Money-grabber sex worker missus wins me over every time even though we’re getting a divorce
Albanian bride told me she worked as a prostitute back home and wanted to carry on because she'd make more money here
Dear Deidre
I CAN’T resist my wife when she comes on to me – she is such a sexy woman.
But I know it’s wrong — as we’re getting divorced.
She is 23 and comes from Albania. We met online.
I paid for her to come over here and we married three months ago — but it hardly lasted a week.
I’m 39. I’ve always been a shy person and used the excuse of work to avoid having much of a social life.
I chatted online, though, and this girl seemed so genuine. When she came over, she said we had to get married or she would be sent home.
So we had a quick register office wedding on a Friday but she’d left me by the next weekend.
On our first day as man and wife, she told me she had worked as a prostitute back home and wanted to carry on working because she could make more money here.
On our first day as man and wife, she told me she had worked as a prostitute back home and wanted to carry on working because she could make more money here.
I said she didn’t need the money now we were married but she said she wanted her own cash — and lots of it.
In the end she walked out and I realised she wasn’t the woman for me. But she got in touch last month asking for maintenance and for me to buy her out of her share of my house. I was horrified.
My solicitor wrote to tell her she wasn’t entitled to anything.
She then asked to see me, saying she missed me, and one thing led to another. I’d missed the sex — but I feel so bad now. I have no intention of allowing our relationship to take off again.
She wants to move back in but insists she’ll carry on working. I can’t accept that so want her out of my life. But when she comes on to me, I cave in — then feel horrible.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re a caring man with decent values and are right to be against the idea of her carrying on being a sex worker while married to you. It undermines the meaning of your married sex life and you may be risking your own sexual health.
You know you can’t resist her face-to-face, so be firm that you won’t see her personally again and say all contact must be through your solicitor from now on.
I realise that sounds harsh but that way she’ll get the message.
Focus on making friends and building up a social life for yourself so you have a better chance of meeting someone who shares your values and can become special in your life. My e-leaflet Widening Your Social Life will help.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
MY girlfriend says that if we have a baby together, he or she must have her surname instead of mine.
Dear Deidre
MY girlfriend says that if we have a baby together, he or she must have her surname instead of mine.
I’m 22 and she is 20 and has a little boy of two from a previous relationship.
I bring him up like my own, as his dad isn’t around, but she’s given him her surname.
We’ve talked about having children and she insists her baby with me would have her last name too – she feels her two kids should be the same. I want us to carry on my family name, otherwise I’d feel like I’m letting my dad down. But she won’t see my side at all.
I’m wondering whether she is really ready to commit to me at all.
DEIDRE SAYS: Try to have a frank talk with your girlfriend. If you’re bringing up her son, would she consider him taking your name and perhaps the possibility of you adopting him? Find help through Family Lives (, 0808 800 2222).
Pal stuck with love rat fella
Dear Deidre
HOW can I get my best friend to see she is in a toxic relationship? Her boyfriend is a loser, thief and love cheat but she thinks he’s great.
I’m a woman of 23 and my friend is 24. She met her fella three years ago. He’s 27. He has cheated on her loads of times, stolen from her and made her move away from her family.
She cries down the phone to me but then, just a day later, gives her man “one last chance”.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is very frustrating being the bystander to a relationship like this. Remind yourself that you can’t run your friend’s life for her. Be there for her but, when she calls with relationship trouble, tell her kindly that she needs to talk to a counsellor.
The Mix help under-25s with problems such as this (, 0808 808 4994).
Teenage trouble
Dear Deidre
I’VE been feeling so upset since my best friend stopped speaking to me.
We are at school together and both aged 17. She read some really old messages on my phone, from when we’d fallen out two years ago, and believes them to be true now – so has gone funny with me.
She’s also told another girl friend, and her lesbian lover, that I thought they were coming on to me one night. So they’re not speaking to me either. It’s a lie, though.
I now miss these three girls. They were like family to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your best friend sounds insecure. Get in touch and say how much she means to you and how sorry you are she feels hurt.
Emphasise again that you regret those messages but that they were old.
Contact the other girls, too, and say it has all been a misunderstanding.
My e-leaflet Rows With Friends will help. But do also build up friendships with other girls at school.
Better to tell her now rather than build up to your big homecoming
Dear Deidre
MY girlfriend thinks I’m going to have sex with her when I go home this holiday but I don’t love her any more.
I’m 18 and have been away on a work placement since I finished my A-levels.
It’s been brilliant and I can’t wait to go to university and get qualified.
But, at Easter, I met a girl from a village near ours and we fell in love. She’s 17.
We talked about having sex once my exams were over but now I don’t think I even want to be with her any more. How can I tell her?
DEIDRE SAYS: Delaying telling her will only make it more painful. Better to tell her now rather than build up to your big homecoming.
We all change a lot in our teens and want to try out different things. You know when things don’t feel right.
My e-leaflet on Ending A Relationship will help you to do this with the least hurt.
I’d love another child but he doesn’t seem interested in having fun, never mind trying for a baby
Dear Deidre
I’M so unhappy because my husband has no interest in sex with me. I feel rejected.
We had a little girl 18 months ago and he has barely touched me since. We’re both 24.
I’m normally exhausted so am in bed by nine.
I’d love another child but he doesn’t seem interested in having fun, never mind trying for a baby. We live together like flatmates and that makes me really sad.
DEIDRE SAYS: Try to explain to him that you miss the intimacy – and worry a sexless marriage won’t survive.
Some men find it hard to see their partners as both mothers and lovers. Is this what is making him reluctant to have sex?
Suggest you build up slowly to having sex again. Make time for each other at least once a week – with the TV off.
My e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby can help.
