I’m scared my wild holiday fling has left me with a sexually transmitted infection

Dear Deidre

I WENT on holiday with friends and had wild, unprotected sex with a girl I met in the hotel. But I now have a proper girlfriend and fear I may have caught something.

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I am 19 and was invited on a stag weekend with a group of mates. We all agreed that we might as well make it a week as we had to pay for flights anyway.

Then it got to be even more adventurous and we decided on Malia instead of Amsterdam.

The hotel was very lively and in the bar we all got chatting to gorgeous girls.

Mine was really cute and I knew she would agree when I suggested she spend the night with me upstairs in my room.

We had fantastic sex. She was 23, had obviously had plenty of practice and knew exactly how to drive a guy wild. We kept at it until almost dawn and sheer exhaustion sent us to sleep.

It was great and we swapped numbers but she lives at the other end of the UK and when I got home I thought no more about it.

A month ago a girl at work who I’ve liked for a long time broke up with her boyfriend, so I took my chance and asked her out.

It went brilliantly and she is now my girlfriend. She is also 19.

But now I have some symptoms just where I don’t want them. I am frantic with worry that I might have picked up an STI on that holiday. We did not use protection.

I have unprotected sex with my girlfriend too, as she’s on the Pill.

I am really stressed about this but I can’t face going to the doctor by myself and I don’t feel I can ask anyone I know to go with me — anyone who would keep their mouth shut, that is.

I can’t face telling my girlfriend either.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are just going to have to act like a grown-up and get medical advice on this – as I am sure you know, really.

Going direct to a genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic rather than your own GP may feel more comfortable and confidential – you won’t run into your mum’s neighbour or similar. You can get more information on finding a clinic at .

You can turn up without an appointment and the doctors there deal with this kind of query all the time and see it as all in a day’s work.

If the test is positive, you do have to tell your girlfriend, and you should tell the girl you had sex with on holiday too.

She may not realise she has an infection and some of them cause infertility if left untreated.

Once you have the right diagnosis and treatment you can stop worrying, heave a sigh of relief and life will be back to normal. But best use protection if you are having casual sex with anyone in the future to prevent infections as well as unplanned pregnancy.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the  Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

MY brother is only 39 but he’s convinced he is ill and dying. Every day there is a new pain and a new problem that is supposedly causing it.

I’m 43. As my brother has no partner and our parents are dead, I’m the only person looking out for him. He goes to hospital for endless tests but they never find a problem.

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I have told him he needs psychological help but he insists his symptoms are real.

DEIDRE SAYS: I can well imagine how worried and frustrated you feel. Talk to Mind about how you can help him accept the idea of therapy (mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393).

His GP must share your view. He will have to respect patient confidentiality but it could help you feel less alone to talk to him.

And then try to let it go. Make sure that there is enough fun in your life so you haven’t too much time to focus on your brother’s endless health worries.

Every day there is a new pain and a new problem that is supposedly causing it

Is having a child with ex a bad idea?

Dear Deidre

MY ex-girlfriend has asked me to donate sperm so that she can have our baby.

We both want to be parents but we split up two-and-a-half years ago. We are 25 and 30.

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I still care deeply about her but I am in a new relationship now and have been for the past year. My fiancée is 28 and has two children I class as my own kids even though I am not their biological father.

I really would like a child of my own but my fiancée cannot have any more. I am tempted to have sex with my ex-girlfriend so that I can be a real dad and make her happy.

I am worried that if I do as she asks I could lose my fiancée but if I don’t, I would lose my ex’s friendship. It seems to be a problem whatever I decide.

DEIDRE SAYS:

Your longing to have a  biological child is hard but is it fair to bring a baby into a finished relationship? You would probably lose your fiancée,  plus her two children would feel pushed to one side.

How will your ex actually feel when she has to cope with being a single parent, knowing you are being a father to your current partner’s children?

What an emotional time-bomb. Don’t do it!

Our teen girl hits out and swears

Dear Deidre

MY daughter, 14, is driving me to despair. She is rude, swears and tells us she hates us.
She is convinced she has “middle-child syndrome” and this is why we dislike her.

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She has to share a bedroom with her 11-year-old sister which she hates but I can do nothing about it.
She has self-harmed because of trouble at school and I am worried she will do so again. She has nice friends but she tells them things that are not true which make me sound like the devil.
I’m 40 and my husband is 41. He wants to stop her money and take her phone away. I am not sure this would help. We were once so close and I miss the girl she used to be terribly.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your daughter is very unhappy. She is exhibiting typical teenage behaviour but if she self-harmed you need to be especially supportive and understanding.

Punishing her by taking away her phone or allowance would make things much worse. Fix up a curtain to give her a private part of the bedroom.

Her self-esteem is at zero. Talk to Family Lives (0808 800 2222, familylives.org.uk) and read my e-leaflet Troubled Teenagers.

My kid's topless beach pic on net

Dear Deidre

I DISCOVERED a picture of my daughter on the internet, sunbathing topless on a beach in Australia.

I was shocked.

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I am not a prude – I was shocked because I have no idea how this picture got online.

I am 55.

My daughter is 28, married and is having an extended holiday with her husband in Australia.

If he took this picture, I am sure he would not post it on the internet, so did he have his phone hacked?

I have said nothing because it would cause a big stir in the family and her mother would be mortified.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are shocked because you probably still think of her as your little girl but your daughter is an adult and was with her husband.

Keep it to yourself if it would cause a stir and upset her mother.

But maybe let your son-in-law know you saw it, in case he needs to improve his privacy settings.

I love my girlfriend and want to be with her, so why do I feel this way?

Dear Deidre

I AM not attracted to my partner any more. I love him and the thought of being without him or seeing him with anyone else breaks my heart.

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But that does not make me want to have sex with him.

I am 28. He is 29 and we have been together for three years. We have a beautiful six-month-old daughter.

I have never been attention-seeking but recently I find I enjoy getting admiration from other guys when out with friends.

I do not know if there is something missing in our relationship or if maybe we should simply call time on it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Having a baby is a massive upheaval, both for your body and your relationship, and it is the most common trigger for sex problems.

Don’t just give up but talk to your partner.

Involve him in caring more for your little girl. Tell him that you need to feel desired and try sharing massages.

My e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby will help.

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