My client gave me better sex than my husband ever has and now wants a relationship
We got married when we were very young but I didn't realise how immature he was until we started living together
Dear Deidre
I GOT work as an escort after my marriage fell apart. My first client gave me better sex than my husband ever has but my in-laws want us to try again with our marriage.
I met my husband when we were 15 and we both believed we should wait until marriage before having sex. We got married on my 18th birthday and are now 21.
I hadn’t realised how immature he was until we started living together. He was lazy around the home and he thought I should wait on him.
He knew nothing about sex and expected me to do everything there too. I accepted it at first but I began to realise he wasn’t changing at all and had just got comfortable with how things were.
I tried because I believed in my marriage vows but things went downhill between us. We started having bad arguments and he blamed me, saying I was not a good wife. I feel like I am not in love with him any more. We had sex on our wedding anniversary three months ago. I did not want it but he said it is a wife’s duty. I felt used afterwards. We had a huge row and he left.
I soon realised I was short of money and a friend suggested joining an escort agency where she had done some work. I was shocked at first then thought it had to be worth a try.
The first man who booked me is great. He is 32 and very attractive. We had a lovely evening out then we had sex back at his flat. It was the best ever. I never knew sex could be that good. We have met again and he says he wants a relationship with me. He is everything my husband is not but I am confused.
My parents and in-laws want us to have marriage counselling and I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Going back to that man’s flat was desperately dangerous. You knew next to nothing about him.
Even now he could be spinning you a line. Why would a man use an escort agency if he is attractive, personable and looking for a lasting partner?
Please give up the escort work and be very wary of any further contact with this first client. Only see him again if someone reliable knows where you are – and he knows they know.
But it would be far better to tell him you’ve realised you need to work on your marriage. Relate can help you and your husband either sort all the issues or part decently (, or call 0300 100 1234).
My e-leaflets How To Have Great Sex and Looking After Your Relationship could help your husband understand the changes he needs to make.
Be firm that the marriage is not going to work unless he makes more effort – and faces up to his financial responsibilities.
Topic for today
ONE in ten of us is likely to be suffering bereavement at any one time but people often avoid them out of embarrassment instead of offering comfort. My e-leaflet Help For Bereavement tackles grief and lists sources of support. Email me at the address below.
My lover is back with her husband
Dear Deidre
I’M in love with a woman I’ve been seeing for the past two years but she has gone back to her husband for the sake of her little girl. Is there any hope for our relationship?
I met this wonderful woman when I went to do some work on her house. We talked over endless cups of tea and the bathroom tiling took far longer than it should have. I had to see her again.
She seemed to feel the same and we ended up in bed. She’d split from her husband and said she had no intention of getting back with him. The sex was fantastic. Every day we fell in love even more.
Her daughter, who’s four, is a real daddy’s girl and her husband blackmailed her into letting him back because of the effect on her. I am in bits about losing her.
I am 35 and she is 29 and I want to settle down – preferably with her. Should I try to forget her or wait until her marriage fails again?
DEIDRE SAYS: You could have a long wait – maybe for ever. And you’ll be no nearer settling down with someone you love. Don’t put your life on hold.
Set a time limit of, say, six months. If she is still with her husband then, move on and look for someone else.
Should I stay with abusive partner?
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend is abusive but sometimes I think I deserve it.
When he is nice, he is wonderful but that is rare. He leaves me lists of chores for when I return from work and he gets angry and hits me if I don’t do them.
He slashed my brand new jacket and cut my best trainers to shreds. He tears up my books and smashes my DVDs. He stops me going out with friends and, when I visit family, he constantly rings ordering me to come home.
I am 19, he is 23. He has cheated on me and threatens to do it again or to leave if I don’t want to have sex.
Sometimes I throw things back at him and once I hit him, just to show him what it is like. I feel terrible when I retaliate, which is why I think I deserve the torment.
DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Get out now, while you still can.
It will help if you can have a friend or family member with you while you pack your things. If you feel at risk do call the police and they can help you leave.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline for advice (0800 2000 247 or see).
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
No matter how often I masturbate, I am constantly thinking of sex
Dear Deidre
I AM addicted to self-relief. It is taking over my life.
I’m 31. I’m a single guy and work full-time. No matter how often I masturbate, I am constantly thinking of sex and getting erections, which can be difficult to hide. I work on a building site so I can’t
It has got to the point where all I think about is men and women having sex. I get distracted from my work, obsessing over when I can go and relieve myself. I am sure my colleagues have noticed how often I go and one even remarked how long I take.
I know this is not normal but where do I get help?
DEIDRE SAYS: When the need for sexual relief intrudes into normal life it is an addiction. There will be underlyings issue the buzz helps you cope with.
My e-leaflet Addicted to Sex? explains and you can find help at Sex Addicts Anonymous (07599 917 686, ).
All his wages go on gambling so he never has money for bills
Dear Deidre
I AM at my wits’ end over my boyfriend’s gambling.
I knew from the start that he liked a flutter on the horses but we have been together for nine years and it has become progressively worse.
All his wages go on gambling so he never has money for bills. I am 36, he is 38 and we have a daughter of five.
I work part-time to fit in with school hours but I don’t earn enough to pay for everything.
I have tried to help him stop gambling but nothing works. Now we are threatened with eviction because he has not paid the rent for months.
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t make him stop, only he can choose to do that.
Spell it out to him that he will lose everything if he doesn’t get professional help now. If he is up for it, GamCare can help (, 0808 8020 133)
And contact Shelter about your risk of being made homeless (, 0808 800 4444).
