I’m cheating on my husband with a colleague – I know it’s wrong but it feels so good

Dear Deidre

I LOVE my husband but had the most amazing sex with a colleague recently.

I know we should just be friends but my feelings for him are growing stronger all the time.

I’m obsessed.

I was a stay-at-home mum until last year when I went back to work part-time for an insurance company.

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I am 31, my husband is 46 and we have three beautiful girls.

My husband is a lovely man and a brilliant dad.

I hated work at first but a colleague started chatting to me and before long I began to look forward to us being in the office together.

My husband did comment on all the new clothes I was buying and that I got my hair styled differently.

I just said I had to fit in with all the younger girls at work.

This colleague started flirting with me but when he found out I was married he said: “We have to stay just friends then.”

We backed off for a few weeks but one day he asked me to have a drink with him at lunchtime.

We had a real laugh and chatted so easily I could not remember when I last felt so relaxed.

I am completely head-over-heels in love with this man

That night he offered to give me a lift home as he lives in the same town as me.

As he was dropping me off at the end of our road I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

It was like a green light and we could not stop kissing.

He said: “Whoops, we’d better do this somewhere safer,” so he drove to a quiet car park.

We carried on and then he asked if I would go back to his place.

There was no way I was going to refuse so I texted my husband that I had to work late.

Once we got to his flat we made love in a beautiful way, then he took me home.

I am completely head-over-heels in love with this man, who is only two years younger than me.

It is wrong, I know, and I should not be having these feelings for another man.

DEIDRE SAYS: In love or lust?

Sex with your colleague lit the touchpaper.

You’re both burning hot now but that doesn’t mean it will last.

A miserable husband, a broken marriage and three unhappy little girls could pour cold water all over your feelings for one another – that’s if your lover even has any thoughts of getting serious.

Men are more likely to enjoy a sexy fling without becoming emotionally involved, while you are falling for him big-time.

Nip this in the bud before too much damage is done.

Put all the energy that is going into this fling into your relationship.

You may be surprised that you can fall in love all over again with your husband too.

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.  Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the . Follow me on Twitter  or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

So upset kids pick ex-wife over me

Dear Deidre

WHEN my son visits, he always stays with his mum rather than me.

I feel so hurt that he prefers to stay with my ex after all this time.

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I am 68 and have been happily married for the past 25 years.

I had a boy and a girl with my ex.

When they were aged three and five, she ran off with another guy.

She eventually came back but six years later left again, taking our daughter.

I was devastated but I coped and looked after my son until he went to uni.

He now lives 200 miles away and every time he visits with his family, they stay with my daughter or his mother.

I don’t understand why this still upsets me so much after all these years.

DEIDRE SAYS: You must have felt resentful towards your ex for leaving you to raise your children alone.

In return, you expected undivided loyalty from them.

Your children will have been torn.

And while as children they saw just one side, as adults themselves they can see both perspectives.

Instead of being eaten up with negative thoughts, invite them to stay with you and focus on your current relationship with them.

Trust is broken by his ex sex lie

Dear Deidre

MY partner lied to me when he said he slept with his ex before we got together – in fact it was the week after we became an item.

We are both turning 30 and first met six years ago, before going our separate ways and having other partners and kids.

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We later met up again and six weeks later, I moved in with him.
He admitted sleeping with his ex when he dropped his daughter off after a party.

He swears it meant nothing – but how can I ever trust him again?

I have never cried so much in my life.

If I leave I will be homeless, break both our hearts – and the children’s.

But I do not know how I will get through this.

DEIDRE SAYS: The relationship between you had barely started when he slipped up. You had not committed to one another.

Given how deeply this is affecting you, the chances are it is tapping into a previous experience of lies or broken trust.

You have a good thing going – don’t walk away and live with regrets.

Agree you will talk and share everything with one another from now on and rebuild trust.

He gets angry or ignores me if I try to say anything and our sex life is non-existent

Dear Deidre

SINCE my husband was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, I feel he only wants me here to care for him.

We have two sons aged eight and six.

I am 30, he is 40.

He gets angry or ignores me if I try to say anything and our sex life is non-existent.

I have been there for him throughout, giving up work to become his full-time carer.

I love him but it is getting me down.

I am thinking about ending our marriage.

DEIDRE SAYS: Please try to be patient.

This is a degenerative disease – and hereditary, too – so he must be frightened about what the future holds for you all.

It’s tough on you but your husband can’t help his behaviour.

It’s part of the condition and he may not even be aware that he is acting unreasonably.

Tell him you still love him, just as before.

Get support from the Huntington’s Disease Association (, 0151 331 5444).

I make sure she gets lots of pleasure during foreplay and she enjoys me giving her oral sex, but I wish I could last longer

Dear Deidre

I HAVE a small penis that bends to one side when erect and I cannot last long when I have sex.

I am 23, my girlfriend is 21.

I don’t like her seeing my penis from straight-on because when erect, it can touch my thigh.

It’s embarrassing.

I am absolutely crazy about my girlfriend.

I make sure she gets lots of pleasure during foreplay and she enjoys me giving her oral sex, but I wish I could last longer.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s normal for an erect penis to bend to one side and is nothing to feel embarrassed about.

You are a sensitive lover and care about your girlfriend’s pleasure as much as your own – and she will appreciate that.

There is so much here that’s good, don’t focus on the negative.

It is also normal for women to reach orgasm in ways other than intercourse, but my e-leaflet How Men Can Last Longer explains self-help tactics.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.  Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the . Follow me on Twitter  or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

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