Fit cougar cook from work canteen dished up great sex on the side – but I don’t trust her

Dear Deidre

I’VE been having sex with a cook from our canteen but she seems to be moving on.

I’m 25 and engaged to a lovely girl from my town. She’s 23.

I work in a distribution centre for an online shop.

A new lady started working in the cafe. She’s 38 and very fit.

She looks after herself and has a lovely smile.

She would touch my hand for a bit too long if she was on the till and had to give me change.

I asked her out for a drink and she accepted.

We drove to a country pub and she told me she was widowed last year after her husband died in a road accident.

I said I was engaged but she didn’t seem too worried.

A day later I went to her house and she kissed me as soon as I got in the door.

Then we went upstairs and had great sex.

She’s hiding something from me

She left her last job because people found out she had been having an affair with her boss.

After losing her husband so suddenly, she said she’d missed sex, which had always been her way of not feeling so lonely.

I kept seeing her even though I felt guilty. She told me she was seeing another man but I could hardly complain.

She told me she wanted to cool things but we were back in bed two weeks later.

Recently it’s become clear she’s hiding something from me.

She’s joined a dating site for “friendship only’” but says she still wants me in her life. I think she’s got someone else and we haven’t spoken in a week.

DEIDRE SAYS: Accept it’s going nowhere.

Do you really want more than sex from this woman? She is experienced but you are at different life stages. She isn’t looking for long-term commitment.

My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? will help you to understand more about this dead-end relationship.

You’ll feel better if you walk away first, rather than her ditching you when she gets bored.

She’s a needy woman who would benefit from bereavement counselling to come to terms with her loss.

Tell her you’re not the man for her and, if she wants a relationship, somebody nearer her age would be a better bet.

You’re supposedly getting married but this lover on the side isn’t helping either of you. Your fiancée deserves better.

Learn from this mistake by channelling your energy into your relationship with your wife-to-be.

If your sex life lacks excitement, gradually introduce techniques you learned from your older lover.

Fella says no to wedding or kids

Dear Deidre

FACING up to a future that doesn’t involve marriage or having any more kids ­saddens me.

I met my partner six years ago. He’s 37 and I’m 32.

We have a son each, aged 12 and ten, both living with us.

We had each been hurt before so agreed we would not marry or have more kids.

The thought of having another child stressed me.

I’m settled now and think I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve been looking at wedding dresses and long to be a mum again but my partner doesn’t want to hear it.

He says we agreed. It just makes me sad.

DEIDRE SAYS: Say you have changed your mind.

Tell him that you are happy and want to plan a stable future for you and your boys.

See if there are practical reasons he is against marriage and a baby.

If it’s leftover hurt from the past, talk to Relate (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234).

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the  Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

She will not let me meet family

Dear Deidre

I THINK my girlfriend must be ashamed of me because she’s keeping me from meeting her family.

She turned 30 recently and told me she was going out to celebrate her birthday with the girls from work.

I saw some pictures from the evening on Facebook.

When I asked who the other people were, she pointed out her mother and her older sister.

I met her father and younger sister once when we were in town shopping but she just introduced me as a friend.

I’m 34 and she has met my parents, my brother and my grandparents too.

What is she trying to hide?

DEIDRE SAYS: Explain that being part of her life means getting to know her family too.

It could be that she is embarrassed by her family, rather than by you.

Suggest you all meet up for a meal to get to know them on neutral ground.

I'm pregnant but sis will be upset