Swaziland is full of eye-opening sights and adventures
YOU can buy a wife for 17 cows in Swaziland - or so Banele, my smiling driver, whispered when I told him I was divorced after arriving in this tiny but fascinating African country.
And men may have as many as they want so long as they can afford to support them — and own enough cows to pay for all their dowries.
The present king Mswati III has 15. But that's nothing. His late dad Sobhuza II, who reigned for 82 years, managed to keep at least 70 happy.
No wonder adoring subjects dubbed him the Lion of Swaziland, Son of the She Elephant and The Bull!
Traditionally, Swazi women aren't supposed to eat either animals' brains or feet — brains, because it's feared the stuff could make them too clever by half; feet because once they've got the brains, they might decide to walk out.
Hmmm, not too sure what feminists would make of that — but never mind, Swaziland's still a wonderful place to visit. For a start, you can watch lions, rhinos, giraffes, elephants, zebras and all sorts of antelopes gambolling through the bush.
I stared in wonder as a hungry crocodile was sent packing by a herd of bellowing hippos after it tried to take a sneaky bite out of one of their babes.
Then there was the cheeky baboon who tried to nick my breakfast rusks — but scarpered with my underpants instead (fortunately, I wasn't wearing them at the time). And in a remote cave down a mountain path I marvelled at one of the world's most amazing "art galleries" — primitive wall paintings done by bushmen in a shamanic trance 4,000 years ago.
The plan on my first morning at the laid-back Hawane Resort in the Malolotja Nature Reserve had been to saddle up for a bit of horseriding before breakfast.
Afterwards I'd been promised a quick look at Sheba's Breasts — apparently a magnificent sight.
Well, the riding went a treat — I enjoyed a pleasant hour's trot around the stunning Highveld countryside.
But I boobed and missed Sheba's Breasts by lingering too long over my fried eggs and bacon.
Pity, for legend has it the twin hills are the site of King Solomon's mines. And author H Rider Haggard is said to have written his famous novel while staying nearby. Instead, we headed for the Ngwenya Glass complex, which proudly boasts the country's hottest tourist attraction. No wonder, when the furnace temperature reaches 1,300C as craftsmen blow molten glass into intricate animal shapes.
But it's the real-life lions, elephants, buffalo, leopards and rhinos — Africa's "Big Five" — that remain Swaziland's biggest attraction.
That's why, if you ever draw up a bucket list, right at the top should be a visit to the Stone Camp in the stunning Mkhaya Game Reserve.
The approach track is so bad — and dangerous once in the area where animals roam freely — that visitors must rendezvous with an armed ranger in a Land Rover ten miles away.
But no words can describe the feeling when you first spot a sleepy lion stretched out lazily in the bush, find your path blocked by a couple of lumbering elephants or see a giraffe's towering head peeping between the trees.
Back in camp we dined on wildebeest meatballs before a smiling girl balanced my suitcase on her head and, holding an oil lamp because there's no electricity, led me through the darkness to my ensuite cottage.
Later as I drifted off to sleep under my mosquito net, gazing out at the moonlit wilderness through the gap between the stone wall and thatched roof where you'd expect a window to be, I could hear mysterious howls and screeches of creatures whose identity I could only guess at.
In the morning we took a short drive to another reserve at Hlane for more animal-spotting before getting my first taste of the local home-brew beer while traditional dances at the Shewula Mountain Camp, a community eco-tourism project.
Made from maize, an off-white colour and slightly chewy, the drink looks like porridge and tastes like ... well, let's just say I doubt you'll ever find it behind the bar in your local boozer.
For a spot of luxury, check out the Mantenga Cultural Village or the Piggs Peak Hotel and Casino, where I found Swaziland's prime minister, Barnabas Sibusiso Dlamini, eating breakfast at the table next to mine.
If all that's not reason enough to visit Swaziland, there's the Umhlanga Reed Dance next month when 60,000 young maidens cavort for the king.
If fancy takes him, he could decide to choose one as his 16th wife. But, hey, that still leaves 59,999 spare.
Hmmm, anybody got 17 cows I can borrow?
GO: SWAZILAND
GETTING/STAYING THERE:
You can fly to Johannesburg with Air Ethopia from £530 return ( or call 0800 016 3449). Then travel by luxury minibus to Swaziland, a four-hour journey.
Travel specialists Mahlatini can arrange six day tours, includings flights, with a self-drive car, from £1,390 per person (028 9073 6050 or see
MORE INFO: Call 0115 972 7250 or see