I’m having amazing sex with my boss but he won’t dump girlfriend to be with me
Read Deidre’s personal replies to today’s problems
Dear Deidre
I AM having an affair with my boss. He told me that he and his partner were breaking up but, six months on, they are still together.
He never talks about the two of us moving in together.
I am 27, my boss is gorgeous-looking but in his late thirties.
I joined the company 18 months ago when I was still in a relationship with my ex.
I thought he was The One but he cheated. It took me a long time to recover. My boss was fantastically supportive.
He arranged for our team to go out for a meal when a colleague left.
I noticed he didn’t take his eyes off me all evening.
When I said I was getting a taxi home he offered to drive me.
When he stopped outside my door he kissed me and asked if he could “come in for a coffee”.
We had a bottle of wine and then he said he’d have to sleep on my sofa as he was not safe to drive.
It was me who suggested we should sleep together.
We had sex and it was amazing — beautiful and tender.
We talked the next morning and he told me he and his partner were splitting up.
He said he wanted to see me again and that was the start of our relationship.
We go away for weekends, he treats me like a princess and I am madly in love with him.
It was me who suggested we should sleep together
A chance came up for me to move to another branch of the company but I did not take it because I thought we were going to be a proper couple.
Now I am beginning to regret it as he is still with her.
He means so much to me but I worry that I am wasting my time and that we are never going to be together properly.
If I say anything about him still being with his partner he either tells me to give him time, or else he gives me a look that says, “Don’t go there”.
DEIDRE SAYS: He has no reason to make a choice while he can enjoy a passionate affair with you and also whatever home comforts he is enjoying with his partner.
You only have his word on his relationship with her.
He cleverly knows how to stop you making waves or asking questions. It must make you wonder if he really did ever intend leaving her at all.
Stop being available whenever he makes the running.
Get out with friends – in other words, get your own life going.
If he is genuinely keen it will be a wake-up call to him to make some decisions on your relationship.
If he is not serious then better you find out.
The longer this carries on the more you stand to get hurt.
Read my e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? and start to behave in ways that put you, not him, first.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
ADDICTION to online porn is a fast-growing problem but how do you tell if you’re hooked?
Eleven hours a week is the tipping point.
The youngest I’ve heard from with this worry was 11.
My leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? will help.
For a copy email me at [email protected].
Wife gets it on with our girl's partner
Dear Deidre
DO I tell my daughter that I am certain her partner is having an affair with my wife – her mum?
I have had my suspicions for some time.
My wife clicked with him from the first time they met at our house, saying he was a real catch.
Our daughter is 26, he is 36.
My wife tells me she was working late but I have seen her car parked in their drive.
She is online for hours chatting to him but she flicks the phone off if I go near.
Once, she did not shut it down properly and she was calling him “lover” and “babe”.
They were arranging to meet in his lunch break.
My brother even mentioned he’d seen them having a drink one evening.
We are 46. I love her as much as when we first met.
Maybe if our daughter knew about this fling it would put an end to it.
DEIDRE SAYS: Best not share your suspicions.
Your daughter will be distraught, it will create huge waves.
You can’t be sure which way it will fall out.
Focus on your marriage. Tell your wife you want to reconnect and put fresh energy into your relationship.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
In-laws a help but I need my space
Dear Deidre
MY husband’s parents come round every night to see our new baby boy.
They love him to pieces but I just want an evening with my husband and son without them.
I am 24 and my husband is 26. His parents helped us so much with buying the house and baby stuff.
I had a difficult birth so struggled for the first couple of weeks.
His mum did all the washing and still does. I am very grateful.
I feel I am being horrible but want us to feel in charge of our own family unit now.
She says to tell her if she is interfering but I don’t want to upset her.
I worry my husband will not see things the way I do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Send her some flowers thanking her for being a tower of strength and saying you will always be grateful.
That will mark the end of this stage of their support.
Talk to your husband, saying you feel better able to cope now, then together talk to his parents.
Suggest specific nights you would love them to visit.
Keep it light-hearted and say you’re sure they understand you want some time alone too.
Your mum-in-law sounds sensitive enough to pick up on the hint.
RELATED STORIES
Cold feet with girl because of penis size
Dear Deidre
A GIRL I have met is sending me intimate pictures but I get cold feet when it comes to sending my own.
I make excuses because of the size of my penis. I am well below average.
She is 18, I am 20 and we have been chatting for a few weeks.
I like her a lot but I worry she will start to think I am not keen because I keep putting off sending pictures.
She wants us to meet up but I dare not fix a date.
I feel depressed and this is starting to affect my personal life.
I can’t even take part in sports as I get too embarrassed in the changing room.
DEIDRE SAYS: I bet you have an inflated idea of “average” and, in any case, size is not what makes for great sex.
Tell this girl you’re not into sending pics but would love to meet.
If you fall for one another your dimensions will not be an issue.
My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small? will reassure you.
Huge debts searching for love
Dear Deidre
I’VE run up debts of more than £15,000 searching for love and affection, mainly with escorts.
I am shy and found it hard to meet people so I started meeting escort girls when I was in my twenties.
It was all about finding someone who wanted me, as well as the sex.
I have been all over the world on lavish holidays and when I don’t meet a girl to form a relationship, I turn to escorts.
I’m now 45 and I have nothing to show for all the money I spent.
I have nothing to offer anyone and my life is a shambles.
My social life is non-existent and I am too ashamed to tell my family about the mess I’ve got myself into.
DEIDRE SAYS: Find a new interest, which might help you find that special person for a relationship.
Check out meetup.com, which connects people with a shared interest.
My e-leaflets on Solving Debt Problems and Social Anxiety will help you too.
