I’m starting to feel guilty about secret romps with my flirty teacher
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I’M having a passionate affair with my maths teacher and the sex is amazing – but it is starting to feel really wrong.
I’m 17 and have just started the final year of my A-levels at school.
She is 24 and taught me last year.
She’s a really good teacher but gorgeous as well.
We got on well from the start and we’d often crack jokes.
I thought maybe she liked me but then I told myself that she laughed and made jokes with all the students — especially the boys.
Our flirting was mild to begin with but then we got chatting one day after class and it seemed like she really had feelings for me.
She said she would miss me a lot when term ended in June.
I said I’d miss her too.
We exchanged numbers and started to swap sexy photos and texts.
I didn’t know where it would lead but I loved it.
Then one Saturday night I was walking back home from being in town and it started to rain really hard.
A car pulled up beside me, the window slid down and I came face to face with my teacher.
She laughed at the state I was in — I looked like a drowned rat — and said that she would give me a lift.
She drove me to her place for coffee but we ended up in the bedroom.
The sex was out of this world.
Since then we’ve had sex lots of times.
It always feels great but I don’t like the secrecy bit.
I know it sounds mad but I think she’s in love with me.
I like her a lot but I don’t enjoy living a lie.
I don’t want to hurt her but what should I do?
If we keep on seeing each other like this then surely the truth will come out before long — and what happens then?
DEIDRE SAYS: All your instincts are right.
Secrets like this don’t stay secret for long and that’s when the real trouble will start.
Being your teacher means she’s in a position of trust and responsibility in relation to you.
You’re under 18 and she’s breaking a law which is there for a good reason – to protect vulnerable young people at school.
You know yourself this relationship is wrong
She is seven years older than you and you are at very different stages of life.
You’re worried you’ll hurt her but that’s not your concern.
You’re at school to get the best grades you can – you are not responsible for your teacher’s hurt feelings and needs.
In fact you should tell your parents what has happened.
If you can’t face the uproar that is likely to cause, at the very least tell your teacher that what she has involved you in is wrong.
End the relationship now and focus on your studies instead.
Do I stay with my boyfriend?
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend has lost interest in sex.
We used to have sex every day and would do it for hours.
Now it’s just twice a week and it’s over too quickly.
I’m 22 and he’s 24.
We’ve been together for three years.
I like to spice things up in the bedroom with bondage and role play but he doesn’t like that kind of stuff.
Lately, he’s said that he doesn’t see sex as important at all.
Now I’ve met an old classmate online and we both have the same bedroom interests.
He wants to meet up for some no-strings fun but I don’t want to ruin things with my boyfriend.
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t have it both ways.
Stick with your boyfriend or look for someone else.
It’s always wrong to cheat.
Enjoying sex in different ways can put a big strain on a relationship but look for a compromise first.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t find my e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex too threatening.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
DO you often find it hard to say no or feel taken for granted?
Lots of us put up with poor treatment because we don’t know how to be assertive.
My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself explains.
To get a copy, send an email to probl[email protected]
Drunken text could ruin my relationship
Dear Deidre
I’M so in love with my girlfriend but I’ve messed up, big time.
We are both 19.
I was out with my mate last week and we had quite a few drinks.
We ran into a couple of girls I once knew at school.
After a bit of banter, one of the girls said I looked really fit now.
So on the way home I found her on Facebook and messaged her, “You think I’m fit and I think you’re really fit too.”
Now it turns out she’s a friend of my girlfriend.
She says if I don’t tell my girlfriend about this, she will.
It was just a drunken mistake and I’d never cheat.
What do I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: She does not sound like much of a friend.
Maybe she fancies her chances with you.
Tell her to back off and make trouble elsewhere while you look after your relationship.
If you really think she will talk to your girlfriend, get in there first.
Be honest and apologise for being an idiot.
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I'm struggling to cope after an abortion
Dear Deidre
I GOT pregnant after a one-night stand and had an abortion.
I am falling to pieces and struggling to cope.
I know I was stupid that night.
I was at a low ebb and guess I needed some attention.
I’m 28.
I had sex with a guy at a party.
He’s 29 and I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.
When I found out I was pregnant, I sent him a text but he didn’t reply.
Then my friend waded in and sent him a message on Facebook, which his girlfriend saw.
I got bullied for that.
My sister got nasty with me, saying I should have kept the baby.
A pal said that I had been stupid.
I’m traumatised, lonely and so racked with guilt and regret that I don’t know what to do with myself.
How will I ever get over this shame?
DEIDRE SAYS: I do feel for you.
Yes, you made a mistake but you’ve paid a high price.
Facing an unplanned pregnancy is never easy and you coped in the best way you could.
It’s so sad you didn’t get any support from your sister or friends.
I’d say they let you down.
My e-leaflet Termination You Regret? can help.
Your life will improve.
Ex keeps calling the police
Dear Deidre
MY ex has reported me to the police 30 times and to Social Services ten times.
All the accusations have been false but it’s having a bad effect on my children.
I left my wife five years ago because she repeatedly cheated on me.
In the end, she did time in prison and I got custody of our two little girls and a boy.
I’m 31, she’s 29.
Now she’s out, she lies to the kids, saying I used to be violent and mean.
It’s having a terrible effect on my ten-year-old son.
He’s got a very short temper and is often violent towards his sisters, hitting and shouting at them.
My ex and I have tried mediation but she has mental health issues.
What do I do for the best?
It’s a desperately sad situation.
DEIDRE SAYS: I know she’s their mum but if her behaviour is spiteful and dishonest, it’s not necessarily good for the children to see her.
Talk to Social Services about what is best for the children.
You can also find ongoing support through Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).
Let me know how you get on.
