Am I bringing her to climax, is my penis big enough… and five other things he’ll ask himself when he first has sex with you
OUR sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter
Having been trained in body language analysis, I know that something as small as ‘eye-gaze’ reveals a lot.
It can show if someone’s feeling evasive, attracted to someone or anxious.
So was I surprised a study found it takes one second for a man’s eye-gaze to drop to a woman’s breasts on first meeting?
No, because men gain quite a bit of info from the bust-line.
It gets them thinking, it’s literally boom or bust - is he attracted by what he sees, should he chat her up, is she in a flirtatious stance?
But it’s not just first meetings and your bust-line men think about. When they first bed someone their minds go into overdrive.
These are things he’ll think when things heat up:
Your satisfaction
- Am I going to bring her to climax, he wonders? Men might not read the articles but they read the headlines about how many women don’t orgasm.
- One study found two thirds of men thought more about satisfying her than their own satisfaction!
- Tip: As a woman, guide him. Let him know when he hits the right spot. As a man, ask if things feel good and what else you can do.
His body
- Will she notice my beer gut, skinny legs, or spots on my back? Sadly, men are as worried about their bodies as women.
- The male grooming industry’s put a spotlight on them when previously many men didn’t worry much.
- Tip: It’s never funny to joke about his ‘pizza back’ or sparrow-like legs. Just don’t!
His penis
- A key thing on his mind is will she like my penis? Will it be big enough, the right shape, strong and erect, or will it fail him?
- Even one in ten young men lose their erections at some point, so this is right at the top of their priorities.
- Tip: If it seems he’s worried about his penis, show him some love. Lick and kiss right down his chest, abdomen and between his thighs. Then ask him to return the favour.
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One night stand
- Apparently there’s been an increase in men who’d rather not have one night stands. They prefer sleeping with someone they think there’s a chance with.
- So he’s thinking about whether there’s staying power in your new 'relationship' – not just staying power in his penis.
- Tip: If it feels right, let him know your thoughts on whether you’re into one night stands or expect more.
What you feel like
- We assume men are thinking about our bodies but many admit they focus on what you feel like inside.
- And 99% of the time they’re loving it. So dump those body-worries (just as he should).
- Tip: Ask him to do some circular motions with his hips during thrusting – he’ll feel all of you inside plus you’ll love it.
Is she enjoying it?
- Even if you’re making moans and groans, many men wonder if you’re actually enjoying yourself.
- Tip: Tell him in delicious detail exactly what you’re liking about sex with him. For instance, tell him how the way he brushes his fingertips over your nipples turns you on.
Does she want seconds?
- Another survey found men under-30 thought a lot about whether she’d want ‘seconds’ or not.
- This age group recovers more quickly from the refractory stage (the time a man needs after an orgasm to recover).
- Tip: If you’re up for seconds, cuddle up, nudge your body against his and signal your interest. If you don’t want the proverbial ‘sloppy’ seconds suggest a sexy shower together.
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