I’m cheating on my girlfriend with her fit mum and now she wants me to dump her daughter
I still love my girlfriend but sex with her mum is mindblowing
Dear Deidre
I’VE been having mind-blowing sex with my girlfriend’s mum and now she wants me to dump her daughter.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year.
I’m 24 and she is 20.
She lives with her mother who is a fit 39-year-old and runs a sandwich shop.
I work for her — which is how I met her daughter, who is a hairdresser.
My girlfriend goes out with her mates quite a bit.
I don’t mind but sometimes she drinks way too much then doesn’t care how she gets home.
I worry about her.
A couple of weeks ago she went out with her friends and she got very drunk.
One of my mates saw her and texted me.
I called her and we had a huge row.
She said she was going to come home in a taxi so I went to her mother’s to wait for her but then she called to say she was staying with a friend instead.
I was furious.
Her mum asked me what had happened and I told her.
She put her arm around me and I think she had meant to comfort me at first but then she kissed me.
I kissed her back, hard.
She then started tugging at my jeans and my shirt.
I pulled her dress up over her head and we had frenzied sex in her front room.
I knew she hadn’t been with a man in some time — her husband left years ago.
It felt so right but it felt so wrong too.
We now have regular sex, sometimes after work in the back room.
I’m falling for my lover but I do still love my girlfriend.
Her mum is now trying to get me to end it with her daughter but I feel so bad about it.
I go into work convinced I’m going to tell my girlfriend’s mum that this isn’t working — but then when I see her, all common sense disappears and we have sex again.
DEIDRE SAYS: Secret sex is heady stuff and your lover is thrilled to have a passionate young man desiring her after years alone.
But she is going to wake up one day and realise that she has let herself and her daughter down horribly.
Even great sex isn’t worth such a betrayal.
And you are going to feel like an accomplice in an emotional crime.
You might feel bad at the moment – but just imagine your girlfriend finding out, or your mates.
Stop this now while you can.
Tell your girlfriend’s mum you’re not the right man for her and ask if you can agree that neither of you will ever tell your girlfriend about your mutual mistake.
Tell your girlfriend you both need to rethink nights out, that she is too much at risk when legless without you.
Encourage her to cut down her intake but also get to know her mates and have some nights out yourself.
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the . Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
His kids' hatred is spoiling our love
Dear Deidre
MY partner’s children can’t stand me and it’s driving us apart.
We dated as teenagers and met up by chance six months ago.
Our relationship quickly developed.
He’s 45 and, like me, divorced.
I’m 42.
His ex remarried and his daughters, who are aged ten and 12, are fine about that.
But they are not fine about me.
My partner took me to Venice and proposed but as soon as we told his children, they spoilt everything.
They said they didn’t want to be bridesmaids and wouldn’t come to the wedding.
Now my partner admits his girls don’t like me and says we should wait until they are more independent.
His kids are hateful.
Do I walk away?
DEIDRE SAYS: Not if you really love him.
My guess is his daughters have had exclusive rights over their dad until now.
It is hard for you – but harder for them.
They’re insecure and trying to understand their parents’ divorce.
You are the adult so rather than battling them, take an interest and become part of their world.
My e-leaflet Stepfamily Problems will help as well as familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222.
Topic for today
MORE than three million Brits identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Being bisexual can put any relationship under pressure and those who feel pressured to present as hetero may later fail to suppress gay feelings. My e-leaflet Bisexual Issues can help. Email me for a copy.
Distrust is turning me into a stalker
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend told me he was visiting his father in hospital but it turns out he was secretly meeting a girl.
I felt suspicious because a friend told me she had seen him out with another girl.
I then found a bar receipt for a time when he said he was at the hospital.
I confronted him and he said he was with his cousin.
She’s female and he thought I would go mad if I knew.
I then spotted him in a cafe and he was holding a girl’s hand across the table.
She’s definitely not his cousin.
He says he loves me and I’m madly in love with him.
We are both 23.
I understand I can’t be the centre of attention at all times but I feel like a stalker.
I don’t like the person I am turning into.
DEIDRE SAYS: Believe his actions, not his words.
He says he loves you but all the evidence says he can’t be trusted.
Tell him you are sure he’s been cheating on you but are giving him one more chance.
Then focus on your time together rather than trying to play detective when you’re apart.
Is he loving?
Does he make you feel special?
If you realise your relationship is one-sided, have the courage to end it.
RELATED STORIES
My wife wants the house, the car, the animals – everything. We are both 36 and we’ve been together for eight years
Dear Deidre
MY wife went to visit her sister for her birthday and was gone for five days.
In the end, I rang her sister to see when she was coming home because I was having to walk our three dogs in my lunch hour.
My wife said: “I’m not coming back.
“I’m not bothered about our marriage but I really want to keep all the stuff I’ve bought.”
She wants the house, the car, the animals – everything.
We are both 36 and we’ve been together for eight years.
I don’t think she can afford to buy me out.
What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Is that how she felt too?
That you were more bothered about your stuff and having to walk the dogs than you were your marriage?
Is it not worth one last try to save it?
My e-leaflet How To Look After Your Relationship may help.
If you’re sure it’s over, get legal advice and my e-leaflet Thinking Of Divorce? will help.
My boyfriend never wants to have sex with me... It makes me feel horrible about myself
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me since I found out he was texting another girl.
I worry he’s only with me out of pity now.
I’m 26 and he’s 25.
He started texting a girl when we were going through a bad patch.
I saw her name flash up on his phone one day.
He looked embarrassed but said he had never actually met up with her and I believe him.
Things are so much better now and I’m learning to trust him again but he never wants to have sex with me.
He’s either tired, stressed or feeling ill.
It makes me feel horrible about myself.
He did admit once that he didn’t want sex because he felt bad about what he’d done.
DEIDRE SAYS: He was sexually focused somewhere else and it can take time – and some effort – to rebuild what you two had.
A sensuous massage will tune you both back into your bodies.
Read my e-leaflet Massage For Couples.
Get in touch
Email me here, private message me on , or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter .