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FARCE FOOD

Celebs like Pippa Middleton and Gwyneth Paltrow are cashing in on the kitchen… but should their recipes carry a ‘nuts’ warning?

Everyone thinks they can write a recipe guide — particularly those with celebrity connections and no relevant qualifications — so we asked dietitian Sian Porter to rate their efforts

REMEMBER when it was qualified chefs and master bakers who graced our shelves with their cookbooks?

Now it seems everyone thinks they can write the perfect recipe guide – particularly those with a celebrity connection and zero qualifications to write one.

 Isn't it a Pip ... “Nothing says summer quite like a barbecue”
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Isn't it a Pip ... “Nothing says summer quite like a barbecue”

From radio DJ’s preaching about Chlorella powder, to actresses claiming ice cream causes global warming, we round up these self-proclaimed food experts cashing in on the kitchen and, with the help of Sense about Science dietitian Sian Porter, rate their efforts.


PIPPA MIDDLETON – CELEBRATE (above)

Claim to fame: Her sister Kate married Prince William.

Most obvious tip: “Choose, if you can, a Christmas-themed menu. A turkey, for example, can be perfect for large gatherings.”

And: “Nothing says summer quite like a barbecue”?

Weirdest claim: “A late start warrants brunch, in lieu of lunch.”

Most annoying recipe/ ingredient: Christmas Turkey.
Smug rating: 8/10

Expert says: Pippa is considering an alternative nutrition course so stand by for the next book. If you want qualified nutrition advice consult a dietitian, not a celebrity.


GWYNETH PALTROW – IT’S ALL GOOD

 Gwyn's in the pantry ... “I’m not sure how healthy bacon is, but I know it’s incredibly delicious.”
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Gwyn's in the pantry ... “I’m not sure how healthy bacon is, but I know it’s incredibly delicious.”

Claim to fame: Actress and uncoupling from Chris Martin.

Most obvious tip: “I’m not sure how healthy bacon is, but I know it’s incredibly delicious.”

Weirdest claim: Gwyn thinks that some “bad foods” ruin lives and “good foods” enlighten them. Her diet ditches “bad foods” including bread, deep-water fish, red meat, cow’s milk and aubergine then focuses on the “good”, such as goji berries and quail eggs.

Most annoying recipe/ ingredient: Watermelon and Mint Agua Fresca.

Smug rating: 9/10

Expert says: Only eliminate foods for medical reasons. You could miss out on vital nutrients.


FEARNE COTTON – COOK HAPPY, COOK HEALTHY

 Fearne's in the mix ... “Give breakfast a chance.”
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Fearne's in the mix ... “Give breakfast a chance.”Credit: Getty Images

Claim to fame: Radio 1 DJ.

Most obvious tip: “Give breakfast a chance.”

Weirdest claim: “There are so many wonderful ways of making something sweet without touching the devilish white stuff.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Medjool dates, Chlorella powder.

Smug rating: 7/10

Expert says: She is confused about sugar. She uses honey, coconut and others that are free sugars like table sugar.


KRIS JENNER – IN THE KITCHEN WITH KRIS

 Kris in the kitchen ... “Tomatoes protect your skin from the ageing rays of the sun.”
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Kris in the kitchen ... “Tomatoes protect your skin from the ageing rays of the sun.”Credit: Getty Images - FilmMagic

Claim to fame: Mum of Kim Kardashian and the rest of them.

Most obvious tip: How to cook nachos.

Weirdest claim: “Tomatoes protect your skin from the ageing rays of the sun.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Flambé chicken livers.

Smug rating: 4/10

Expert says: You’d have to eat so many tomatoes, it’s dangerous to suggest this. Don’t throw away your sunblock!

 


MILLIE MACKINTOSH – MADE BY MILLIE

 Its Made by Millie ... “Tupperware may not seem cool but it is easy to fill.”
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Its Made by Millie ... “Tupperware may not seem cool but it is easy to fill.”Credit: Getty Images

Claim to fame: Made in Chelsea reality TV star.

Most obvious tip: “Tupperware may not seem cool but it is easy to fill.”

Weirdest claim: “I like to eat clean every day.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Coconut and quinoa soup.

Smug rating: 6/10

Expert says: “Clean eating” is a vague, made-up term that suggests superiority and judgment and that any other way is “dirty”.


ALICIA SILVERSTONE – THE KIND DIET

 Delicious Alicia ... “Turn the tap off while cleansing your teeth to save water.”
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Delicious Alicia ... “Turn the tap off while cleansing your teeth to save water.”Credit: Getty Images - WireImage

Claim to fame: Actress in Clueless.

Most obvious tip: “Turn the tap off while cleansing your teeth to save water.”

Weirdest claim: “Ice cream causes global warming, droughts, rising food costs, toxic waterways, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, starvation.”

Most annoying recipe/food: Daikon rounds, shoyu, mochi.

Smug rating: 7/10

Expert says: No one food is to blame for all ills. To preach that is plain wrong.


WENDY ROWE – EAT BEAUTIFUL

 Wendy is made-up ... “Water is essential.”
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Wendy is made-up ... “Water is essential.”Credit: Getty Images

Claim to fame: Sienna Miller’s make-up artist.

Most obvious tip: “Water is essential.”

Weirdest claim: “Don’t eat raw after 4pm, and chew, chew, chew to produce enzymes to break down food.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Bone broth.

Smug rating: 6/10

Expert says: Chewing more on food won’t do anything for you. There is no evidence for not eating raw carrot after 4pm.


MIRIAM GONZALEZ DURANTEZ – MADE IN SPAIN

 A Liberal sprinkling of Mrs Clegg, Miriam ... “There is no better way to end a good party than with doughnuts.”
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A Liberal sprinkling of Mrs Clegg, Miriam ... “There is no better way to end a good party than with doughnuts.”Credit: PA:Press Association Archive

Claim to fame: Nick Clegg’s wife.

Most obvious tip: “There is no better way to end a good party than with doughnuts.”

Weirdest claim: “Respect your ingredients.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Mayonnaise with milk.

Smug rating: 5/10

Expert says: If she means you should buy the best ingredients that you can afford, then I would agree with her there.


EVA LONGORIA – EVA’S KITCHEN

 Eva the good Housewife ... “By the time I was seven years old, I could catch, gut, and fillet a fish.”
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Eva the good Housewife ... “By the time I was seven years old, I could catch, gut, and fillet a fish.”Credit: Getty Images - WireImage

Claim to fame: Desperate Housewives actress.

Most obvious tip: “Simple touches like cutting the crusts of tea sandwiches makes food look better.”

Weirdest claim: “By the time I was seven years old, I could catch, gut, and fillet a fish.”

Most annoying recipe/ingredient: Celery sticks spread with peanut butter.

Smug rating: 8/10

Expert says: It’s not just about how it looks, it’s how food tastes.


CHARLOTTE CROSBY – LIVE FAST LOSE WEIGHT

 Charlotte brings Geordie reality to the kitchen ... “On a cheat day it’s OK to eat a fry-up, Big Mac meal with Fanta, double cheeseburger, six chicken nuggets & two dips.”
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Charlotte brings Geordie reality to the kitchen ... “On a cheat day it’s OK to eat a fry-up, Big Mac meal with Fanta, double cheeseburger, six chicken nuggets & two dips.”Credit: Getty Images

Claim to fame: Reality show Geordie Shore.

Most obvious tip: How to cook eggs on toast.

Weirdest claim: “On a cheat day it’s OK to eat a fry-up, Big Mac meal with Fanta, double cheeseburger, six chicken nuggets and two dips.”

Most annoying recipe/ ingredient: Peanut butter on toast with banana.

Smug rating: 5/10

Expert says: Eating a few treats can help you stick to being healthy.

 

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