Sex with fat wife’s hot cousin at family BBQ was one fling too many – now she’s dumped me
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I SNEAKED upstairs at a family barbecue and had sex with my wife’s hot cousin – it was just one in a string of affairs but my wife says it was one too many.
She says the cheating and lies have killed her love for me.
We have a daughter of 11 and a seven-year-old son and have been married for 13 years. We are both 35.
When my wife was pregnant she put on loads of weight.
Sex dwindled, she didn’t seem interested in me any more and I started looking for attention elsewhere.
I cheated for the first time at a work do ten years ago.
The boss’s PA was 24 and really pretty.
She came on to me and we went back to her flat.
I stayed until the early hours and my wife was asleep when I got back.
I started an affair with the girl.
It only finished when she changed her job two years later, though it turns out now that my wife had an idea about it all along.
My wife came looking for me and caught us in the act
She says she didn’t want to rock the boat because of our little girl — and then she got pregnant again.
The next affair was with a woman I met through our local football fans’ club. That lasted 18 months and since then I have had one-night-stands and brief affairs.
Then my wife joined a slimming club. She has lost 4st and looks incredible now.
I started to fancy her again but she was cold towards me.
I challenged her about it and she admitted she had cheated on me.
I was devastated but forgave her — how could I not, really? We went to a barbecue at her cousin’s recently.
I always flirt with this family member and when she asked me to help her get some chairs from upstairs I followed her.
She’s 29 and really gorgeous.
I was still smarting from my wife’s affair and I kissed her cousin.
She responded and we ended up having sex.
My wife came looking for me and caught us in the act.
I am still living at home but my wife says we are over.
I desperately want her back and it is very hard for the kids.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a shame that you – and your wife – didn’t think of your children before you risked your marriage by cheating.
Tell her you realise how much damage you have done but that you love her and are desperate to save your marriage.
If only for the children’s sake at first, ask her to agree to see a Relate counsellor with you to find a way forward (, 0300 100 1234).
Whether this works or not, you need to understand why you have cheated habitually and see how to stop.
Otherwise your marriage or any other relationship is never going to survive.
My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? will help.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
ONLY one in 20 women has no worries about her weight, and one in six men.
My e-leaflet explains how to reach your “happy weight” and stay there without starving or relying on impossible levels of willpower.
For a copy email me at [email protected].
Wedge between us after car debt
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend owes me a lot of money but he gets upset when I mention it.
He is currently unemployed.
I work full-time and had some savings when we moved in together.
I am 24, he is 26.
He needed a car for job interviews so we bought one on finance in my name.
He never missed a payment until last month, so I paid it.
I have used all my savings while he has been unemployed and I am scraping the barrel now.
It is driving a wedge between us.
An old flame messaged me recently.
We texted for hours and he wants to meet up.
I’ve declined but I’m tempted.
My boyfriend gets upset whenever I mention money.
He says he is the man and he should be supporting me.
It makes me feel really guilty.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have done your best and have no need to feel guilty.
Tell him you each need to take responsibility for your own finances and he needs to get a job – any job, as long as he is earning.
My e-leaflet Help For Job Hunters has lots of ideas.
If he doesn’t make a serious effort, best end your relationship rather than cheat on him.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
Fallen in love with abusive wife's sis
Dear Deidre
I’VE fallen for my wife’s sister.
I have told her I love her and she feels the same.
We’ve not acted on it yet but I can’t get her out of my head.
My wife is abusive, physically and mentally, and I have not loved her for a long time.
She hit me with the heel of her shoe six months ago, bruised my face and cut my head. I moved out and our children asked to come too.
I am 43, my wife is 42. Our sons are 15 and 12. My wife’s sister is single and helped me out. We grew very close.
My wife has now asked us us to go back. She said she’s changed and things will be different. Can I believe her?
She hates her sister and she forbids me to talk to her but my sister-in-law is always on my mind and I have sexual thoughts about her a lot.
DEIDRE SAYS: Has your wife actually had expert help to change? If not her old pattern is likely to resurface.
Contact the Men’s Advice Line, which support s men who have abusive partners (, 0808 801 0327).
In any case focus on your marriage for now and straighten that out one way or another.
If you end up single, then think about your sister-in-law.
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Hubby's only after sex with me
Dear Deidre
MY husband’s hands are always sliding up my top or down my trousers.
We’ve always had a healthy sex life but we would also sometimes just cuddle and kiss.
That never happens now.
Whenever I try to cuddle he goes straight for my intimate bits.
He is always after sex.
I can never relax around him as he is constantly groping me.
He is 25, I am 23.
He says I am the one with the problem.
Just the word “sex” drives me mad at the moment.
I think he is addicted to it.
DEIDRE SAYS: Sex addiction is different from a high sex drive – and what you are dealing with here is a difference between your sex drive and his.
Agree two nights a week when you will have sex and put some real energy into making it amazing. But insist on some evenings when you just cuddle.
My e-leaflet on Different Sex Drives will help you find a better balance.
Internet pop-up accusing me of child porn
Dear Deidre
I SWITCHED on my laptop and a site came up accusing me of all sorts of illegal porn – including child porn.
Yes, there is porn on my computer but it is all adult, all over 18 and nothing illegal.
I am a single man of 33 and there is no way my computer can have child sexual abuse on it. Just the thought of it disgusts me.
I’ve never looked at stuff like that.
I have not even switched the laptop on since.
I just want to throw it away.
The site looked genuine, had an Interpol logo on it and listed a range of fines which people have to pay for that kind of porn.
I’m thinking of taking my laptop to the police. But is it the right thing to do?
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a scam and will probably move on to demands for money, which you should ignore.
Best report this to Action Fraud, the UK’s national fraud reporting centre (, 0300 123 2040).
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Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
