parenting”.
What sets this style of parenting aside from more mainstream methods is that
the parent is ALWAYS mindful of how the child feels.
That means no forcing routines, losing your temper and asking permission to touch your child.
We asked Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of The Gentle Parent, about why she does gentle parenting. She said: “I treat my children how I would like to be treated myself.
“When they are little you may be able to scare them by shouting at them, smacking them, sending them to their room, taking things away from them or rewarding them with stickers and the like.
“When you have older children, especially teenagers who are bigger than you, this 'fear of God' parenting, or constant bribery just doesn't work.”
A lot of parents may feel that being woken up every thirty minutes by a crying baby, frequent feeding or a child refusing to eat as a bad things that need to be eliminated.
However “gentle parents” believe that these things should be happily embraced and children and babies should be respected at all times.
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Parenting is incredibly hard as it is, but for most of us, the idea that you can't tell a child what to do or force a child to behave better seems a step too far.
Of course like every movement, there is a spectrum of extremity. A more “extreme” version of gentle parenting sees mums and dads expressly ask their child (and babies) if it is OK to touch them.
Many parents believe that asking a baby for permission to massage, tickle, hug etc is critical to having a successful exchange of communication.
There are many gentle parenting Facebook groups where parents discuss permission boundaries with each other, some asking their children: "If it is OK to pick you up" or "are you happy for me to change your nappy?”.
In regards to touching permissions, Sarah told The Sun: “We’re not all vegetarians, we don’t all have dreadlocks and henna tattoos. We treat our children how we would like to behave.
“What we do do is to make sure that our children are happy with being asked to touch people.
“A classic example is, 'Give uncle a kiss goodbye.' So many children are forced to kiss relatives against their will.
“If the child says, 'I don’t want to kiss you,' I wouldn’t force it.”
Anni Jones, a mother-of-seven who advocates gentle attachment parenting told The Mail that she won’t let her husband help with their children until they are older than two.
She said she doesn’t find this relentless mothering stressful and doesn’t have time for parenting gurus who encourage mothers to have regular “me time” or share the load with their spouse.
Anni was featured on a BBC documentary with Ann Robinson about parenting and said: “A lot of people think it is hippy, new age parenting but it is going back to basics.”
If you are thinking of implementing the “gentle parenting” technique, some tops tips include:
- When your child is having a tantrum or acting out, before you do anything, stop take a deep breath and remind yourself this is your child’s way of let you know how they feel.
- Try to work out what you think your child might be trying to communicate to you, and name this mention or need for them.
- Empathise with what they are feeling, but if necessary let them know they cannot continue with what they are doing.
Sarah said: “Some people turn to gentle parenting with school aged children, or with teenagers, when it becomes apparent that fear and control based parenting just doesn’t work.
“Obviously the earlier the better when it comes to starting, but it is never too late. Many people find it actually helps their adult relationships too!”