21 signs you’re secretly obsessed with TLC’s reality TV wedding programme Say Yes To The Dress
Come on, admit it. It's your ultimate guilty pleasure and the highlight of your working week (OK fine, your entire week)
HAVE you been keeping your obsession with Say Yes To The Dress secret all these years? Then you've come to the right place.
After all, the first stage in addiction recovery is acknowledging the problem in the first place...
Then again, we totally don't want to cure ourselves of this addiction. Because it's just. too. good.
#1 You know what getting jacked up means. And you know it invariably makes everyone cry.
#2 You get VERY annoyed when your housemates assume you’re watching trash TV and therefore that it’s ok to speak.
#3 On the contrary, you know the only acceptable time to talk over the show is when the voiceover man says: “And downstairs in alterations…” Let’s face it, it’s just not as interesting.
#4 You can spot a time waster a mile off. They haven’t brought any family along, they don’t take the fitting seriously and the whole entourage is clearly p*ssed. Seriously, just get out.
#5 You’re no longer surprised by a bride-to-be looking for a gown to go with her tattered cowboy boots. Turns out it’s not that unusual.
#6 If you tune in at 4pm in time for the eight back-to-back episodes, there’s a very high chance you’ll have to cancel any plans you had that evening.
#7 And your favourite TV channel is TLC+1 – for obvious reasons.
#8 You’ve considered a career as a bridal consultant. All of a sudden it just seems like you’ve found your calling in life.
#9 You question a couple’s relationship prospects when a groom insists on being at the bridal appointment – or worse, the bride insists they stay.
#10 So, naturally, your favourite bit is when Lori puts her glasses on, marches down to the bridal appointment and says: “This is my house,” and kicks them out.
#11 You feel cheated if the bride leaves without a dress. Errr… That was not part of the deal.
#12 You know there is nothing more stressful in life than a Kleinfeld blowout sale. It’s like that Friends scene when Monica goes wedding dress shopping at the discount store except with more people, more drama and more meltdowns. It's TENSE.
#13 You talk with authority about the dresses and say things like: “The mermaid fit just doesn’t make the most of her body shape,” and: “You can tell by the smile on her face that that’s The One.”
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#14 You really feel like Lori and Monte could be your besties. Just imagine the great times you’d have together.
#15 The show has restored your faith in marriage and your relationship goals are based around the couples who go on it. There’s no way any of those cuties have got divorced… right?
#16 You know that black wedding dresses exist. For the emo brides, obvs.
#17 You want Randy to find your wedding dress. So much so that flying to New York for an appointment at Kleinfeld doesn’t even seem that absurd anymore – even though you’re not engaged (yet).
#18 You totally buy into the morals that can be learnt from each episode and become genuinely invested in the bride’s ‘journey’. If you think about it, Say Yes To The Dress is like a fable, really…
#19 The rustle of the plastic protective covers in the ready-to-burst stock room is one of your favourite sounds. It just makes you happy.
#20 You know that taking more than four people to a bridal appointment is a disaster. And when the brides who flout the unspoken rule inevitably burst into tears you say knowingly: “Well, that was always going to happen.”
#21 You can spot the b*tch before they even open their mouth. And you know all the possible incarnations: the bridezilla / the controlling mom / the jealous sister / the unsupportive bridesmaid / the overprotective brother. But, like in all good fairytales, you know they always come good in the end.
Say Yes To The Dress UK starts on Friday August 12 at 9pm, TLC.