My parents will disinherit me over pregnant secret lover
My parents are religious and don't believe in sex before marriage
Dear Deidre
I HAVE a wonderful secret relationship with my girlfriend but she has just told me she is pregnant and my parents will go mad.
They are rich but very religious and don’t believe in sex outside marriage. I fear they will cut me off without a penny.
I am 27 and was strictly raised. As I became a teenager I developed my own thoughts and beliefs but learned to keep them to myself.
For the past couple of years my mum has introduced me to various girls she thought would make a good wife. I never got close to any of them.
I then met a beautiful girl of 17, the younger sister of a guy I got to know playing squash.
Her family is Lithuanian. We hit it off from the start. She is warm, funny and loving.
I’ve not taken her home though as I know my mother wouldn’t take to her.
She frowns on foreigners and people who don’t share her religion. She would also condemn the age difference.
My girlfriend and I don’t have sex frequently as we have to use the sofa at her brother’s place when he is out.
Yet when we can it is wonderful. But the condoms have let us down. She doesn’t believe in abortion. She says she loves me and can’t wait to have my baby.
My parents will go mad and I’m worried they will throw me out of the family and cut me off.
I work in the family business, which is supposed to come to me one day.
My girlfriend just says it’s not their business as I am an adult. It’s not that easy though and I don’t see how I can keep it secret for ever.
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t worry about your inheritance for now. Focus on the pregnancy.
Your girlfriend is very young and you two do not have a stable home in which to raise a child.
Your girlfriend’s abortion beliefs may govern her feelings but she needs to understand what it will be like having a baby now and be sure she is ready for it, especially if it may be in the face of family opposition.
She can contact The Mix, which helps under 25s with any problem (, 0808 808 4994).
Whatever she decides, it’s time you introduced her to your parents. The sooner you face up to them and explain you have different beliefs, the sooner they may start to accept they cannot run your life.
But approach them with humility. Getting your 17-year-old girlfriend pregnant is not a great way to start persuading them your values are better than theirs.
EVERY problem gets a free personal reply.
Email [email protected], private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
I'M IN LOVE WITH BEST BUDDY'S EX
Dear Deidre
I AM having regular sex with my best mate’s ex. He has no idea she and I are seeing one another.
I am 21 and so is my best friend. We were at school together.
His ex, who is 18, says their relationship was nothing serious.
I have fallen for her but I dread my mate finding out. We were due to go on holiday with some other friends but she and I made excuses.
I don’t like lying but I don’t want to lose either of these people.
DEIDRE SAYS: This girl is no longer your mate’s girlfriend so she is free to be with you, and it could be he will feel even more angry when he discovers you have been lying to him.
Take him out for a drink, say you have something tricky to tell him and say you and his ex really care for one another.
Don’t sound apologetic though. He has no claim over her.
TEENAGE TROUBLE
Dear Deidre
A GIRL in my year at school kicked me between the legs. She and her gang bully and slap me.
I am a girl of 14. Teachers always pick on me too. At break times I have no friends to talk to because the bullies have driven them all away.
Everyone is afraid to stand up to them for fear of being made outcasts.
My mum reported the kicking to the police but the girl is still in school. The head has done nothing.
There are no places in other schools that can be reached from where I live and life is intolerable.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds dreadful but your school can’t just ignore what is happening.
All schools have to have procedures in place to deal with bullying.
Ask your mum to contact Bullying UK (, 0808 800 2222).
Confide in whichever teacher you think will be most sympathetic and look for a fellow pupil who will understand.
My e-leaflet Are You Being Bullied? explains more strategies.
Dear Deidre
I HAVE been with my girlfriend since we were 14 but for the past few months I have been sick of her.
We are 17 and have always loved one another. Now I dread seeing her as she can be really tedious.
She is clingy and jealous. If I speak to another girl she starts to have a go at me and then there is a row.
How do I handle this? I don’t want to upset her.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s best to be honest with her but let her down gently.
Say you will always treasure the wonderful times you have had together but that your relationship has run its course.
My e-leaflet Ending A Relationship can help.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
My partner used to have a six-pack but now he has a bulging stomach and won’t stop over-eating
Dear Deidre
I LOVE my partner but I have gone off sex with him. He used to have a six-pack but now he has a bulging stomach and won’t stop over-eating.
We are both 25 and have been together since we were 16. I love him and we have a son aged three.
My partner wants sex every day but I no longer find him attractive. We argue a lot and he reacts by being petty.
I try talking to him about it but he just gets moody. We are due to get married next year but I want the excitement back before I commit.
DEIDRE SAYS: His need for constant sex, over-eating and being defensive sounds like a crisis of confidence.
Rather than criticise, encourage him to get back in shape and join him in healthy eating and exercise.
It will give your relationship a much-needed shot in the arm.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help get your spark back.
My mother’s favourite punishment was to lock us in the cupboard under the stairs, sometimes all day
Dear Deidre
I’M petrified my two beautiful children will end up hating me the way I hated my mum.
I am a mum of 37 with a son of five and a little girl of three. They are lovely and seem to be happy.
I had a horrible childhood. My mother was unpredictable. My sister and I never knew when we were going to be shouted at.
My mother’s favourite punishment was to lock us in the cupboard under the stairs, sometimes all day.
She left us in the care of the man next door, who would touch me under my skirt.
When I tried to tell her, she told me not to be silly.
DEIDRE SAYS: You know your children are enjoying a completely different upbringing from yours and will love you as you deserve.
You are haunted by distressing memories and need support.
Speak to the National Association For People Abused In Childhood (0808 801 0331, ).
