I have found my soulmate and have never been happier… but I’m scared he’ll leave me for his wife
I'm not content to be the other woman but he always says his future is with his wife
Dear Deidre
MY lover says he cannot give me up yet makes it clear his future is with his wife.
I love every inch of him, he is my soulmate and my friend.
I know I should end it but I have no idea how I would go on without this man in my life.
It began four years ago at a party for my friend’s boyfriend. He had known this guy at uni.
We clicked on every level the moment we met and were kissing by the end of the night.
We did not exchange numbers though and my friend warned me to stay clear as he has a reputation with women.
Our paths crossed at other dos over the next year or so and the magnetic attraction was always there.
Then I heard he had got married so, the next time I saw him, I congratulated him and said: “Of course there will be no kissing this time...”
We both knew different and we slept together that night.
It was an evening of great sex and that’s when our relationship really began. We are together as often as he is around — he works at the other end of the country.
He married his wife abroad and she is not due to come to the UK until she finishes her studies.
We have even been on holiday together this year. We do everything a couple do but he always says he will not give up his wife for me.
He is 32 and she is 24. I am 37 and old enough to know better but we get on so well and it just feels so right.
He doesn’t just want me for sex. He would often rather we just go out for a meal or watch a movie together.
Nothing else matters so much as him but I live in dread of his wife coming over.
Things will change and he will either dump me or I will be the other woman that he sneaks around to see.
DEIDRE SAYS: Almost certainly he will hope you will accept being the other woman but that means even more emotional pain for you.
I can see it’s hard to imagine life without him but the longer this affair goes on the more connected you are and the more heartache you are going to endure.
Meanwhile, you are missing out on the chance to find your man who wants only you, as you deserve.
Better to go cold turkey, hold your head up even if your heart is breaking, and walk away.
Right now he has no reason to choose but you and he will find out who he really wants when you make a stand.
If you struggle to find the courage, look back to work out why you settle for so little when you deserve so much better. Read my e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? to help free yourself.
Topic for today
HALF of all men will lose their hair.
There are apparently cures for baldness but do they work, even if you can afford them?
My e-leaflet Losing Your Hair? could help you decide on the right course of action for you.
Email me at [email protected]
Sister's bloke is stealing from us
Dear Deidre
I’M sure my sister’s boyfriend is stealing money and booze from our parents’ house but she has no idea.
She is 18 and has just started a new relationship. I am her older brother and 22.
She is besotted with him, so we don’t want to hurt her with the truth.
He is her age and very crafty. He tops up bottles of vodka with water and my mum said yesterday that a lot of money has been taken from a drawer in their bedroom.
She is understandably furious about it.
He has told us he has leukaemia but his older sister has told me that he is making it up.
He is charming to my sister but I think it’s all an act.
DEIDRE SAYS: Why are you protecting your sister from this guy?
You are doing her no favours by allowing her to be duped by this boy.
If you have proof of what you suspect he’s doing in your home, your parents need to confront him and tell her too.
The chances are that he won’t show his face much longer and you can then help your sister to get over him.
Sex with my boyfriend is one big oh-oh no
Dear Deidre
I CAN give myself an orgasm but when I am with my boyfriend all sensations stop and I feel nothing.
I am 23 and got together with my partner two months ago. I’ve only had one other relationship and I gave myself orgasms for a while before I lost my virginity.
It’s like my body is tuned in to myself for pleasure but I cannot tune in to my boyfriend. It is so frustrating for us both.
He understands but I worry what I look like naked and I feel like a freak.
All my friends rave about their amazing sex lives.
DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of your friends will have worries they’re not admitting to.
Your boyfriend desires you as you are. Few of us look like the airbrushed pics we see of celebrities.
You sometimes need to retune your sexual responses with a new partner but it’s good you know yourself as you can guide him to touch you in the way that works for you.
Most women respond best to stimulation other than intercourse – that’s perfectly normal.
My e-leaflet on Women And Orgasm explains more.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
Wife and I should be having time of our lives
Dear Deidre
SINCE our son was born ten months ago, my wife hasn’t wanted to have sex. We only ever had sex once in a blue moon anyway. Now it’s never.
I am 29, my wife of two years is 27. Her gran left us a cottage, we have a lovely little boy and these should be the best days of our lives but I am not happy.
She is spending money like water and we only have my wage coming in. If I say anything she starts a row.
She has put weight on since the birth which gets her down. I tell her she is gorgeous but instead of doing something about it, she eats unhealthily. I think she’s depressed.
I feel unloved and as if I’m just a cash machine.
DEIDRE SAYS: Tell her you are worried because you can see she’s not happy. Urge her to see her GP.
You can find support through Pandas Dads for partners who are affected by pre/post-natal depression ( or call 0843 28 98 401).
More from Deidre
How can I burn bridges with bad bridesmaid?
Dear Deidre
HOW can I tell an old friend that I no longer want her to be my bridesmaid next year?
We are both 21. She moved away from our home town but we kept in touch.
There has been a distance between us recently. She keeps forgetting plans at short notice or not telling me about big changes in her life.
I told her how I felt but it’s made no difference.
She missed a dress shopping day and I was upset. She said she and her boyfriend were going through a tough time and she wasn’t in the mood.
I don’t feel we are still friends, so do I want her to be part of my wedding? Or do I give her one last chance?
DEIDRE SAYS: In your own joy you may have missed signs she could do with some friendly support.
Enquire if she is OK and if she would like a chat. Ask her if she is still keen to be your bridesmaid.
She will either welcome the chance to back out or realise she has to support you more.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
