I had a fling with my apprentice… then my girlfriend slept with our neighbour to get revenge

Dear Deidre

I HAD a fling at work with a girl half my age – and now my girlfriend has twice had sex with our neighbour in revenge.

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We’ve been together for ten years. I’m 37 and she is 33. Things weren’t going well a year ago when I had the fling.

I run a hairdressing salon and this girl, who is 19, was my apprentice. One night after work I was in my office while she was clearing up.

I invited her in for a drink. I don’t think she was used to alcohol and she got very giggly and sat on my lap.

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I kissed her. I don’t know what made me do it but she seemed responsive. I put my hands under her clothes and she asked for more. We then had sex on my desk.

That was the start of our affair, which lasted a month. Then my girlfriend saw a phone message while I was in the shower and went ballistic.

I ended the relationship with my employee and it took a lot of trust from my girlfriend because I couldn’t sack the girl, so we still work together.

Every time my girlfriend and I had a row, she would bring up my affair. I regret it every day.

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A couple of weeks ago we argued again, as my girlfriend saw a message from my brother trying to fix me up with a date because he knew I’d got problems at home.

I told him I wasn’t interested but it still caused so much trouble for me.

The next night my girlfriend went out with friends and ran into our neighbour. She got off with him and took great delight in telling me they had sex at his place, twice. I know she’s done it for revenge.

I hate knowing he’s had his hands all over her.

I don’t know if I can get over this.

DEIDRE SAYS:

The positive in this tit-for-tat is that now you understand how your girlfriend felt when she found you’d cheated.

Now you both need to accept it’s time to stop the point-scoring and work on rebuilding trust and your relationship if you are ever to be happy together again.

Why was it so easy to stray? Was it just a pretty and available girl – or had you and your girlfriend let things slide?

Talk about changes to make home life more satisfying. My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex may help.

And you need to be a more responsible employer. You have a duty of care towards that apprentice.

Sex with her was a direct violation of that. Stick to teaching and training in future.

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I had sizzling sex with a friend from work - but now she's gone cold

My wife doesn't know about my fetish for wearing woman's underwear

Dear Deidre

MY wife found knickers at home and thought they were sex trophies. They weren’t. They’re mine.

I’m a big guy who plays rugby but I’ve always liked women’s lingerie.

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We’ve been married for five years but she doesn’t know about my fetish.

We are both 32 with a little boy.

She’s sure I’ve cheated but I’d never do that. How can I tell her the truth?

DEIDRE SAYS:

I know it’s hard but honesty is the best policy. Your son will pick up on the tension, so get this into the open.

You’re not harming anyone. Say you have a fetish and explain you’ve not had the courage to tell her.

Your love of women’s clothes may stem from something you experienced as a youngster.

My e-leaflet on Cross-Dressing Worries will help you. And you can contact the Beaumont Society for some understanding support (beaumontsociety.org.uk, 01582 412 220).

Boyfriend's fast love leaves me frustrated

Dear Deidre

MY boyfriend climaxes so quickly that I find it hard to have an orgasm.

We both have a high sex drive and he jokes that he can’t hold back as he is so attracted to me.

I’m 18 and he’s 21. We’ve been together for six months.

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I was a virgin when we started going out two years ago.

He’d only ever had sex three times before me, just one-night-stands.

He says he could last up to half an hour with them but it’s less than a minute with me.

DEIDRE SAYS:

It’s likely he is extremely attracted to you and that sex with a girlfriend he loves is overwhelming.

He can, though, learn to recognise his body’s reactions and last longer.

My e-leaflets Want To Last Longer? and Orgasm For Women explain self-help sex therapy to take foreplay back to basics.

Pregnancy put me off sex... so my boyfriend cheated with my mum

Dear Deidre

I WALKED in on my mum and my boyfriend having sex. I can’t trust him now.
I’m 19 and he is 22. We’ve been together for a year. He moved in with me and Mum six months ago. She’s 38.

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I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned but we were excited and decided to have the baby. I’ve felt ill for weeks and not up for sex.
It’s put a strain on our relationship but how could he and Mum do this to me?

DEIDRE SAYS:

Does your boyfriend seem truly sorry and accept there’s no excuse?

If so, he must prove himself by being ultra-caring and loving.      Make sure he knows you’re only giving him a chance for the child’s sake.

Is your mum overcome with shame? Unless she convinces you this was a one-off mistake she bitterly regrets, you need to find another home.

Find help through Shelter (shelter.org.uk/advice, 0808 800 4444).

Addicted to cybersex

Dear Deidre

I’M addicted to cybersex. I spend hours every night looking at hardcore porn and on the web cam looking for someone to get off with.

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I’m 17 and feel guilty as I have a girlfriend. She’s 17 too and the only one I’ve had sex with.

I’ve tried to stop but the draw is so strong.

When it’s all over I think: “Why did I do that?”

DEIDRE SAYS:

Cybersex is a growing problem for young people.

You’re not alone. It’s hard to resist if you’re bored but the buzz fades. Don’t let it spoil what you have in real life.

Set some rules. Only use your phone or computer within sight of family.

My leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? has more self-help tips.

If there are background problems – family tensions, say – talk them over in confidence with The Mix, which helps under-25s (themix.org.uk).

I am worried he will look elsewhere because I get so upset when I see babies.

Dear Deidre

I HAD a miscarriage and feel like I have let down my boyfriend.

We were not planning on starting a family but were almost three months into the pregnancy when I lost it. We were devastated.

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I’m 22 and he is 24. We’ve been together for just over a year.

I am worried he will look elsewhere because I get so upset when I see babies.

My sister has just given birth and so has his best friend’s girlfriend. I always have to put on a brave face whenever we see them.

We hope to have a family of our own but I fear I may miscarry again.

DEIDRE SAYS:

Losing the baby was in no way your fault.

More than one in six pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have a child of your own one day.

Get some understanding support by contacting the Miscarriage Association (miscarriageassociation.org.uk, 01924 200 799).

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CONTACT DEIDRE

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.  Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

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