Sex with my new lover is amazing, but why is he keeping me a secret from his wife and child?

Dear Deidre

I’VE got a new boyfriend and the sex is amazing. I am crazy about him but his ex and daughter don’t know about us.

Maybe it’s just me being weird but it makes me so annoyed.

I’m 23 and until recently I was going out with a guy my own age.

We were together for three years but I decided to break up with him when I realised I was falling for a man at work.

The new guy is ten years older than me but I fancied him loads from the moment we met.

We hit it off right from the start and I could tell he felt the same about me.

I really felt we were destined to be together so I knew that I had to be free.

I told my boyfriend we had come to the end of the line and then spread the word around the office that I was single again.

The next day the man I fancied said to me: “What’s this I hear about you dumping your boyfriend?”

I said: “Life’s too short to spend with the wrong person.”

He went quiet for a bit then said: “You’re right.” We were both down the pub a month later.

There were loads of us there for a girl’s leaving do.

He was glued to my side the whole night and at the end of the evening he asked me to go back to his place.

I said his wife wouldn’t be pleased but he revealed he was having some time out from her and had got a place of his own.

Of course I went back to his new, tiny home.

It’s a studio flat with no room to turn round in but the sex was a dream and it all felt so right.

Since then we’ve been inseparable and I am desperately happy.

The only thing is that he’s told me to keep it a secret at work and says his wife mustn’t know. Am I crazy to mind about that?

DEIDRE SAYS: This is ringing alarm bells for you – and for me. Secrets are nearly always bad news.

Maybe he will be with you for the long term but don’t count on it. Is he ready to give you commitment and to get a divorce?

It sounds like he is keeping his options open for now.

He may just want a break from domestic routine. If he misses his family life then he could well decide to go home – if his wife will still have him of course.

You have set your sights on a married man and that brings its own problems.

He can’t just dispose of a wife and a child and become a free man.

They are still going to be part of his life even if he does divorce.

Think this all through and talk it through with him too.

You may well decide that you would really rather have someone who is properly free.

I've had enough of wife's drinking