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DEAR DEIDRE

I’m scared the man I met online is just using me for sex

Read Deidre’s personal replies to today’s problems

Dear Deidre

I’M having a relationship based on sex – great sex, but just sex.

I can’t help wondering, “Will it ever be anything more?”

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 We have amazing sex...but I'm scared he doesn't have feelings for me
We have amazing sex...but I'm scared he doesn't have feelings for meCredit: Alamy

I met a man online a few months ago.

We chatted for a long time before eventually meeting up for a drink.

I knew from the moment I met him that we would get on.

He is good-looking and a lot of fun.

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I am 37 and he is 46. We’ve both been married before.

I have three grown-up children and he has two adult sons.

Nothing happened that first night but we continued to meet up once or twice a week.

One evening, he invited me back to his place after a night out and we had fantastic sex.

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He is a brilliant lover and knew just how to turn me on.

It has got to the stage where we are meeting up four times a week but all he wants to do is go to bed for sex.

He does kiss and cuddle me and seems to be interested in how I am, but he isn’t into all the slushy stuff.

Is he just making me think he likes me so he can get what he wants?

It seems as though it is just sex to him.

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We don’t go out socialising.

I have never met any members of his family even though he talks about them.

I haven’t met any of his friends either, even though I know he regularly socialises with them.

I have asked about meeting them but he just keeps saying, “You will, eventually”.

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I am starting to fall for him but he seems to love his carefree lifestyle.

Is he just making me think he likes me so he can get what he wants?

I don’t want to confront him as I am scared he won’t feel the same way.

He might think I’m mad for even imagining that he has feelings for me.

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How do I tell him that I want a proper relationship, not one that is just based on sex?

DEIDRE SAYSBy telling him just that.

The message is simple – but I understand your anxiety that he will then just back off.

You don’t have to be confrontational.

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Just say you like him a lot and wonder if there is more than just sex to the relationship for him too.

Don’t sound as if you want a ring on your finger, but be open that you would like a relationship.

Tell him that being so casual isn’t really your thing.

If he has any serious feelings for you, he’ll soon be asking for more.

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If he is not up for that, do yourself a favour and end it.

You will only end up feeling hurt and used in the long run, which will eat into your self-esteem.

In that case, my e-leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You will help.

TOPIC FOR TODAY

ONE in four young people see pornography before they even reach their teens, so no wonder it affects what they think is normal sex when they have a partner later.

It’s harder than ever now for couples to agree on the boundaries, but my e-leaflet Sex Games And Sense can help you work out what’s right – and safe – for you.

For a copy email me at problems@deardeidre.org.

Drinking stops me being a good dad

I can't stop drinking...soon I'll lose everything including my familyCredit: Getty Images
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Dear Deidre

I KEEP taking money meant for bills and spend it getting stupidly drunk.

I know it is really selfish but I can’t stop.

I’m a 29-year-old guy.

My girlfriend is 26 and we have a baby girl together.

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My girlfriend has had enough of my behaviour and says I have only got one more chance.
I know if I carry on like this I will lose my girlfriend, my daughter and my home.

I really want to change.

My girlfriend’s parents don’t think I can as I have done this so many times before.

It is really getting me down.

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I want to stay off drink and act more responsibly.
I had a bad relationship with my dad growing up.

He was never there for me.

I want to be a better father for my daughter.

I am nearly 30 but act like I’m 18.

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