Had sex with fiancée’s mum … now she wants to tell all about our guilty secret

Dear Deidre

I HAD sex with my fiancée’s mum and now she says I’m no good for her daughter and she’ll spill the beans unless I call the engagement off.

I am 23 and my girlfriend is 21. We have been together for four years.

We’re really in love and got engaged on her birthday.

Her mum, who is only 38, came down from Scotland for our engagement party. She has always been a single parent but she is a very sexy woman and I realised I was starting to fancy her.

The party was brilliant and she was a great help and as a thank-you my fiancée planned to take her out for lunch, but she was called in to work.

So, she asked me to take her mum out instead.

It all felt rather awkward but over lunch and a glass of wine (for her) she told me she had not had sex for six months and began stroking my leg.

On our way home we pulled off the main road and had sex in an isolated wood.

She made me promise not to say anything as it would break her daughter’s heart. She got the train home the next day and I was just beginning to calm down when her text arrived. I haven’t been able to sleep, think straight, or eat properly since.

My fiancée can tell something is up but I think she assumes it is connected with my old gambling habit.

Her mum says she knows what she did was wrong — but she has the excuse of being lonely, which I haven’t.

She says her daughter deserves better than me and if we don’t split up she will tell her what happened.

What can I do? I love my fiancée but if I confess I know it will be the end of us.

DEIDRE SAYS: You did nothing that her mum didn’t do, no matter how she’s excusing herself. In fact, your fiancée would probably find it easier to forgive your betrayal than her mother’s.

Reply choosing your words carefully, so as not to inflame her mum further.

Say you realise you both acted stupidly but that your girlfriend would be more devastated to learn of her mother’s role – so it should be important for both of you to keep it from her.

Ask her to keep your secret as you will keep hers. Then keep your fingers crossed she will see your point of view – and stay faithful to your fiancée in future.

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Teenage Trouble

Dear Deidre

MY foster sister is my childhood friend but she is making my life a nightmare. We are both 15.

She hid my laptop when I needed it the other day but when I had a go at her she turned on the tears.

She said she had bought me an apology present. When I looked, there was a chocolate bar on my bed yet the £50 I had been saving in a pot was gone.

She has already taken more than £100 from me and hasn’t paid it back. It’s unfair.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, troubled people don’t always respond positively to help – at least, not right away. Experiencing your supportive home life may be making her feel jealous.
Ask your friend and your mum to sit down with you and agree some ground rules for harmonious living – such as no-one helps themselves to anyone else’s possessions.
Find more support from The Mix, which helps under 25s (themix.org.uk).

Dear Deidre

IF you make a racial remark at school, you rightfully get told off but nothing is said if you are bullied for being gay.