Sex with beautiful escort was ruined when I couldn’t get an erection

Dear Deidre

I ARRANGED for a night of sex with a beautiful escort girl but it was ruined when I couldn’t get an erection.

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I’m a 22-year-old guy. I was spending the weekend with a mate I’d known since university. We went out on the town the first night, which was great, but we were a bit bored the next evening.

I’d never had sex before and my mate suggested we hook up with a couple of escort girls.

I wasn’t sure at first but he persuaded me it would be a laugh.

They arrived at my mate’s flat and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

They were truly beautiful girls around our age and I could feel myself becoming aroused.

We had a few drinks with them then went off to separate bedrooms.

I was kissing and cuddling the girl I was with and things were becoming heated between us, but when it came to sex I couldn’t get a strong enough erection.

I was so embarrassed but the girl told me not to worry, that it happens to lots of guys.

I paid her off miserably and went to sleep.

The girl said she’d let herself out and get a taxi.

My mate was full of it the next morning, telling me all about the night he’d had with his girl.

I told him what had happened to me. He just laughed and told me not to worry.

He said it was just because it was my first time and next time I’d be fine.

I was so embarrassed but the girl told me not to worry, that it happens to lots of guys

We decided to get the girls back the next night and I was determined to have sex with her this time round.

But I didn’t because I lost my erection again within seconds.

The only reason I didn’t have sex before was because of my family’s religious beliefs and nothing else.

I do masturbate and have never had any problems.

Now I am really worried about the future.

What if it happens again?

I don’t know how to solve this.

DEIDRE SAYS: Save your money. Sex with an escort girl is nothing like sex with a girl you know well, care for and, most importantly, know cares for you.

For the escort you’re a client and it’s a business arrangement.

It does nothing to boost your self-esteem – quite the reverse.

Anxiety and self-consciousness can quickly block your sexual responses.

A bad sexual experience, especially your first time, can sometimes spoil future performances.

My e-leaflet Solving Erection Problems explains more.

If you are not having sex due to your religious beliefs, what matters is what you feel is right for you.

Don’t be pressured into sex by your friend in future.

If you would like to get out there and give yourself the chance of meeting someone who wants a proper relationship with you, my e-leaflet Finding The Love Of Your Life will help.

I snap at my fella cos he's had snip

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Dear Deidre

I CAN’T see a future with my boyfriend because he has had a vasectomy.

He has a little boy from a previous relationship and it hurts every time I see his kid.

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 31. He treats me like a princess and I love him to bits but I can’t get over the fact that he has had the snip.

He says he will get a reversal but it costs £3,000 and I don’t think he can afford it.

It is starting to affect our relationship.

I keep thinking of my exes and how things might have worked out.

His ex didn’t have to pay thousands to have his baby.

I don’t understand why he had it done in the first place. It’s making me resent him.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry but it’s unfair to resent his previous partner and their decision.

None of us can undo our history.

Is your boyfriend as keen on a baby as you?

If so, suggest he ask his GP where best to go for a successful, reasonably priced reversal – though a baby is never guaranteed.

My leaflet on Vasectomy Reversal? explains more. You can find understanding support at Fertility Network UK (, 01424 732361).

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the  Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Not appy she texts guy from her past

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Dear Deidre

MY wife sent 140 texts over a couple of days to a guy she met at a reunion but she swears nothing happened.

I put some monitoring software on my computer to find she was having intimate conversations with the same guy on Facebook.

I confronted her but again she swore nothing happened.

I am 40 and my wife is 37. I continued to monitor her Facebook activity and found out that she had gone out behind my back.

She bought another phone that she hid from me to communicate with him via WhatsApp so I “wouldn’t find out”.

We’ve had lots of rows and she assures me she hasn’t been in touch with him since the reunion.

I know she is lying because she’s often on this app when I’m at work.

I can see this when I log in.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a devastating discovery but playing detective isn’t the way to resolve this.

It’s hurtful for you and damaging for your relationship.

How exciting has life been between you two?

Talk to her about how you can improve things and have more fun so she feels no need to stray.

My e-leaflet Looking After Your Relationship can help.

Dad is rude and negative since Mum died

Dear Deidre

MY sister and I cook, clean and shop for my dad since our mum died – but nothing we do is ever good enough.

Mum always looked after Dad.

He has no idea what it’s like for us working full-time, running our own homes and looking after him too.

I am a woman of 53 and my sister is 57. My dad is 78.

He has no social skills and is very rude and negative.

We have decided to go just twice a week because it’s so hard dealing with him, but now we feel so guilty.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Your dad shouldn’t think it’s OK to be so rude.

Each time he is unpleasant, tell him it isn’t acceptable to talk to you like that and walk away.

He is still grieving and readjusting to life without his wife.

It could help him to talk to Cruse Bereavement Care (, 0808 808 1677) and find out about local support for your father at Age UK (, 0800 169 6565).

Want to spice up sex life but worrid I'll look silly

Dear Deidre

I WANT to do new things in the bedroom with my boyfriend but I don’t want to end up looking silly.

I worry he is going to lose interest in me, so I would like to spice up our sex life.

I am not sure what to do though.

I am not very confident and don’t want to get it wrong.

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 23.

We have been together for three years and we have a great relationship otherwise.

I have been put off going into sex shops as I look very young for my age.

People in these shops always make jokes about me looking 12. It is so embarrassing.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Good sex is all about communication and takes practice.

Ask your boyfriend to show you what touches really work for him and if there is anything he would especially enjoy.

My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Man In Bed explains – but only try what you find pleasurable yourself or it won’t work for either of you.

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