Are you watching too much porn? The risks of online sex addiction and how to avoid it
There’s nothing wrong with occasional porn usage, but beware of the downward spiral of porn addiction
OUR sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter .
News from the psychosexual health clinic at Nottingham University Hospital will strike fear into many young, male, porn users’ hearts.
Because the clinic’s found a huge increase in younger men who use porn regularly and can’t get an erection when with a partner.
They’ve become so used to masturbating to porn they find it hard to relate to a partner. Or because they’re used to the excitement of porn films they don’t get aroused by ‘ordinary’ sex.
The fantasy sex in porn is what they expect now. They need all that fakery - the physically enhanced bodies, the fantasy scenarios, the XXX-rated kinky things some porn stars do.
Traditionally erectile dysfunction (ED) has pretty much struck younger men due to excess alcohol - classic ‘brewer’s droop’ - or occasionally through nerves. Now it’s a different picture.
There’s nothing wrong with occasional porn usage, either when ‘flying solo’ or for couples to spice things up. But beware of the downward spiral of porn addiction.
Here are six ‘don’t dos’ to be aware of to prevent this:
1. Don’t ignore your feelings
If inside you’re developing guilty feelings, or even self-loathing, about how much you use porn, don’t ignore it. This is your early warning system telling you things are going wrong.
2. Don’t ignore stress in your life
Many porn users report they can give it up for a time but if stress builds, they go back to it. Look at what stresses you and think through practical ways to sort it. Set yourself small goals to reach.
3. Don’t make excuses to your partner
If you start making excuses not to have sex with your partner, things need to change. Maybe just yet you don’t have the courage to tell them you’ve been using porn. But at least refocus your energies on them.
4. Don’t tell yourself ‘just one more time’
Many people, with a developing or full-blown porn addiction, tell themselves this. ‘Just one more time’, is then said the next day and the next day and so on. When you tell yourself you will stop but find yourself having one more view of porn, take action.
5. Don’t search for increasingly extreme porn
One sure sign that porn’s a problem is when you start needing increasingly extreme porn to get aroused. If you discover what has been arousing you, no longer arouses you, think about what’s going on. Be honest with yourself.
6. Don’t hide a developing problem
If you find yourself making excuses for your porn-related behaviour, like ignoring your partner or falling behind at work, don’t hide from it.
You can see your GP for advice. Trust me, they’ve heard it all. Or get in touch with a helping, organisation like Sex Addicts Anonymous, where your anonymity will be respected.
Five top tips to sort out your porn problem
- If you’re in a partnership, find the courage to come clean to your partner. They might’ve felt terrible about things, wondering why you no longer find them attractive.
- Take it one day at a time. Don’t tell yourself you’ve got a whole future without porn. That can seem daunting. Instead tell yourself you’ll do your best today to avoid it.
- Get rid of all your private technology - laptops, secret mobiles, etc. Plus allow family or your partner access to your phone so you’re not tempted to download porn.
- Let a partner, trusted friend, or family member know when you’re struggling. Reaching out, rather than being secretive, is incredibly helpful.
- Fill the time you’ve devoted to porn with positive things like taking up a sport or hobby or getting new skills training.
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