Dr Pam Spurr reveals the do’s and don’ts of trusting a man who was unfaithful to his ex when he met you
Our sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr
Once a cheat always a cheat? Dr Pam Spurr reveals the do’s and don’ts of trusting a man who was unfaithful to his ex when he met you.
Our sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter
It’s a dilemma about men that leaves women with sleepless nights and gripped with paranoia. You’re torn in two – you want him so much…but can you trust him?
After all, he cheated on his partner to be with you. Yes, I’m talking when you were once the ‘other woman’ and now you’re his woman and he’s your man. No longer each other’s dirty little secret.
All that sneaking around was exciting. One survey on infidelity found a whopping three quarters of cheats get an illicit thrill from it.
But when two people decide they’re meant to be together – it’s not just a fling – it’s a tricky transition to a full relationship.
You question if all cheats are repeat offenders? And will he do to you as what he did to her? That depends on lots of things.
Here are the dos and don’ts of trusting a love cheat:
- Do be honest with yourself if he has ‘form’. This is the most obvious indicator of being a repeat offender.In heart to hearts, has he revealed that he’s cheated in most of his relationships? You can bet he’s a bad bet in the long term.
- Don’t overlook if he’s an attention seeker. Does he demand lots of attention? This spells trouble for a cheat who feels neglected.They miss getting the attention they crave. It’s then easy to gravitate to another affair when someone pays him attention, like at work.
- Do notice if he’s a natural born flirt. Does he flirt with everything from waitresses to the postman even? Many people flirt innocently.But with a natural born flirt it’s different. If someone responds to their flirting, they may well take it further.
- Don’t ignore if insecurity’s a problem for him. Some cheats are repeat offenders because they feel deeply insecure about their worth.If a third party makes them feel fantastic and valued, they find that irresistible.
4 - Do beware if he’s a risk taker. Does he like to gamble or take other risks? Some love cheat love the buzz of risks.And they’ll take risks with their relationships - like seeing if they can sneak around behind your back.
- Be cautious if certain things off limits. Does he have poker nights or other such evenings with his mates?And no way you’re allowed? When he goes to these, his mobile goes off and you don’t hear from him. This reveals a secretive streak and these evenings give him perfect cover if he meets someone else.
- Don’t let him avoid handling conflict. Many cheats find it hard to handle. Does he storm out and avoid sorting out issues?This means problems go unresolved. And with his nature he feels angry and/or neglected. If someone flirtatious then crosses his path, cheating’s on the cards.
- Do take note if he has a general problem with honesty. For instance, does he find it easy lying to his boss like about meeting deadlines?
Does he happily lie to friends/family about various things? You can bet he’ll be happy to lie to you.
If these flag-up warnings, don’t act like a daily private investigator, keeping tabs on him. A quick way to destroy a relationship!
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Instead, try to ensure you two resolve problems when they arise. Also give each other lots of attention plus let him know you want to keep the spark alive. These’ll help you cheat the chance of infidelity happening, rather than be cheated on.
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